<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Seasons of Love by araviis</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28721853">Seasons of Love</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/araviis/pseuds/araviis'>araviis</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Trek: Discovery</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, all the fluff in the world my friends, no internal continuity we die like t'kuvma, yes this is the cringiest fic title in the entirety of star trek fandom i know exactly what i did, you get it here</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 07:02:26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>38</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>40,572</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28721853</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/araviis/pseuds/araviis</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Anthology of snapshots from tumblr prompts.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hugh Culber/Paul Stamets</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>299</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>89</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Panic attack h/c to get the ball rolling :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div class="">
  <p>Hugh sits bolt upright in bed, suddenly wide awake and breathless.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>
    <em>"I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't..."</em>
  </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>The words spill from his lips like a desperate prayer, falling between shallow breaths, punctuated by his pounding heart.  He's shaking, and sweating, and somewhere deep inside he recognises this for what it is.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>
    <em>Can't panic, can't do this, not me, need to stop, stop, stop, failing...</em>
  </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Hugh?"</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p><em>Failure</em>...</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Hugh."  The voice is distant, shaky, gentle.  <em>Paul</em>, some part of Hugh realises, and <em>no, this is worse, he can't see me like this, no, please, no no no, go back to work</em>...  but he can't get the words out to tell him.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Hey," the voice continues, coming closer, "what's going on?"</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Hugh gasps out the word, "<em>Panic</em>!"</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Okay.  Okay, you can get through it, I'm right here with you, okay?  Can I take your hand?"</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Hugh manages to nod.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Focus on that, okay?  You feel that?"  Hugh inhales sharply as the strong, calloused fingers caress him, tracing a line up and down his palm, grazing up to the pulse point on his wrist.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Good.  Here."  Hugh's hand is lifted, pressed against flesh, rising and falling.  "Breathe with me?  In and out.  In, out, in.  You're doing great, babe, everything's gonna be okay, I promise."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Hugh shakes his head, <em>it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not not not</em>, and maybe he speaks aloud, because those fingers come to his face now, strong against his cheek.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Yes, it is," Paul says, "I would never lie to you."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Hugh grasps Paul's hand, keeping him in place.  Paul strokes his hair a little, leans forward to kiss his forehead, tender.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Hey, let's keep on with that breathing, okay?  In, out.  You're doing great.  In.  You're perfect.  You're strong.  Out.  You're brilliant.  In, out, you're so good, beautiful, in... that's it... I love you so much, I've got you, everything is going to be fine, that's great, in, out, in... you're safe.  You're home.  With - with me.  Right?  It's okay."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Hugh closes his eyes, tries to squeeze the tears back inside, but it's no good.  Instead he lets himself tip forward, and Paul, dependable Paul catches him, holds him close, showers kisses in his hair as the tears fall freely.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Finally, finally, there is quiet.  Silence so deafening it rings in Hugh's ears, echoes around his head like an empty hall.  He pulls back, and loosely takes Paul's hand where it now lies on the bed.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Sorry," he says, trying for a rueful smile and instead ending up with an inelegant sniff.  Paul shakes his head, eyes on him.  Hugh anchors himself in those eyes, lets himself be loved.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Tell me," Paul probes, and Hugh looks down at their joined hands in his lap, uneasy - but that obnoxious doctor in his head is reminding him that it's not good to keep things bottled up.  </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"It's happened a few times," he admits, "not so much lately.  Not since I moved back in.  I dream about the - the network, and... I wake up not knowing which is the dream-"</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Hey."  Paul leans forward, captures him in a gentle kiss.  "This is one hundred percent real."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Hugh lets himself smile.  "Doing this is a whole lot easier with you here."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"If it ever happens again, call me.  Wherever I am.  Won't you?  It doesn't matter how busy I am, I'll..."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Hugh laughs.  "No you won't.  But thank you."  He leans back against the headboard now, finally feeling a little more human, taking in the sensation of Paul's fingers around his.  "How'd you get so good with this?"</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Lizzie," is all he says.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Oh.  I didn't know that."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"She doesn't - she doesn't like to talk about it."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>They stay in silence for a few moments.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Thought you were working all night," Hugh murmurs.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Paul nods.  "I just came to change my shirt," he says, and Hugh notices now the coffee stain on him.  "But I can stay.  I haven't really made progress for hours.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Are you sure?  I'm better now, you're busy-"</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"<em>Hugh</em>."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He closes his eyes.  "Thank you."</p>
</div>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>for panlesters on tumblr who requested:<br/>looking at dogs at the dog shelter for the first time ft adira</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p></p><div class="">
  <p>"Hugh, you know this isn't going to go anywhere," Paul objects, even as he allows Hugh to drag him down the crowded street.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"We can still look, can't we?  Nobody said we actually have to get one."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"You'll get attached."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"I'll live with myself."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Seriously, Hugh, this is going to be the Orion rabbit all over again."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Hey, that rabbit adopted me."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Paul raises an eyebrow, unimpressed.  "Yeah, and the tribble you hid from me for a whole week after we moved in together?"</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"It was too young to reproduce, you could have let me keep it a little longer."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"And the Risian fucking horse?"</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Miniature horse, Paul, it was only two hands high, we could have kept him."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Hugh."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Yes?"</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"We are not getting a dog."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Hugh gives him those irresistible eyes.  Fuck.  Paul turns away, determined not to give in, and spots Adira, bouncing on the balls of their feet to keep warm, waiting outside the animal shelter.  They wave to Paul, grinning, and he narrows his eyes fiercely before turning on Hugh.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"You did not promise Adira we'd get a dog," he hisses.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Paul."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"What?"</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"You're not slick."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Excuse me?"</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Hugh tugs him out of the crowd, finding a bit of space at the very edge of the street.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"You're afraid of getting attached," he sing-songs.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Paul wrenches away, blushing shamefully.  "I'm not!"</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"You are."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"We can't get a pet, Hugh."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Hugh's face softens a little.  "Trust me, okay?  I know you."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Paul squints at him.  "I just don't want to be disappointed."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Hugh sighs, but there's a twinkle in his eye that proves there's no sting.  "I knew you were going to make me ruin the surprise."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Hugh..."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"We're getting a dog, babe.  Adira talked the captain into it.  We're allowed."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"We're... allowed."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Hugh kisses his nose.  "The shelter have taken aside three or four dogs they think would get along in a ship."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Hugh?"</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Yes, dear?"</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"I love you.  So fucking much."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Hugh grins at him.  "I love you too, you idiot."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Well, what are we waiting for?  Let's go meet our dog!"</p>
</div>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>for anon on tumblr who prompted:<br/>affection :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p></p><div class="">
  <p>Hugh adores Paul.  He really does; this brilliant, honest, gentle man who seems to think Hugh is perfect, who gets up in the middle of the night to comm date with him after a late shift, who listens to everything he says even if he isn't really interested in medicine.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He really adores Paul.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>But.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Hey, Paul?"</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Paul rolls over a little in the bed, facing Hugh while still keeping his distance.  "Mm?"</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Can I ask you something personal?"</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Paul smiles.  "You know everything about me."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Six months of virtual dating has done that, but now they're here in person, their second night together, and they haven't actually talked all that much since they arrived.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"I don't know this."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Well... shoot, I guess."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Do you-"  Hugh sits up on his elbows a little, trying to convey that he's being serious, if not totally drastic.  "I mean, it's okay, either way it's okay, but do you not like to be touched?"</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Paul narrows his eyes.  "I don't know what you're asking."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"It's just... I usually like to cuddle a bit after sex.  But you don't seem to want that."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"... Oh."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Any way I get to be with you is good enough for me.  I just think we should talk about where we stand on this."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"On touching each other?"</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"I mean, it hasn't come up yet, I guess because we've spent so little time in person, but I don't want to be too touchy if it makes you uncomfortable."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He <em>does</em> want to touch Paul, he wants those hands all over him, he wants Paul's chest against his back as they sleep, he wants...  But he'd rather go without all the touch he wants than go without Paul.  </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"I don't understand."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"What don't you understand?"</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"I just... you... you <em>want</em> me to touch you?"</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>The vulnerability in Paul's voice makes Hugh's heart ache.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"You have blanket permission to touch me whenever we're alone.  Any time, any place, any way.  In fact, I strongly encourage it."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Really?"</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"O- Only if you want to," Hugh adds, letting a hand fall in the space between them.  "But - for the record.  I want to."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"You want to," Paul repeats, his voice small and quiet, then, a second later, he launches himself forwards, spindly limbs connecting with Hugh's.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Hugh pulls him as close as he can, arms winding around his torso, one hand on his hip and the other between his shoulders, running along the bones in his neck.  "God, that's better," he sighs, enjoying the way Paul's legs wrap around his, the way his hands <em>finally</em> land on Hugh's body.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"I never thought you'd want this," Paul murmurs, his face not-quite-hidden in Hugh's neck.  The smile Hugh can feel isn't enough to quell the growing discomfort as he digests the things Paul has been saying.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Paul, why would you think I didn't want you to touch me?"</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"People don't like me to touch them, I guess.  I get it."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"That hasn't been my experience..."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Well, I would think most people would enjoy touching <em>you</em>."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p><em>God, Paul</em>.  "Have - I'm sorry, it's too personal to ask about your relationships."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Such as they've been," Paul quips.  "You know I've never been with someone for very long.  You can ask."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Hugh kisses his collarbone.  "Sure?  I don't want to overstep."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"You won't."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Just - haven't any of your boyfriends wanted to be touched?  Hasn't anyone ever asked to hold you?"</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Once or twice, but...  nobody's ever really meant it before, not like you meant it when you said.  Why would they?"</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Paul."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"It's okay, Hugh.  It's... it's nice how much you care, and I am really happy that you like this, but it wasn't ever going to be a dealbreaker.  I love everything about being with you.  This... it's lovely, it feels really, really good, but I can live without it.  I always have."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Always?  But surely at least you must have had hugs from your parents."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Paul shrugs.  "Not really."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>And suddenly Hugh knows Paul better than he did before.  </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He curls closer, showers kisses all over Paul's chest and shoulder and chin, lets his fingers rise to dig into that gorgeous soft hair.  Paul gasps.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Is this okay?" Hugh murmurs.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"That - with my hair.  That's nice."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Hugh sinks his fingers in further.  "<em>Noted</em>."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Paul's hands begin to explore then, too, running over Hugh's chest, stilling for a second when they cross his nipples and he hisses.  Paul runs over them again, and grins against Hugh's neck when he confirms his discovery.  "I want to learn it all," he murmurs, "every way you like to be touched."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Any way you touch me is a way I like," Hugh tells him, "I love it, this is beautiful.  You're beautiful."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"I'm yours," Paul sighs, his tone sleepy and satisfied.  Hugh hugs him closer again, trying not to think about all those years Paul must have gone without the connection of human touch.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>They're not done talking about this, but for tonight, it's enough just to hold each other.</p>
</div>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This story deals with an unhealthy prior relationship.</p><p>ShunUkiLover prompted:</p><p>(If it's not too much to ask, can you write a chapter about Paul having self-esteem issues or bad past experiences with partners and the collateral damage he gets from it? Thanks 💕)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..."</p><p>Hugh stands at the door of his quarters, facing a frantic-looking Paul, and doesn't smile.  "Good evening," he says dryly.  It's been less than a month since he passed over a promotion and transferred to this <em>fucking</em> ship to be with Paul, and already he's been stood up three times.  He hates it here, he misses his friends, he barely sees Paul, and his patience is wearing thin.</p><p>"I won't make an excuse," Paul says, inviting himself to take a seat.  "I know you hate that.  But I am sorry.  I'd much rather be here with you."</p><p>"Mm-hmm."</p><p>Paul visibly winces, and Hugh steels himself against it.  He knows Paul would never guilt him or manipulate him, but he also isn't going to give in just because his boyfriend shows a little discomfort.  Paul can deal with it.  Let <em>him</em> be the one making accommodations for once.</p><p>"Did you have a good day?" Paul tries.  Hugh shrugs noncommittally, and Paul presses further, "How was the neurology seminar?  As interesting as you hoped?"</p><p>Hugh blinks at him.  "I didn't think you were listening to me this morning."</p><p>"I can read and listen at the same time.  Just because I had to finish those reviews before my shift doesn't mean I didn't care what you were saying."</p><p>Huh.</p><p>"Hugh, I just - I know I give you a lot to put up with, but I'm trying, okay?  I really am.  I know I'm a shit boyfriend..."</p><p>"What?"</p><p>Paul clenches his jaw for a second before he continues.  "I know I'm a shit boyfriend," he says, "you deserve more than what you're getting from me, but I... what's that face?"</p><p>"Why would you say that?"</p><p>"What?"</p><p>Hugh reaches out.  Paul's a terrible liar, that's why he never tries.  He believes what he's saying.  "Paul.  You're a great boyfriend."</p><p>Paul scoffs.</p><p>"Stop it.  You are."</p><p>"Then why did I keep you waiting tonight?"</p><p>Hugh shrugs.  "I mean, you must have had a reason.  Right?"</p><p>"I told you I wouldn't make excuses."</p><p>"A reason's not an excuse.  Why were you late?"</p><p>Paul sighs and looks away.  "Lorca's not happy that we're so far behind the Glenn already."</p><p>"He works you too hard."</p><p>Paul shrugs.</p><p>"It's not your fault.  I just... this month's been rough, yes, but you're not a shit boyfriend.  Don't talk about my guy like that.  I won't have it."</p><p>"I am, though.  I get caught up in work and I forget important dates and I'm too crabby-"</p><p>"-and you always tell the truth, even when it's bad," Hugh interrupts, "and you keep me on my toes, you remember the little things every day, and you love me.  Nobody could ask for more."</p><p>Hugh doesn't miss the shadow that passes across Paul's face.  Suddenly everything about this conversation makes sense.</p><p>"Oh," he murmurs, "this is about Jesse."</p><p>Paul shakes his head, determined.  "It's not.  I've moved past that, really.  This is about us.  You're special to me and I want to be better for you."</p><p>"Paul, this is about the way he treated you."</p><p>"No."</p><p>"He made you think you weren't good enough-"</p><p>"I wasn't!"</p><p>"You <em>are</em>."</p><p>"I'm far from perfect, Hugh, you can't possibly have failed to notice that."</p><p>"God knows I've noticed," Hugh says, trying to get a smile and utterly failing.  "You don't have to be perfect.  You just have to love me, and I know you do."</p><p>There's the smile, weak, but there.  "Yes, I do.  I think you're amazing.  And you deserve to be treated that way all the time."</p><p>"I think that would drive me crazy," Hugh laughs.  "Paul.  I love you.  I love what we have.  And sometimes I get angry with you when it's not your fault, because I'm only human, too, but you are good enough.  I wish you could believe me."</p><p>"I just hate that you sacrificed so much to be here for me and I still can't be what you deserve."</p><p>Hugh closes his eyes for a second.  The frustration has to pass, it really isn't Paul's fault and he won't add to the hurt.  "Love, please, listen to me.  You are <em>precious</em> to me.  I have everything I want right here, and that includes the squabbles that come as part of being in a relationship.  It's normal, love.  When Jesse cheated-" he runs right over Paul's sharp intake of breath - "when Jesse cheated he found a way to blame it on you, but it <em>wasn't your fault</em>.  And you and I are here together now.  I'm sorry I get pissy when things don't go my way, but I do trust you implicitly.  I know you won't hurt me.  And I will never hurt you.  Not till the day I die."</p><p>Paul looks down into his lap, and Hugh knows that it means he's trying not to cry.  He moves to sit beside Paul, one arm around his back and the other hand resting on his knee.</p><p>Paul rests his head on Hugh's shoulder.  "He hated being with me," he whispers, huddling closer.  "He was always mad at me.  I don't know why he stayed."</p><p>Hugh kisses the top of his head and says nothing.  There's no way to explain why Jesse hurt Paul the way he did.  He's tried, there's nothing he can say to make it okay.</p><p>Paul is silent for a minute longer before he speaks again.  "I'm still getting used to the idea that anyone can love me.  As I am.  I'm just really glad that you're the one who does."</p><p>"Me too, my love.  Try to believe me."</p><p>"I'm trying."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>for anon on tumblr, who asked:</p><p>post s3, somehow Hugh discovers his new body has an "affinity" with the spores and he can use the spore drive. He really doesnt like this and has panic attacks about it. But dire circumstances ensue and a too- injured Paul has to reassure Hugh he's still mostly human and the spores in the chamber aren't going to eat him but they really need to jump right now or they're all going to die.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Paul's cry of pain echoes throughout Engineering and inside Hugh's skull.</p><p>"It's no good," he yells to the bridge, "there's no <em>way</em> he can jump."</p><p>"Hugh," Michael's voice comes back, soft and apologetic, "we have to get out of here.  Now."</p><p>Half of Paul's arm is completely mangled.  Hugh can fix it, but not fast enough.  "He physically can't do it," he says, "can Book get down here?"</p><p>"Not in time."  Of course, Book is out there, in his ship, and they can't spare anyone to take over.  "Detmer, could warp-"</p><p>"Negative, Captain, the drive can't take it!"</p><p>The ship surges to one side, slamming Hugh into the wall of the spore chamber.</p><p>"Hugh," Paul says through gritted teeth.  "Hugh, you-"</p><p>The realisation of what Paul is suggesting hits Hugh like a ton of bricks.  Nobody knows about this but the two of them; Paul has protected him and kept his secret all this time, knowing that he can't, he <em>can't</em>...</p><p>"<em>Hugh</em>..."</p><p>The spore chamber door opens and Paul stumbles out, reaching to take his hand.  "I've got you," he whispers, "it's okay.  But our crew's in danger right now."</p><p>Hugh shakes his head, tries to blink back the tears, ever-aware that <em>people are here</em>.  Paul sees his look and raises his voice.</p><p>"I want everyone out of here," he yells.  There's still pain in his voice, Hugh registers, but there are bigger fish to fry right now.</p><p>"Commander-"</p><p>"<em>Out</em>!"</p><p>The couple of ensigns who were hanging around scuttle away.  Paul waits till the doors close and pulls Hugh into a tight hug.  "I know.  I know it's awful, baby, I'm so, so sorry, but I can't do this right now, and you're the only one who can.  You have to save us."</p><p>"If they find out..."</p><p>"I <em>promise</em> that won't happen.  We'll tell them I found a way to do it."</p><p>"Someone's got to be here," Hugh counters.  "You know you can't do it yourself."</p><p>Paul taps his communicator.  "Captain, I need Tilly down here.  Now."</p><p>Tilly.  Okay.  He can live with that.</p><p>"Stamets-"</p><p>"If you want us to jump, send her!"</p><p>A pause, then Michael's voice filters back through.  "She's on her way."</p><p>Tilly appears a second later, looking alarmed and a little red in the face.  "We're about thirty seconds from-"</p><p>Paul lifts his hands to silence her.  "Tilly, what's about to happen can never leave this room, do you understand?"</p><p>"Commander?"</p><p>"<em>Tilly</em>," Hugh lets out, his voice shaking a little.  Tilly meets his eyes.</p><p>"Okay," she says.</p><p>"Okay."  Paul opens the door to the spore chamber and steps inside, tugging Hugh with him.</p><p>Hugh glances back at Tilly.  Her eyes are wide, but she says nothing as she takes up her station.</p><p>"Like this," Paul murmurs, standing behind him, and guides his hands to the podiums.  "That's great."  His healthy hand rests on Hugh's arm.  "It's going to be fine," he whispers, "I've done this hundreds of times."</p><p>"What if I do it wrong?  What if we end up back in the network and-"</p><p>"We won't.  When that happened Lorca did it on purpose.  It's not going to happen again, okay?"</p><p>"But if it does-"</p><p>"If it does then I <em>will</em> get you out."  Paul kisses his shoulder, squeezes his grip on Hugh's bicep.  The ship lurches again, no doubt dodging more enemy fire.</p><p>"Commander," Michael's strained voice filters through the comm.</p><p>"Close your eyes," Paul tells Hugh, "breathe in.  Take it slow.  Perfect.  Tilly?"</p><p>"Black alert," Tilly says.  Hugh stiffens -</p><p>Oh.</p><p>It's okay.  More, it's beautiful.  The network lies out before him, and then it's over, and he's sagging back into Paul's waiting arms.</p><p>"Tilly, help me," a voice says somewhere, and he's hauled out of the chamber, he's sat down against the glass wall, a warm body sits beside him.</p><p>"How - how long has he-"</p><p>"Get him some water," Paul snaps, "and don't ask questions.  Hugh?"</p><p>Hugh exhales.  The world is coming back to normal, it's just dizziness, it just feels as though he hasn't eaten or slept for a couple of days.  He'll recover.  He'll be fine.</p><p>"It worked?"</p><p>"We're where we want to be," Tilly confirms.  A bottle of water appears in his hand; Paul guides him to take a drink.</p><p>Hugh takes a few more steadying breaths and turns to look at Paul.  "That's what it's like?"</p><p>Paul is smiling now, though there's an edge.  "Pretty much.  Yes."</p><p>"Wow."  He lets out a laugh.  "I see it now.  It's beautiful."  He moves to get to his feet, leaning on Paul.</p><p>Paul lets out a sharp sound before slamming his mouth shut.</p><p>"Paul?"</p><p>"I'm okay.  It's just my arm."</p><p>"God, you're in pain.  Here.  I can fix it."</p><p>Hugh assembles the equipment he needs with a few taps of his badge.</p><p>"Tilly," Paul says, tension in his voice - but Hugh knows that's from the pain, not the situation.  "I know we can count on you to keep this to yourself."</p><p>"Yes, sir-"</p><p>"No," Hugh says.  He lays the equipment down for a second, turning to face him a little better.  "It's okay, Paul.  I see it now."</p><p>"What you went through-"</p><p>"Won't happen again.  I know that.  You've kept me safe, Paul.  You've kept my secret.  But I'm ready."</p><p>Paul is looking into his eyes, searching for any hint of internal conflict, but Hugh stands his ground.  He can do this again if he has to.  Share Paul's burden.</p><p>"You can't take it back," Paul murmurs.</p><p>"I won't need to.  I'm not afraid any more."</p><p>Paul looks him in the eye one more time, then, finally, accepts the truth.  He nods.</p><p>"Good.  Now the captain can wait ten minutes for a report.  Give me your arm."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>anon on tumblr prompted:<br/>loving the angst!! how about paul having ptsd from being launched away, thinking his family is dead? (i know michael did the right thing but it doesn't stop me from thinking how f*cking hurt he looked)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <hr class="tmblr-truncated"/><p>Hugh can hear the argument brewing as he dries off.  Paul and Adira must have arrived sometime during his shower, so he dries off and dresses in the bathroom, rather than wandering out in a towel like he might have done if he and Paul were alone.</p><p>"Are you <em>crazy</em>?"</p><p>He opens the door to see Adira staring at Paul over the table like he's lost his mind.  "I thought it was a good idea," they insist.  "We can help and we can learn.  What's not to like?"</p><p>"That's preposterous!  You're still kids.  She <em>can't </em>order you to go."</p><p>"We volunteered!"</p><p>"You <em>what</em>?"</p><p>"Hey!  Hey, calm down," Hugh interjects, hurrying over to contain the damage.  "Gray's where?" he asks, nodding to the two empty seats.  </p><p>Adira shakes their head, indicating that he's not joining them, and Hugh sits down beside Paul.</p><p>"What's going on?"</p><p>"Our esteemed captain wants to take Adira on the landing party tomorrow," Paul seethes.  Hugh turns to Adira.</p><p>"Michael told me.  It's great!  You'll get some field experience, right?"</p><p>"That's what I think, but <em>someone's</em> acting like I volunteered to jump off a building."</p><p>Hugh slips his hand onto Paul's knee and gives a gentle squeeze.</p><p>"It's too dangerous," Paul insists, leaning forward.  "Anything could happen to you out there."</p><p>"We'll be with the captain."</p><p>Paul scoffs.</p><p>"Anyway," Adira adds, "there's no danger we know of."</p><p>"We <em>know of</em>," Paul repeats stonily.</p><p>Adira's glare is steely and absolute and matches Paul's perfectly.  "You can't stop me."</p><p>"Can't I?"</p><p>"<em>Hey</em>," Hugh pushes in, "that's enough, you two.  Cut it out."</p><p>"Not until Adira <em>promises</em> me that they won't go on this ridiculous mission."</p><p>"We're going," Adira spits back, "You're not my-"</p><p>Suddenly the table is absolutely silent.</p><p>"We're going," Adira finishes lamely, and leaves.</p><p>Paul's fists clench on the table.  "<em>Fuck</em>."</p><p>Hugh covers his hand, easing one set of fingers to entwine with his.  "So.  What was that?"</p><p>Paul shakes his head, jaw locked.</p><p>"Paul.  They'll be safe with the captain.  You know they will."</p><p>"I don't want their lives in her hands."</p><p>Hugh stares at him for a second before it clicks.  "<em>Oh</em>.  The nebula."</p><p>Paul turns to face him, earnest.  "I know.  Looking back, I <em>know</em> she made the right call, the only call, and if I'd gone to get you then the galaxy would still be a very bad place right now.  I know she went back for you all the second she could.  I <em>get it</em>.  But she'll make that choice again if she has to.  She'll weigh Adira and Gray's lives against some greater cost and-"</p><p>"Paul.  Baby.  <em>Breathe</em>," Hugh murmurs, and waits patiently for Paul to pull himself together.</p><p>"I live in fear of losing the three of you," he whispers.  "I can't forget it."</p><p>Not for the first time, Hugh is flooded with anger - not at Michael, not at the Federation or Su'Kal or even at Osyraa, just at the universe for aligning in such a way as to put Paul in such a horrible, horrible position.</p><p>"The kids will be safe," he says.  He's always been able to cover his feelings with a comforting doctor voice, but with Paul he allows an edge of anger to sit beneath it, an extension of the honesty between them.  "They'll be safe.  Michael will be with them, Reno will be with them, Bryce is going too.  And if anything happens, they're under orders to beam back to Discovery immediately.  It's just a meet and greet, they'll share information and technology.  Adira's wanted because they know 32nd century tech a thousand times better than anyone on the ship.  And Gray can eavesdrop without being noticed, if the captain thinks anything's off."</p><p>"They're just <em>kids</em>."</p><p>"They're seventeen, love.  They will be looked after, they will be safe, and they can't hold themselves back just because we're a pair of old worrywarts."</p><p>Paul closes his eyes.  "Do you know how much I hate it when you're right?"</p><p>A soft laugh escapes Hugh.</p><p>"I don't want to hold them back."</p><p>"I know."</p><p>"I don't want to be so afraid all the time.  And I <em>really</em> don't want to drive them away now."</p><p>"You won't.  Adira loves you."</p><p>"What they said just now - what they were about to say-"</p><p>"Adira's also a teenager," Hugh observes mildly.  "Don't pretend you didn't say awful things to your parents when you were seventeen.  I know I did."</p><p>Paul shrugs.  "I suppose."</p><p>"Paul, that day... you didn't just have a scare about us.  You were completely powerless, and it happened at the hands of a friend."</p><p>"She made the right call."</p><p>"Yes, she did.  But that's not what happened in your head."</p><p>Hugh watches as Paul digests the words, as they wash over him and soak into his skin.  "She betrayed my trust," he finally admits.  There are no tears in his eyes, but Hugh knows his partner pretty well, knows what a breakthrough this is.</p><p>"Paul, you need to talk to her.  You need to clear the air."</p><p>Paul nods, thinking, but Hugh knows his words have taken root.  "Yeah, I will.  After, though."</p><p></p><div>
  <p>“Yeah?”</p>
  <p>Paul pauses to give his hand a tight squeeze, to press a brief kiss to his cheek.  “I love you.  Thank you.  I need to go talk to Adira.”</p>
</div>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>anon on tumblr prompted:<br/>Pre canon, we don't know the real timeline of their relationship but according to memory alpha they're married so...: my prompt is a very fluffy proposal.<br/>(I'd love for Paul to propose just because something romantic would be cute for the grumpy mushroom man but it's up to you!) </p><p> </p><p>So, Wilson and Anthony say that they're not married, but that they could be some day, so I've written something slightly different, but still a relationship commitment made pre-canon.  (I'd love to know why they're not married, so if anyone ever gets a chance to ask them questions at a panel or anything, you'd be my lifelong hero for finding out.)</p><p>I've got my own ideas about the timeline, but for a start there's the annual comic from a couple of years ago - I consider it more a guideline than actual canon, though it's still worth a read.  It seems in the comic like Paul and Hugh were together for about 2 years before shipping out on Discovery, but since Wilson's said in an s1 interview that they've been together a long time, I prefer to call it five years minimum by the time the show starts.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <hr class="tmblr-truncated"/><p>Paul <em>never</em> cooks.</p><p>It's not that he doesn't know how.  He's actually a pretty good cook.  And it's not even that he never has time, although he doesn't, at least since the Discovery shipped out.</p><p>As a kid, he cooked all the time.  His dad was never around, his mom was always busy, and though they all loved each other they could never make time.  Lizzie never liked the taste of replicator food, so the two of them would play around with all kinds of different flavours and textures.  That was where he first discovered mushrooms.  It's part of what made him the man he is today.</p><p>"You're doing that wrong," Lizzie tells him, watching from the screen of his PADD.</p><p>"How the fuck do you dice a tomato wrong?"</p><p>"I don't know, but you're doing it."</p><p>Paul looks down at his chopping board.  "I want to get this right."</p><p>"He's not going to mind if it's not perfect, dumbass."</p><p>"<em>I'm</em> going to mind.  I want to give him a perfect night."</p><p>"Hugh already knows what he got himself in for."</p><p>Paul glares at the screen.  "You're a bad sister."</p><p>"You're lucky to have me."</p><p>There's a knock at the door.</p><p>"Computer, identify?"</p><p>"<em>Dr. Hugh Culber</em>."</p><p>"He still <em>knocks</em>?"  Lizzie demands.</p><p>"It's called common fucking courtesy, kiddo," Paul retorts.  "He's early.  Computer, open the door."</p><p>Hugh ambles in a second later, then stops short in his tracks.  "You're cooking."</p><p>Paul grins over at him.  "<em>You</em> ruined the surprise."</p><p>"I got off shift early.  Would you like me to come back later?"</p><p>"No, get over here."</p><p>Hugh approaches, and Paul puts down the knife in his hand to tug his boyfriend in for a kiss.</p><p>A gagging noise emanates from the PADD.</p><p>"Piss off," Paul mutters without turning round.  Hugh laughs quietly and leans over.</p><p>"Hey, Lizzie."</p><p>"Hi, Hugh.  Keeping him in check?"</p><p>"Don't get your hopes up."</p><p>"Okay, okay, that's enough of that," Paul declares.  "Bye, Liz."</p><p>"I'm not done talking to-"</p><p>Paul ends the call and shoves the PADD out of the way.  "That's better," he tells Hugh, "now come here and kiss me again."</p><p>Hugh is still laughing as his lips meet Paul's.</p><p>"Can I help?"</p><p>"You any good as a cook?"</p><p>"Surgeon's hands," Hugh smiles, reaching for the knife.  "Tell me what to do."</p><p>Cooking together is actually as great a date night as eating together.  They swap stories of family meals, of the foods that mean something to them and why.  Hugh's surprised to find that the bolognese they're making has no special meaning to Paul whatsoever.</p><p>"I'm kind of hoping it will after tonight," Paul tells him shyly.</p><p>There's a little bit of blush in Hugh's answering smile.</p><p>"And..." Paul tastes from the bubbling pot.  "Perfect."  He piles their plates high and lets Hugh take them to the table while he pours them each a glass of Hugh's favourite red wine.  </p><p>"You haven't told me what the occasion is," Hugh observes as they tuck in.  </p><p>"I haven't seen you for more than twenty minutes all week.  I missed you."</p><p>Hugh smiles at him for that.  "I know.  I thought being on the same ship would mean we'd see more of each other, not less."</p><p>"Right.  And that's... I thought we could talk about that tonight."</p><p>"Yeah?"</p><p>"I may have an idea."</p><p>"Well," Hugh bats back, "your ideas are always inspired."</p><p>Paul swallows two mouthfuls of bolognese and one of wine before he speaks again, well aware of Hugh's shining eyes watching him.  "We've been seeing each other for a long time now," he says, "and it's been slow because we've been apart so much, but after everything that's happened you're not just the guy I'm dating.  You're not just my boyfriend.  I don't see this ending - <em>ever</em> - at least not if I have anything to say about it.  You and me - I feel like we're more like <em>partners</em>.  A... a more permanent term."</p><p>Hugh's hand lands on Paul's.  He's tearful, Paul sees, smiling.  "I like that," he says, and his voice is a little choked.  Paul flips his hand to link their fingers.</p><p>"And... <em>as</em> partners... we ought to be - ought to be on the same page.  Working from the same base, so to speak."</p><p>"We're on the same ship," Hugh prompts gently.  "We're within reach, more than we've ever been."</p><p>"And it's not <em>enough</em>," Paul blurts out before he can stop himself.</p><p>Hugh, to his credit, doesn't flinch, but he does sit back, retreat a little.  Paul grabs his hand before he can pull away.</p><p>"I <em>miss</em> you," he says, "all the time.  We both have our work and it's important, but I don't see you enough.  I want to wake up next to you every morning.  I want to make you coffee before I leave for the lab, I want to give you backrubs after a long day of surgery, I want to feel your influence around me even when you're not here."</p><p>Hugh's voice barely breaks a whisper.  "Paul, what are you asking?"</p><p>"I want you to move in with me," Paul finally says, "will you move in with me?"</p><p>Hugh releases a choked laugh.  "Paul," he says, "you scared me for a second."</p><p>"Is... is that a-"</p><p>"Yes," Hugh tells him, tearful, scrambling close to him.  "Yes, yes, yes," each word punctuated with a kiss, "yes, Paul, absolutely, immediately, <em>yes</em>."</p><p>"Thank God," Paul sighs.</p><p>"We can start right now if you like," Hugh tells him, "I want to live with you."</p><p>But Paul shakes his head.  "We can start tomorrow.  Tonight - just be here with me tonight."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>cerulean-scarab on tumblr prompted: <br/>Hugh and Paul deciding to ask for bigger quarters so Adira can move in with them.</p><p>deals with offscreen character death from cancer.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Fists pound on the door.  Over and over, desperate.</p><p>"Alright, alright, we're coming," a voice grouses from inside.  A second later the door slides open, and Paul stands there in his Starfleet-issue pyjamas, bleary-eyed and running a hand through a mess of hair that takes bedhead to the next level.  He blinks at the visitor.  "Adira?"</p><p>"Hi," Adira says, their voice coming out a little shaky, "can I come in?"</p><p>"I, uh... yeah.  Two seconds.  Hugh?"</p><p>Adira hovers awkwardly in the doorway for a minute, trying not to eavesdrop as Paul and Hugh exchange a few whispers.  There's a rustle of fabric, and Paul pokes his head out.  "You can come in now."</p><p>Adira enters, arms huddled around themself.  </p><p>Hugh looks like he's half asleep, but he pulls himself together when he lays eyes on them.  "You look terrible," he tells them, ushering them to the couch with an arm around them.  "What happened?"</p><p>Paul joins them on their other side, and they breathe, bracketed by two steady presences who love them.  <em>It'll be okay now,</em> they remind themself.</p><p>"I, uh, I just woke up and-"  Suddenly they have to swallow a sob.  "I just - I dreamed-"</p><p>Hugh rubs their shoulder comfortingly, Paul's hand gives theirs a gentle squeeze.</p><p>"My dad," they choke out, "his death."</p><p>The words hang in the air for a second, and then Adira dissolves into sobs.</p><p>Minutes pass while they let it out, allowing Paul and Hugh to offer what comfort they can.  It feels safe.  It feels like being loved, not the way Gray loves them, but the way nobody has loved them since that horrible day all those years ago.</p><p>Twenty crumpled tissues later, they have calmed a bit, and they're curled up against Paul's side, sniffing.  Hugh hands them a glass of water and sits back down, gently rubbing their leg.</p><p>"How old were you?" Paul asks.</p><p>"Nine.  We - uh, we were six months from joining the generation ship, but... he got sick."</p><p>"What did he have?" Hugh asks, his voice very soft.</p><p>"Lung cancer."</p><p>"He couldn't get drugs to fix it?"</p><p>"He'd spent all our savings on the tickets.  There was medical care on board, if he'd just held out a little longer..."</p><p>Hugh is stiff beside Adira, and they see the look he shares with Paul, but it's over in a flash and they are both focused back on Adira, huddled between them.</p><p>"I'm sorry that happened to you," Paul murmurs.  "You shouldn't have had to go through that alone."</p><p>Adira shrugs.  "I had a few friends on the ship.  I had Gray.  I wasn't totally alone."</p><p>Paul's arm tightens around their side, though they're not sure why.  Still, it's nice.  It's really nice, actually.</p><p>"You're not alone now," Hugh tells them.  "Okay?  You've got us.  Any time you need us."</p><p>And they do, don't they?  It's why they ran halfway across the ship in the middle of the night, it's why they chased Hugh into the nebula, it's why they've felt safe on the Discovery this whole time.  They sit up, dry their eyes, smile for the two men who are becoming something big to them.</p><p>"Thanks for looking after me," they say with an indelicate sniff.  "I'm gonna, uh," they gesture vaguely towards the bathroom.</p><p>"Sure."</p><p>"We'll be here."</p><p>Adira closes the door behind them and splashes water on their face, getting rid of the worst of the tearstains.  They clean themself up, swallow some water, smile in the mirror time after time until it looks convincing.  Finally it's okay, and they head back out.</p><p>Paul and Hugh are sitting closer together now, facing each other, deep in conversation.  Hugh stops mid-sentence when he notices Adira.</p><p>"I think I'm okay now," they say, "I think I can go back to my quarters."</p><p>"You can stay here if you like," Paul offers, "it's a pretty good couch."</p><p>Adira laughs a little at that.  "Thanks, no, I need a bed."</p><p>"Then we'll walk you," Hugh puts in.  His voice is so steady Adira knows there's no point in putting up any resistance even if they wanted to.  </p><p>"Okay," they say, and it's with a smile.  Hugh and Paul each put a hand on their shoulders as they head out into the corridor.</p><p>"It's a long walk between your quarters and ours," Hugh observes mildly.</p><p>"Yeah, I must have looked like a crazy person running down here," Adira says, a self-conscious laugh escaping them.  "Normally I just make myself get over it, but tonight-"</p><p>"Does this happen a lot?"  Paul's voice is slightly alarmed, but it doesn't seem all that big a deal to Adira.  Tonight was an outlier, amplified by all the stress of recent weeks, of nearly dying, of Gray, of the long journey back to the Federation, of the intense emotion that came with their reunion.  Tonight they woke up not wanting their dad at all, but wanting Paul and Hugh.</p><p>"I dream about it," Adira says, trying to keep their voice steady.  "I'm usually okay."</p><p>"You don't have to be okay.  You should be able to get us if you need us."</p><p>"They won't move me out of cadets' quarters."</p><p>"But you're not a cadet," Paul insists, "you're-"</p><p>"You know," Hugh interrupts, "Discovery has two family suites on board.  Two bedrooms with a shared living area."</p><p>His eyes are fixed on Adira, and they grasp his arm as they realise what he means.  "You want me to-"</p><p>"If you want to," Paul concurs, "and then we'd only be a room away.  But it's your choice."</p><p>"You really want me?  As... as part of your family?"</p><p>"Adira," Paul says, his voice wavering a little, "you are our family."</p><p>Adira closes their eyes.  "You'll make me cry again."</p><p>There's a smile in Paul's voice when he says, "Sorry."</p><p>"So you'll come live with us?" Hugh asks, smiling.  He has a really great smile, Adira thinks, nobody could see that smile and feel unsafe.</p><p>"Yeah," they say, and tears spill out again.  They have a family.</p><p>"I'll talk to the captain tomorrow," Hugh says.  They arrive at Adira's door together.  It's like their parents dropping them off for a night away from home, they think, and suddenly they have to smile.</p><p>They're going to have a <em>home</em>.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>anon on tumblr prompted:<br/>paul having a panic attack? </p><p>(no happy endings in this chapter)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Paul is vaguely aware of a body hitting the floor.</p><p>"The enemy is here," he gasps, and somewhere in his mind a part of him is screaming, sobbing, <em>lost</em>, but the part of him that's present just doesn't understand...</p><p>The world changes.</p><p>Paul is in the chair, again, and again, and again, and he won't look for Hugh, knows there's nothing to find and can't bear to fail over and over, so he closes his mind to the possibility, and...</p><p>The world changes.</p><p>He was <em>wrong</em>, Hugh was here this whole time, <em>this whole time</em>, and if he'd just <em>tried</em> then maybe, maybe...</p><p>The world changes.</p><p>Hugh's hand turns to dust...</p><p>The world changes.</p><p>The world changes.</p><p>The world changes.</p><p>
  <em>This can't be happening.</em>
</p><p>He's in his quarters, hyperventilating, alone.</p><p>
  <em>Damn you, Stamets, do better, you know this.</em>
</p><p>He's talked Lizzie through this a thousand times.</p><p>Breathe in.</p><p>Breathe out.</p><p>Good.</p><p>In.</p><p>Out.</p><p>Okay.</p><p>Five things he can see.</p><p>
  <em>The hollow look in Hugh's eyes as he tried to explain...</em>
</p><p>
  <em>No, that's not in front of you, try again.</em>
</p><p>The open door to the bathroom, where the toothbrush he replicated for Hugh is lying, unused.  One.  Two, the still-made bed, pristine, the way he likes it.  Hugh never bothers to make the bed.  Three.  Two medals, side-by-side, not framed but just sitting there, out on the bedside table, laid there this morning in the hopes of giving Hugh some good news.  Four: the framed photo from their last vacation, a week on a Risian beach doing nothing except each other.  The rolls still on the floor where Hugh flung them in his outburst.  Five.</p><p>Okay.</p><p>Four things he can feel.</p><p>One: the fabric of his uniform; he runs his hand along the sleeve, pressing against the rough material.  He'd always enjoyed Hugh out of uniform, he used to say that black shirt was sexy; now he can't imagine ever being excited by that sight again.  Focus.  Two, if he reaches forward he can press his hands against the cold steel trolley.  Hugh was right, he was never a good enough partner, and now -  Three.  He leans back, presses himself into the couch.  It's too soft for his taste, too hard for Hugh's; a compromise that never really worked for either of them, though they both pretended otherwise.  Four.  He stands, takes a few steps, enters the bathroom, turns on the tap.  Ice cold water flows over his hands like they're meaningless, no obstacle at all, irrelevant in its journey from the tap to the drain.  It'll return to the mains; he's only caused a detour, but the end result will be the same.</p><p>Three things he can smell.</p><p>Sweat.  His own sweat, sticky and uncomfortable, brought on sometime during all of this.  One.  Two; the fresh, unscented shampoo he favours, still in the air from his morning shower.  Three - three, three, three, what else is there?  The lemony soap he hates, but has kept all this time because Hugh liked it so much.  That's three.</p><p>Two things he can hear.</p><p>One.  The hum of the ship's engines, gentle and constant.  Two.  The<em> rage in Hugh's voice - no, no, don't, this has been going so well</em>, two, the rise and fall of his own breathing, finally slowing down.  He can do this.</p><p>One thing he can taste.  The aftertaste of asopao still lingering on his tongue like a needle in his side, there to remind him that this is real.  This happened.  Hugh's gone.</p><p>Hugh's gone.  Paul exhales; his breathing is under control, the panic is over.  The facts remain.</p><p>Left him?  No, they've fought before; never like this, but no wonder.  Fights always have their way of working out.</p><p>
  <em>He and Hugh, at the climax of their first fight, suddenly the rage is gone and they're sobbing in one another's arms because they need each other so much more than anything else in their lives.</em>
</p><p>Hugh has been mad at him, has scolded him, has been frustrated or hurt or disappointed by him, but he's never left.  Never allowed Paul to think he could.</p><p>Now he's not so sure.</p><p>If Hugh really doesn't want to be with him any more... he'll respect that.  It's enough that he's - <em>no it's not </em>- it's enough, it's enough that he's alive and back and safe.  This can't be about Paul's needs.</p><p>One last try, then.  He'll listen.  He'll understand.  Whatever happens.</p><p>Paul dries his eyes and heads for the mess hall.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>astrasomnium on tumblr prompted (in response to chapter 6):<br/>#please write a part 2 with paul's discussion with adira omg</p><p> </p><p>ok everyone I hope this makes up for the last instalment I inflicted on you!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Adira paces in their quarters, not really trying to get the anger under control so much as <em>spewing</em>, ranting, exploding every one of the thousand furious emotions they're feeling right now.</p><p>"Are you going to carry on like this all night?" Gray asks.  He's lying on his stomach on the bed, head propped up on his elbows, bored.</p><p>"<em>Yes</em>," Adira informs him, "I can't believe this is happening!  Finally after all this time, we get a chance to explore, and he thinks he can-"</p><p>There's a knock at the door.  Kind of timid.</p><p>"What?" Adira bellows.</p><p>"Can I come in?" Paul's voice, soft, filters through.</p><p>"Go <em>away</em>."</p><p>"Adira.  Please.  I came to apologise."</p><p>"Well, I don't want to hear it."</p><p>Gray sits up abruptly, fixes a glare on Adira.  "You're acting like a child.  Let him in.  I'm out of here."  Just like that he's gone, and Adira glowers at the empty bed for a second, lets out a lengthy huff, and opens the door.  They block the entry, though, filling the frame with hands on their hips.</p><p>"Hey," Paul says, "I'm sorry for freaking out.  Please can we talk?"</p><p>"Are you going to try to stop me leaving?"</p><p>He winces.  "No.  I promise."</p><p>Adira sighs.  "Fine, but I reserve the right to kick you out any time."</p><p>"Deal," Paul agrees at once, and there's a hint of a smile.  </p><p>Adira stands aside to allow him to enter, the door sliding closed behind him.  They turn to face him, arms folded, waiting.</p><p>Paul takes a seat awkwardly on the edge of the bed.  "How much have we told you about Hugh's death?"</p><p>That's not what they were expecting.  Adira's defensive posture drops a little.  "Not much.  You brought him back from the mycelial network.  But I don't really understand what that means."</p><p>"Well, he... he was gone for a long time.  The greater part of a year.  And in that time, I didn't do a great job of handling it."<br/>Adira drifts towards him.  What would it have been like, they wonder, if they'd had to live with the memory of Gray, without actually knowing he was still alive in some way?  Would they have coped?</p><p>"You must have been devastated," they murmur.  Paul gives them a tight smile and pats the bed beside him, awkward but sincere.  Adira hesitates, but Paul is here to make up, and he's not going to try to force them not to do anything.  They take a seat.</p><p>"I was devastated," he agrees.  "And it wasn't until weeks later that I had time to grieve.  So I'd gotten used to putting it off, didn't really let myself deal with it.  And suddenly nine months had passed, I was finally getting used to going home to an empty bed, and out of nowhere - I had him back."</p><p>"Which is great, right?"  But something in Paul's face sullies that idea.</p><p>"At first it was amazing.  I don't even know how to describe it.  Incomparable.  But he was... he was a little different.  Distant, shaken, he - he didn't really want to be around me.  I tried, but I wasn't really listening to what he wanted.  I just wanted things to snap back to normal, but he'd been through something I couldn't comprehend.  So he moved out."</p><p>"What?"  Adira sits forward before they remember themself.  "I'm sorry.  I just... you two always seem so <em>stable</em>."</p><p>"Well, we are, now," Paul agrees, "but that time was rough.  We didn't know how to be there for each other, I don't think we knew what we wanted from each other.  So I lost him a second time.  And when we were getting ready to send Discovery to the future, when I decided to come along for the trip... see, he'd told me he was taking a posting on another ship.  It seemed so final.  I hadn't had him back, but it was like losing him a third time.  A final time."</p><p>"But you still chose to go."</p><p>"I knew if he was out there in the galaxy I'd never move past it.  I'd be tied to him for the rest of my life.  Coming to the future, closing the door on any possibility for us - it was awful, but it hurt less than the tiny fraction of hope that we'd be okay someday.  But then - then he followed me.  He came with us.  And I'm grateful every day of my life that he had the guts to do what I couldn't and take that one last chance for us."</p><p>Adira smiles.  "I'm glad, too."</p><p>"So when he was in that nebula and we couldn't save him, it was - it was bad."</p><p>"Yeah.  I see that."</p><p>"And then I found out you were there, too."  He's not quite brave enough to put an arm around them, Adira notices, but he does reach out a little, hand on their shoulder.  They lean into the touch, <em>no hard feelings,</em> granting silent permission to share this familial intimacy.  "I've never been so terrified.  I... I don't know if this is a little weird to say, but Hugh and I kind of think of you as ours."</p><p>Theirs.  "It's not weird," Adira rushes to promise, "I kind of think that, too."</p><p>"Yeah?"</p><p>Adira nods, and now they can't seem to help but smile.  "I shouldn't have said - what I almost said - earlier.  It wasn't fair.  And... it wasn't true, either."</p><p>His hand slides across their shoulders now, a fuller gesture.  Adira snuggles in.  It's so <em>nice</em> to feel wanted and loved.  "You're allowed to feel about us however you want to, kid."</p><p>"I feel that..."  They struggle, finding the words, but the important thing is that he understands.  "Nobody - no <em>adult</em> - has ever cared about me.  Not really.  But you do."  They tip sideways a little, let their head rest on Paul's shoulder.  "You kind of <em>are</em> my dad."</p><p>Silence for a second, then a little sniffle.  Adira looks up and sees tears in Paul's eyes.</p><p>"If I'm a little tense at the idea of you going away on dangerous missions, be patient with me," he says, giving them a little squeeze.  "It's just because I can't bear the thought of losing you."</p><p>Adira smiles.  "Okay.  But when it comes to completely normal, non-fatal missions, maybe you can ease up a little bit and not be such a jerk?"</p><p>"I promise to keep all my worrying inside my head where it belongs."</p><p>"Thank you.  And I promise not to take any unnecessary risks."</p><p>"Come see me when you get back?"</p><p>"And before I go, too," Adira promises.  Paul squeezes them in one last hug and stands.</p><p>"You want to join us for a late dinner?"</p><p>"Nah.  I already ate.  And I should probably rest up before the big day.  I'll see you tomorrow."</p><p>"I'll see you then.  Goodnight, kiddo."  The doors slide shut behind him, and Adira is alone.</p><p>They lie back on the bed and smile.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>ShunUkiLover prompted:<br/>can we get a chapter of Lizzie telling Hugh embarrassing stories about Paul</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Paul is going to <em>die</em>.</p><p>Actually, no, that's wrong; <em>Lizzie</em> is going to die.  A lengthy, painful death.  Paul's going to make sure of it.  There might be snakes.</p><p>Paul never realised how <em>stupid</em> a kid he was until he saw his exploits the way Hugh must be seeing them.  But Hugh is enjoying himself, leaning forward to hear Lizzie better, laughing openly, one arm resting across the back of Paul's chair, fingertips lightly teasing his shoulderblade.  He can't be <em>too</em> horrified, then.  Right?</p><p>Right now Lizzie is telling Hugh all about the stuffed bear he loved so much as a child.  "He kept it for years," she says, "never went anywhere without it, until one day we were at a theme park, he kept trying to go through the same rollercoaster over and over again-"</p><p>"Liz," Paul grates out, but she just sticks her tongue out at him and keeps going.</p><p>Hugh hooks his ankle around Paul's, though.  That's nice.</p><p>"-but here's the part he'll <em>hate</em> for me to tell you-"</p><p>"<em>Lizzie</em>."</p><p>"I lost my balance," Lizzie carries on defiantly, "I was only three or four, but, you know, anything Paul wanted to do, I wanted to do.  I was too small for it, but I ran after him when nobody was looking.  I got in, but when it started moving I was slipping around, the bar wasn't holding me in place properly.  I don't think the ride was as big or dangerous as it felt then, but nobody saw me.  Until I started crying, and then Paul realised I was there."</p><p>"You were a toddler, your memory's flawed," Paul objects weakly.  </p><p>"I have witnesses," Lizzie snarks back.  "There's no use denying it."  She turns back to Hugh.  "It's too late to get off, we're coming up on a loop.  So Mr. <em>feelings-are-irrelevant</em> here grabs me, somehow squeezes me into his lap under the bar, and holds me there so tight he might have slightly crushed my ribs.  The teddy was gone when we got home, and he'd never noticed.  He didn't speak to me for a week."</p><p>"Well, that's adorable," Hugh declares, though Paul is blushing furiously.</p><p>"I've got more where that came from," Lizzie grins, taking another mouthful of chardonnay.  "When he was eleven, he skipped the science fair to treat an injured blackbird.  He did a bad job, but it was the thought that counted.  Dad was furious."</p><p>"<em>You</em> missed the science fair?"</p><p>"I was rather beyond ketchup volcanoes and potato batteries.  It's not like it would've been much of a contest.  <em>Lizzie</em> won, that's how low the standard was."</p><p>Lizzie pays him back for that with a swift kick to the shin.</p><p>"Ow!"</p><p>"<em>And</em> he set up bee hotels all through the city.  Trouble was, he didn't know where it would be a good idea, so you'd find them in the middle of supermarkets or libraries.  One time he caused a swarm in the middle of school, and we all got out for the day."</p><p>"That was May Bennet's fault," Paul objects.  "She left the window open.  I was going to take it into the gardens at the end of the day."</p><p>"Sure you were," Lizzie bats back lightly.  She gets up to gather their plates and heads for the kitchen, leaving Paul and Hugh alone.</p><p>Hugh leans in a little, leveraging himself with the arm still slung over the back of Paul's chair.  "You don't have to be embarrassed.  I think it's sweet."</p><p>"Sweet <em>is</em> embarrassing," Paul grumbles, but he can't stay truly mad when Hugh gives him those eyes. </p><p>"Hey, jackass, these dishes won't wash themselves," Lizzie yells from the kitchen. </p><p>Thankfully, Hugh looks amused and not uncomfortable, so Paul squeezes his shoulder, lets out a long-suffering sigh, and drifts into the kitchen.</p><p>"Do you <em>mind</em>?" he hisses.  "I don't want him thinking I'm a <em>total</em> loser."</p><p>"Oh, honey.  You <em>are</em> a total loser.  I don't think he minds."</p><p>Paul glances back.  Hugh is amusing himself with the slideshow in the photo frame Lizzie must have set out on purpose.  "No," he muses, "maybe he doesn't."  Hugh's seen more of the real Paul tonight than anyone but Lizzie or Straal has in a long time.  If he's still interested after the ordeal of tonight,, then maybe...</p><p>"Hey, you're supposed to be helping me," Lizzie objects.</p><p>"I'm your <em>guest</em>, princess.  Do it yourself."</p><p>Paul ducks as she throws a teatowel at his face, flips her off, and makes his exit, shoving the door closed behind him.  He closes his eyes for a second, exhales, then grins ruefully.  "You must think we're completely insane."</p><p>Hugh laughs, a melodic sound that runs right through Paul's body.  "Oh, not completely.  The truth is I'm feeling a little bit jealous."</p><p>That doesn't make any sense.  Paul quirks an eyebrow, inviting him to continue.</p><p>"I don't have any siblings.  It's always just been me and my mom.  But you - you have someone who gets you, who sees where you're at, who doesn't expect anything of you.  I always wanted that bond.  What's it like?"</p><p>Paul smiles, then, exaggeratedly, peers over his shoulder towards the kitchen and lowers his voice to a whisper.  "If you repeat this I won't be held accountable for my actions," he threatens, "but she's actually my best friend.  She's just my worst enemy, too.  That's what it's like."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>anon on tumblr prompted: (refers to chapter 8)</p><p>having just read your Adira gets to move in fic....Grey becomes corporeal (synthetic android body) and needs a place to sleep so of course he moves in with the family as well....and Paul has to drag a bed from cadet quarters to squeeze into Adira's room. And he frets later on with Hugh about being parental to both halves of a couple.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Gray blinks.</p><p>He actually, physically <em>blinks</em> his android eyes, and then he's blinking again, trying to stop tears from welling over.</p><p>He turns to Paul.  "You built in the ability to <em>cry</em>?"</p><p>"Pretty much everything a person can do, you can do," Paul tells him with a friendly hand on his shoulder.  "You need to sleep.  You don't <em>have</em> to eat, technically, but you should.  And most importantly, you need touch.  Just like anyone."</p><p>"Yes, I do," Gray murmurs.  For a moment he's back in the holo clinging to Hugh and Adira for all he's worth, about to dissolve.  Then he scrambles forwards, and Paul catches him, wraps him up in a tight, loving hug.</p><p>"It's great to finally meet you, Gray," Paul says, smiling.  Gray's always liked the way Paul smiles.  He withdraws a little and sees it's the same smile he often gives Adira, full of paternal affection.  It's <em>really</em> nice.</p><p>"So, you ready to take it for a spin?"</p><p>Gray swings his legs back and forth experimentally.  "I think so."  He pushes off from the table and jumps down.  Free-falling feet collide with solid steel, and the sensation passes through him like a wave.</p><p>"Okay?" Paul asks, one hand hovering nearby.</p><p>Gray smiles at him and nods.  "Okay."  With one hand still resting on the table, he takes a couple of steps.  It feels like being a person.  "This is good," he says, "I feel really good."</p><p>"Shall we let them in?"</p><p>Gray grins.  He's about to get a <em>lot</em> of hugs.  "Let's let them in."</p><p>Two hours later, they're walking through the corridors together.  Gray follows Adira into the family quarters, habitual, then stops just inside the doorway.  This isn't his home.</p><p>Oh, it's <em>theirs</em>, of course; signs of the three of them are everywhere, and he knows Adira's added a couple of personal touches meant to represent him, but it's not quite right.  It feels like an intrusion.</p><p>"Coming?" Adira asks, their eyes twinkling.  Gray hesitates.</p><p>Hugh takes a step closer, reaches out a hand.  Gray takes it right away.  There's something exceptionally warm about Hugh, something exceptionally trustworthy.  "You're with us," he murmurs, "we'll all adjust.  I made it out in one piece, so will you."</p><p>That's true.  Gray's only heard Hugh's story once, but he remembers everything about it, the kinship he felt with a man who was still, then, a stranger.</p><p>He enters the living quarters.  It's nearly eleven, he knows, and after just a short while walking around in this body, he's already exhausted.</p><p>"You're just adjusting," Paul says when he mentions it.  "You'll start to feel more like your old self again soon.  In the meantime, I think a good night's sleep would do us all some good."</p><p>Sleep.  He's going to close his eyes, drift away, feel like a normal person.</p><p>"You're in with me," Adira emphasises, taking his arm - though not getting too close.  Gray knows Paul and Hugh have both warned them about giving him his space, and just now he appreciates it. He loves Adira dearly, but he also wants to be away from them; his own independent person.</p><p>"We're not... we're not sharing a bed, are we?"  There's another can of worms to open there, because he and Adira are older than they used to be, and what if they want more now?  But everyone in the room is shaking their heads so firmly that he knows it's safe.</p><p>"I stole a bed from the quarters down the corridor," Paul says, "there must be fifty spare beds on Discovery now, nobody's going to miss it."</p><p>Adira tugs him towards their room.  "I thought tomorrow we can look at adding a personal touch for <em>you</em>," they say, "but tonight we should probably rest."</p><p>"You should <em>definitely</em> rest," Hugh puts in, "and so should we.  Goodnight."</p><p>"Night," Adira throws over their shoulder as the bedroom door slides shut.</p><p>Gray looks around.  "It feels different," he says.  "I've been in this room a hundred times."</p><p>"You've got a body now," Adira says, but they sound uncertain, too.  "We should go to bed.  We'll talk in the morning?"</p><p>"Okay."</p><p>Adira turns to face him.  "Hey, is it - is it okay if I kiss you goodnight?"</p><p>Suddenly Gray feels a lot more normal.  The sense of <em>himself</em> spreads through his body as naturally as the smile does across his face.  "It's mandatory," he says, and his smile remains when Adira's lips press sweetly against his.</p><p>"Everything's going to be better now," they say, hands tightly gripping his.</p><p>"Yeah," Gray murmurs, but his voice comes out dry.  "Night."</p><p>"Goodnight."</p><p>He heads straight to the bed and curls up under the covers.</p><p>Behind him, Adira murmurs, "Computer, lights," and they're plunged into darkness.  Gray pulls the sheets tight around himself, squeezes his eyes shut, and tries to calm his buzzing mind.</p><p>In the darkness, he's overwhelmed with sensation.</p><p>The sheet is soft, but still irritates him just where that tender spot is on his shoulder.  Only Adira knew about that; did they build it into his artificial body?  What <em>for</em>?  And he can hear his own breath, his own beating heart, but more than that, Adira's.  They snore.  <em>Loudly</em>.  He'd forgotten that.</p><p>What if he has a nightmare?  <em>Can</em> he have nightmares?  Suppose he wakes up crying or screaming, and pulls Adira from sleep, and then he won't be able to get space until-</p><p>"Computer," he whispers, "match volume to this decibel level.  What time is it?"</p><p>"The time is 0337," the computer whispers back.  Gray glances over his shoulder, but it's fully pitch black, and he has no idea if Adira's heard him.</p><p>"Computer, lights to five percent."</p><p>He slips out of bed as the room lightens, just enough that he can make out the obstacles - a few bits of furniture, Adira's clothes strewn across the floor.  He pads carefully over to the door and opens it, slipping out into the family living space.</p><p>That's better.  Being out here, no worry of disturbing Adira.  "Computer," he says, "play <em>All or Nothing</em>."</p><p>"Unfamiliar."</p><p>That's right.  It's a thousand-year-old computer with nothing modern at all.  "What's the most listened to playlist for these quarters?"</p><p>"A selection of operatic music from various cultures."</p><p>Opera?  There's something inside him that tugs at the thought.  He smiles.  "Play that, please."</p><p>As a Bajoran melody drifts through the shared family space, Gray flops down on the couch, leans back, and closes his eyes.  <em>Perfect</em>.</p><p>"God," Paul's voice grumbles, "computer, turn this noise off."</p><p>Gray opens his eyes, squinting in the sudden brightness of the room.  "Nngh?"</p><p>Paul turns around.  "Gray?"</p><p>He forces himself to sit up.  "Hi."</p><p>"Did you sleep out here?" Paul asks, plopping himself down beside Gray.  "Is everything okay?"</p><p>Gray shrugs.  "Couldn't sleep in there."</p><p>"Why not?"</p><p>"Too dark.  Too quiet.  Adira snores."</p><p>Paul laughs softly.  "So does Hugh.  It's best not to mention it, they get sensitive."</p><p>"Ugh."  Gray leans back, throwing his head against the back of the couch and glaring at the ceiling.  "But how am I supposed to <em>sleep</em>?"</p><p>"Hey, don't worry, we'll figure something out.  Can you-"</p><p>"Gray!"</p><p>The bedroom door is opening, and Adira bursts out, crossing the room to him instantly.</p><p>"Morning," he says.</p><p>"Why did you leave?  I thought-"</p><p>"Hey," Paul says, reaching out, "Adira.  Calm down."</p><p>"I'm sorry," Gray says, "I just needed space."</p><p>Adira raises their voice.  Gray knows it's not intentional, but he still can't help flinching.  "I woke up and you were <em>gone</em>, Gray."</p><p>The other bedroom door opens and Hugh emerges, rubbing his eyes and staring out at the scene.  "Is everything okay?"</p><p>A series of looks pass between Paul and Hugh.  Gray glances to Adira for a second, but they look just as bemused as he feels.</p><p>"Okay," Hugh says, "Adira, come with me, let's go get us all some breakfast."</p><p>"But I-"</p><p>"Go," Paul says.  Adira glares at him, betrayed, but goes.</p><p>"They're gonna be mad at you," Gray warns.</p><p>"I can handle it."</p><p>Gray's not convinced.  Adira's anger is a powerful thing, rarely disturbed, but dangerous.  But it's nice of Paul to do this for him, so he lets it go.</p><p>"It's like I'm supposed to go back to normal right away," he says, "only we've grown a lot since I died, we're not kids any more, and I don't know how to be.  I want to be here, I want to be with Adira, but..."</p><p>"Not all the time?" Paul prompts gently.</p><p>Gray shrugs.  Probably.</p><p>"Okay.  Well, we can see about putting an extra wall in your room.  In the meantime, there's always privacy screens."</p><p>"I don't want Adira to think I don't want to be around them."</p><p>'They won't think that."</p><p>
  <em>Won't they, though?</em>
</p><p>"Look," Paul says, "after we got Hugh back from the network, we had... we had a hard time.  Neither of us really had any support network, and we couldn't be everything to each other for a while.  It was awful.  For both of us.  We made it through, but it was hard.  It's still hard sometimes."</p><p>"I understand," Gray murmurs.</p><p>"Exactly.  You two have us.  And we understand, we've been there.  We'll help you figure it out, okay?"</p><p>"Okay.  Um... thanks."</p><p>Paul squeezes his shoulder.  "Any time, kid.  We've got you."</p><p>Gray doesn't remember what it's like to have parents, but if this is it, he never wants anything to change again.</p><p>The door slides open then, and Gray and Paul both look up to see Hugh and Adira hover in the doorway, laden with breakfast trays.  "We good?" Hugh asks.</p><p>Paul nods.  "Come on.  I'm starving."</p><p>The four of them settle around the table.  Gray can't help but stare at his plate, laughing.  "Is that Jibalian omelette?"</p><p>Adira lights up.  "I thought you might like it."</p><p>Gray takes a bite and closes his eyes.  For a second he's fourteen again, back on the generation ship and having the time of his life.  "That's amazing."</p><p>"It sounds like there's a story there," Hugh prompts, smiling, and Gray looks at Adira for a second before they both burst into giggles.</p><p>"I made this for our second date," Gray explains.  "But I got all the spices wrong.  Adira took one bite and was sick for hours."</p><p>"We spent weeks adapting our recipe," Adira continues.  "I don't think we ate anything else for a month.  Sickbay hated us."</p><p>"Finally we had it absolutely perfect, and we wanted to do something special, so we invited a few of the other kids over for a kind of dinner party.  Every one of them got sick.  We were fine, though."</p><p>"Can I try a bite?"</p><p>Gray hands Paul his plate before Hugh can protest.  Paul takes the smallest mouthful.  His face turns red, he grabs a napkin and spits it out, horrified.</p><p>Gray laughs, and looks at Adira.  They're laughing too, enjoying the show as Paul tears away in the direction of the bathroom and Hugh watches, head in his hands, affectionately mortified.</p><p>Adira leans over and whispers to Gray.  "I'm sorry.  Are we going to be okay?"</p><p>Gray slips his hand into theirs.  "Yeah," he says, "we're going to be great.  I think we're going to be like them."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Chapter 13</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>potterfan2006 prompted:<br/>can I ask for one where Hugh and Adria take care of Paul when he is really really sick? maybe Adria finds him first and it kind of really freaks the out becasue of Their whole Father thing....and then yeah Hugh steps in and gets to work. LOL I just want LOTS of Drama, Angst and family love.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Adira's humming as they enter Engineering, a tune one of the others used to be fond of.  Cara, maybe?  It's an ancient pop song, something hundreds of years old, but it still rings true, full of fun and joy and enthusiasm.</p><p>"Adira?"</p><p>They glance around, but there's no sign of Paul.  "Are you hiding?"</p><p>"I'm... stuck."</p><p>It sounds like the words are coming through gritted teeth.  "Where are you?"</p><p>A hand sticks out from under a workstation.  Adira hurries over, and-</p><p>"Oh my God!"  They drop down to their knees beside Paul.  He's trembling, paler than ever, covered in red lesions.  His eyes are hollow, red-rimmed and sunken.  Nothing's trapping him in place, he's just too weak to move.  "What's - I don't understand."  They touch their communicator.  "Hugh, I need you in engineering!  Now!"</p><p>Paul doesn't even look like he wants to object.  This must be bad.  Adira sinks down.  What will they do if -</p><p>Hugh materialises a second later.  He's not in uniform, but in a sweat-drenched t-shirt; he must have come from the gym.  "Adira, what's wrong?"</p><p>Adira scrambles back, gestures to Paul, unable to speak. Hugh is across the room in seconds.  He freezes for a second when he sees Paul, unmasked horror written across his face.  A flash later, he's crouching over Paul, their hands intertwined, and he's waving Adira over.</p><p>"Computer, lock down engineering and run a full decontamination sequence," he says.  "Identify any individuals who've been in here in the last four hours and isolate them.  Culber to sickbay, prepare for quarantine.  Three transporting in with exposure to Andorian measles.  Commander Stamets is in stage-" his voice cracked a little - "stage three."</p><p>"We're ready for you," Doctor Pollard's voice filters back a moment.  Hugh grabbed Adira's hand, and the three of them transported together.</p><p>They remain there, treated by doctors in hazmat suits, for three hours.  Finally, the three of them are left alone, trying to get comfortable in the isolation quarters, trying to stay calm.</p><p>"How is he?" Adira asks, voice low.  Hugh smiles sadly at them.  He's sitting up at the foot of the bed, Paul's head pillowed in his lap, carefully dabbing at his face with a cool, damp cloth.</p><p>"Touch and go," he says.  "You and I will be fine. Before symptoms develop you can stop the spread of the disease.  But when it's this advanced, all we can do is wait."</p><p>Adira takes that in quietly, huddled alone on their bed, wrapping themself tight in their blanket, the only comfort they can take right now.</p><p>A muffled grunt comes from the other bed.  Hugh leans forward, voice low and loving.  "Paul?  It's gonna be okay, I'm right here."</p><p>"Hugh?"</p><p>"I've got you.  It's okay."</p><p>Paul mutters something incomprehensible and buries his face in Hugh's thigh.</p><p>"I know.  I know, baby, I'm so sorry.  It'll be over soon."</p><p>Adira listens to the soft words of comfort and tries their absolute hardest to believe them.</p><p>"Adira?"</p><p>They glance over to Hugh through tearful eyes.  He offers a sympathetic smile.</p><p>"Why don't you go home and get some sleep?  You're free to go, you're not contagious any more."</p><p>"No.  Please, I don't - I don't want to leave."</p><p>"You need to rest."</p><p>"But what if something happens?  I want to be here."</p><p>Hugh shifts around on the bed, putting the cloth aside.  Paul lets out a disgruntled noise, and he pauses, stroking his hair and making soothing sounds.  Eventually, satisfied, he reaches out an arm to Adira.  "Come here."</p><p>They hop off their bed and cross over.  Hugh's made just enough space for them to squeeze in next to him if he puts an arm around them, and he does, hugging them close against his side, his other hand remaining in Paul's hair.</p><p>
  <em>I can't lose another father.</em>
</p><p>Adira reaches out and takes Paul's hand.  It's clammy, sweaty, loose in their grip.  Hugh's arm squeezes gently around them.</p><p>"What will we do if he dies?" they whisper, not daring to look up from the pale, distant face below them.</p><p>"I don't know," Hugh answers, his voice choked and hollow.  "But we'll stick together, okay?"</p><p>Adira rests their head on his shoulder and sniffs.  The hand in theirs flexes.</p><p>"Paul?"</p><p>Hugh shifts as well, gently turning Paul's head to face upwards.  "Paul?  You with us?"</p><p>Paul lets out something that sounds like it might be Hugh's name.</p><p>"I'm here, love, what do you need?"</p><p>"Hot," he groans.</p><p>"I'm sorry."  Hugh reaches over to the stand beside the bed, where the compress has been sitting in cold water, and holds the bowl out to Adira.  "Wring this out for me.  Thanks."</p><p>He puts the bowl back, and lets Adira take over dabbing Paul's face.  They do their best to soothe as they go, gently pressing against his forehead.</p><p>"Try not to get his hair wet," Hugh advises, his voice soft.  "He hates that."</p><p>"Okay."  Their voice is still wavering.</p><p>Paul shifts a little on the bed below them.  "'Dira?"</p><p>"Hi," Adira murmurs, leaning down a little.</p><p>Paul frowns at them.  "Cry," he mutters, eyes darting around, unfocused and urgent.</p><p>Adira blinks back a few more tears.  "I'll try not to," they promise, and Paul finally meets their eyes, just for a second, a gesture of acknowledgement.  Then he looks to Hugh.</p><p>"I... die?"</p><p>"No," Hugh says, and his voice is so saturated with authority Adira thinks they wouldn't dare to die on his watch.  "No, baby, you're not going to die.  You're coming back to us.  You've just got to hold out for a little while longer, please can you do that for me?"</p><p>Paul's hand twitches; Hugh rushes to take it.  "Hugh."</p><p>"I'm right here, love."</p><p>"Sl'p?"</p><p>"Yes, darling.  You can sleep.   Let your body do its work."</p><p>"Stay?"</p><p>"We'll be here, I promise."</p><p>The smallest of smiles drifts over Paul's face.  "Safe," he murmurs, and his eyes slip shut.</p><p>Hugh exhales slowly, and Adira feels that he's a little less tense.</p><p>"That's good, right?" they whisper.</p><p>"Natural sleep is good.  Very good.  But it's up to him now, to keep fighting.  He can't give up."</p><p>Adira takes in the peaceful face below them, curled into Hugh's thigh, nose pressed into the back of his knee.  He looks like he belongs there, like he's sheltered and safe.  His hand still sits in theirs, not quite gripping, but holding; there's more strength in his grasp than before.</p><p>"It's a good thing he has something to fight for," they suggest.  </p><p>Hugh looks at them and his tight face softens into a small, exhausted smile.</p><p>"I think you should sleep, too," they whisper, cuddling closer to Hugh.</p><p>"I can't."</p><p>"Look at him," Adira presses, keeping their voice soft.  "He's not going anywhere.  He looks like he's not in too much pain.  I'll keep watch, I'll wake you if anything happens.  He's going to need you alert when he wakes up."</p><p>Hugh deflates.  "I am tired.  Maybe you're right."</p><p>"I usually am," they smile.  "I promise I'll take care of him."</p><p>Hugh closes his eyes.  "Wake me in an hour?"</p><p>Adira doesn't want to promise that, but it's moot.  Hugh's already asleep. They smile, enjoying the familial comfort of the moment, and lean forward.</p><p>"Please fight, Paul," they whisper, "please be okay. Hugh needs you.  I need you."  Paul is fast asleep, still and stable, and he's still holding their hand.  Adira presses a swift kiss to his forehead.  "Please come back," they choke out, "come back and be my dad."</p><p>They finally wake Hugh three hours later, when they know they can't stay awake themself for more than a few minutes longer.  Hugh looks better for the rest, and he seems encouraged by Paul's condition, by his continued sleep.</p><p>"His body's making better use of the strength that would be keeping him awake.  Every part of him is fighting to come back to us," he tells Adira in hushed tones.  His fingers are stroking Paul's hair again, rhythmic and tender.  It looks comforting; though Adira's not sure who the comfort is really for.  He gives Adira an assessing look.  "You need to sleep."</p><p>"Yeah."  Adira curls against him and shuts their eyes.  Hugh's arm is still around them, somehow; he rubs up and down their arm, in time with the hand in Paul's hair.  Adira finds themself breathing in time with the strokes, and soon they're not aware of anything at all.</p><p>When they finally drift back into consciousness, they're no longer curled up against Hugh's side.  They're in a bed, buried under a thick blanket, alone.</p><p>They sit up sharply, then have to stop, blinking and squinting in the white sickbay lights.</p><p>"Adira.  Hey."  Hugh's voice is soft, still there.  Adira twists until he comes into view.  He's in uniform now, and he looks more relaxed, more like himself.</p><p>"Paul?"</p><p>"He's right there."  Hugh points, and Adira looks to the next bed.  Paul is sitting up, looking weak, but alive. He waves to Adira, smiling.  "His fever broke, he's going to be just fine."</p><p>"Can I-?"</p><p>"Yes.  Be gentle, he's on some good drugs right now."</p><p>Adira pauses in their scramble only to give Hugh a quick but tight hug.  Then they scuttle across to Paul's bedside, where he reaches out an arm to draw them in.  Adira hugs him close, cautious of jostling him, but too eager to draw the final comfort of feeling his breath and heartbeat for themself.</p><p>"Hey, kid," Paul murmurs.  His voice is dry and cracked, but the biggest smile echoes through it.  "It's okay now."</p><p>"You really scared me," Adira blurts out, and there are tears again.  Paul pulls them back into the hug, presses his cheek against theirs.</p><p>"You saved me," he says.  "If you hadn't found me and done what you did..."</p><p>"Don't."  Adira squeezes their eyes shut.  They can't cry now.  "Just..."</p><p>"It's okay."</p><p>"You don't get to do that, okay?  You don't get to die."</p><p>Paul's cheek tightens against theirs like a smile.  "Okay, kid.  I'll do my best."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Chapter 14</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>anon on tumblr prompted:<br/>How about Paul angsting and Hugh comforting?</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"You're home."</p><p>Paul glances up from the couch, smiling with only a little tension behind it.  "You don't need to sound so surprised.  Haven't I made an effort lately?"</p><p>Hugh wanders past him, tearing off his jacket and tossing it aside.  "I told you I'd be working late.  I figured you'd be in the lab."</p><p>"Didn't want you to come home to empty quarters."</p><p>Hugh stares at him.  "Where's this come from?"</p><p>Paul shrugs.</p><p>Hugh comes to sit beside him, hand automatically reaching out, landing on the nape of Paul's neck.  "What's going on, babe?"</p><p>"Nothing's going on.  Isn't this what you always wanted from me?  To be around?"</p><p>"I mean, yes, but..."</p><p>"Hugh, please," and Paul's tone is rough and edgy now, a hint of desperation, "I hoped this would make you happy.  I don't know what else to do to make you happy."</p><p>Hugh falls entirely silent.  His jaw hangs open, his eyes are wide, his hands cold.</p><p>"Please tell me what to do."</p><p>A switch turns in Hugh.  He grabs Paul's face between his hands, forces him to look him in the eye.  "Paul.  Sweetheart.  I'm happy just to be with you again.  I don't need all this."</p><p>Paul's hands move of their own accord, grasping Hugh's wrists.  "I just don't ever want to give you another reason to leave."</p><p>Hugh's on his feet before he realises what he's doing.  He turns, takes three steps, and when he looks back Paul's face is painted with pain.</p><p>"You're angry," he surmises quietly.</p><p>For a moment it's Hugh's first night home again, and he can't seem to help himself as he shouts and throws things and hurts Paul.  Then he's back, more or less recovered, and he's flying to his partner's side.  "Baby, <em>no</em>.  No, I'm... upset, but it's not your fault.  None of what's happened has been your fault."</p><p>Paul shakes his head.  "No, you were right.  I was always working, weekends, nights, I wasn't around for you and-"</p><p>Hugh takes one of Paul's hands between both of his.  "I was wrong to say that.  I was angry, but I knew what Lorca put you through."</p><p>"But I could have-"</p><p>"Could have made more of an effort, yes, and so could I."  Hugh lifts Paul's hand, presses a few soft kisses against the knuckles.  "What I said to you after I came back was... it was about me.  I needed room to figure myself out, I couldn't have recovered here.  But you didn't do anything wrong."</p><p>Paul closes his eyes.  "We both know that's not true."</p><p>"It is true.  When have I ever lied to you?"</p><p>"Just now," Paul's hollow voice tells him, "when you said you were happy."</p><p>And now there are tears on Hugh's part, too; he can't hold back any more.  He can't speak.  He stares into Paul's eyes, trying to find anchorage there.</p><p>"You're not sleeping," Paul continues.  "You get up in the middle of the night to cry in the shower.  You take extra shifts.  You're not happy, and I don't know how to help."</p><p><em>He knows?  </em>Hugh's hand moves around to the back of Paul's head, into his hair, and pulls him forward until their foreheads press together.  "You do help.  I still have a lot of work to do on myself, but you and me, that's solid.  It's real.  You ground me."</p><p>"You've never talked to me about any of this."  Paul's voice comes out at a whisper, and he won't meet Hugh's eyes.</p><p>"I didn't want to worry you," Hugh admits.  "But I guess I did that anyway, didn't I?"</p><p>Paul smiles weakly through his tears.  "So you don't regret-?"</p><p>Hugh has to pull him into a hug then.  He presses his face into Paul's neck, feels Paul do the same, sinks into the embrace as Paul's fingers tighten in his shirt.</p><p>"I love you," he vows, "I love you, Paul, I'm so grateful to have you.  How can I help you trust me?  How can I prove I won't leave?"</p><p>"I don't know."</p><p>No, how could he?  It's too much to ask.  "Okay," Hugh whispers, "I'll just keep not leaving."</p><p>"And can you... talk to me?  When you feel like that?  Wake me up."</p><p>"Promise."</p><p>"Okay."  Paul pulls back, eyes red-rimmed, but he's smiling.  "I'll go wash my face, and then maybe we can go get some dinner?"</p><p>Hugh kisses him sweetly.  "That sounds perfect."</p><p>"Good."  Paul stands, his posture entirely different, and makes his way to the bathroom.  "Hey," he says over his shoulder, "are you gonna pick up that jacket, or are we living like rats now?"</p><p>The laugh that spills out of Hugh is entirely real, and he goes to retrieve the offending clutter.  "It's good to have you back, babe."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Chapter 15</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>bookworknerdposts-blog on tumblr prompted:<br/>May not be full culmets but could you do one in response to the scene at georgious memorial where Stamets says he’s give gray a piece of his mind over ignoring adira ? Maybe when gray is a full holo they give him the don’t hurt adira talk ?</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"And... that should fix it.  Try now?"</p><p>A voice echoes around the lab.  "How's this?"</p><p>Paul smiles up towards the speakers.  "Hi, Gray.  It's good to hear your voice."</p><p>"It's really good to be heard," Gray says, and Paul could swear he hears Gray smiling, too.</p><p>"So," Paul says, sitting back in the office chair.  "How's life inside Adira's head?"</p><p>"I'm not in Adira's head, exactly.  I'm here alone, right?  Adira's just the only one who can interact with me."</p><p>"Oh.  So you can actually be anywhere?  And nobody would know it?"</p><p>"Not anywhere.  If I wander away too far I start to drift off.  But - yeah.  Basically."</p><p>Paul winces.  "Look, sometimes people will be talking about... private things... and maybe-"</p><p>"Oh!  Don't worry.  I try really hard not to listen to things I shouldn't, and I don't repeat what I hear."</p><p>Well, that's a start.  "Just be careful," Paul advises, "some people don't want anyone knowing their private lives."</p><p>"Yes, sir."</p><p>Paul winces.  "God, don't you start with the sir, please."</p><p>There's a hesitation before Gray answers.  "Isn't that what you're supposed to call your significant other's father figure?"</p><p>"Not in this family."  But it's nice to be called Adira's father figure, he supposes.  And speaking of which, he and Gray have some unfinished business to settle.  "Gray, you're part of our family, kid, okay?  We're all in your corner.  Hugh and I will look out for your best interests as much as Adira's."</p><p>A moment passes, and Gray's voice filters back, "Thank you.  I appreciate that."</p><p>"Good.  But - there's a but."</p><p>"Okay."</p><p>"Don't do that to Adira again."</p><p>The silence lasts much longer this time.  Paul starts to wonder if he's crossed a line; if the kid can't take it.  But finally Gray speaks up.</p><p>"I was scared.  But it's not going to happen again."</p><p>"That kid loves you.  A lot."</p><p>"I know," Gray says, "and I love them.  I don't want to hurt them."</p><p>"Glad to hear it."  </p><p>"Are you mad at me?"</p><p>Mad?</p><p>"Gray, can I - I don't know where you are, tell me where I should be facing."</p><p>"I'm opposite you," Gray says, his voice small.</p><p>Paul fixes his gaze across the table, roughly where he thinks Gray's face should be.  "Okay.  First of all, no, nobody's mad at you.  Disappearing without a word wasn't a great thing to do, but I - I sort of understand how you must have felt.  Nobody's ever been through what you're going through.  But Hugh and I have come close."  He pauses before he continues; this is a lot to talk about with a kid whose face he's never seen, but he <em>does</em> feel for the poor kid, and Gray really needs someone to get him.  </p><p>"When he died," he says, "I couldn't deal with it right away.  We were in the middle of a crisis, and if I'd broken down like I wanted to, I'm not exaggerating when I say the entire multiverse would have been wiped out.  So by the time I could really take it in, he'd been gone for a while.  I'd got used to not dealing with it, but when I finally did... I was at the centre of my grief."  He's tearful again, <em>fuck</em>, but it's true the loss still stings after all this time.  "I didn't have to consider anyone else's feelings.  And then Hugh came back, and I had to shove all my pain aside, because it was so necessary to accommodate his."</p><p>"But - surely the pain was over.  When you had him back."</p><p>"No."  But it's good to know Gray's listening.  Maybe Paul will even get through.  "I'd still lost him.  He'd still died, I'd still had to leave him behind in the network.  I'd still grieved.  I was still in the middle of grieving, really.  HIs suffering trumped mine, but my pain didn't go away.  I tried, but I was in no position to be everything he needed."</p><p>"I don't understand."</p><p>Paul leans forward, does his best approximation of looking Gray in the eye.  "You're going through one of the hardest things a person could possibly go through.  But Adira can't be your entire support system.  They're struggling, too, and they need you.  I'm saying make time to have fun together.  And when you need support that Adira can't give you, that's when you come to Hugh and me.  We'll help."</p><p>Gray's quiet for a minute.  "I just want things to go back to normal.  Especially with Adira.  We used to be really good for each other, I don't - I don't want either of us to feel trapped."</p><p>Even though he can't touch the kid, Paul stretches a hand out on instinct.  "I know," he says, soft.  "You're not alone, okay?"</p><p>"That's new."  There's something almost rueful in Gray's tone.  </p><p>Poor kid.  "I'm sorry," Paul says.  "But you've got a family now.  You're stuck with us."</p><p>"Promise?"</p><p>"Promise."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Chapter 16</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Snorlax_on_USS_Discovery prompted:<br/>How about some Jett/Paul time and they talk about Hugh.</p><p>This one was hard because there were so many possibilities - I had a list of different settings, when to place this, what kind of conversation it would be.  I actually wrote a chunk set in early S2, but after I came across Wilson's episode of the Black Alert Podcast (instead of doing my job) yesterday I had different ideas - so here we go!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <hr class="tmblr-truncated"/><p>"Thought you'd be at home," Reno says, more like an announcement than a question as she strolls into Engineering.  "You've barely been here since loverboy moved back in."</p><p>Paul shrugs.  "He's working late tonight.  I try to match his shifts when I can."</p><p>"Precious as that may be, I was hoping for some peace and quiet tonight."</p><p>Paul glowers at her sardonic tone.  "Keep hoping.  I'm busy."</p><p>"Fine."  Reno gets to work, ignoring him.  </p><p>Paul lets out a huff, annoyed and relieved at once.  His personal PADD lights up, always on hand these days, and he smiles to himself at Hugh's message.</p><p>
  <em>&gt;&gt;This is hell, get me out of here please?</em>
</p><p>He types back, <em>youre on your own x</em></p><p>
  <em>&gt;&gt;I hate you :(</em>
</p><p>
  <em>no you dont &lt;3</em>
</p><p>"Do you mind?"</p><p>The smile drops from his face as he glares up at Reno.  "What?"</p><p>"Grinning like that.  It's sickening."</p><p>"Well, I apologise for being happy."</p><p>"Apology <em>not</em> accepted."</p><p>Ugh.  He turns back to type again.  <em>changed my mind want to come help me murder reno?</em></p><p>
  <em>&gt;&gt;Maybe tomorrow.  Too tired to steal an escape pod tonight.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>bad day?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>&gt;&gt;Nah, just long.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>can you take a break?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>&gt;&gt;Maybe in a little while.  A short one.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>comm me if you want to talk</em>
</p><p>
  <em>&gt;&gt;Love you.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>love you too</em>
</p><p>Hugh's name greys out, indicating he's gone offline, and Paul sets the PADD aside.</p><p>"Were you two always like this?" Reno demands.  "Because if this is how it's going to be from now on, I might explode."</p><p>"As long as you don't do it in my lab, I couldn't care less," Paul bats back.  He doesn't mind Reno really.  It's like bickering with Lizzie.  "We weren't like this before, but we are now, so get used to it."</p><p>"Were you bearable before?"</p><p>"I don't think half the crew knew we were together."</p><p>"Now, isn't that healthy?"</p><p>"Things were different under Lorca," Paul begins, then shakes his head.  It's true, but not entirely honest.  "I wasn't... the greatest partner in the world."</p><p>"I could've guessed that."</p><p>"I wasn't terrible," he adds defensively, "just busy.  Not around enough.  You get a second chance, you fix those things."</p><p>"I can imagine," Reno says, and for a moment she's not the sharp, acerbic woman he's worked with all this time, but someone else entirely, someone much softer.  <em>A widow</em>, Paul's mind fills in.  If the roles were reversed - if Hugh were still gone and Reno's wife had been brought back - he'd probably feel pretty dark about it.</p><p>"Sorry," he says, "I'm sure you don't want to talk about this."</p><p>"I'm not fragile.  And I like <em>him</em>.  It's good he's got someone stepping up for him."</p><p>Paul shrugs, trying to shake off the buried uncertainty trying to rise in him again.  "I'm just lucky he lets me."</p><p>"What's <em>that</em> supposed to mean?"</p><p>God, he didn't want to get into this.  But maybe it's not the worst thing in the world.  Paul's got friends on this ship now, but they're his <em>and Hugh's</em> friends - wonderful until he needs someone to listen to <em>him</em>.  "Sometimes I wonder if he'd have been better off staying behind without me."</p><p>"Doesn't he have anything to say about that?"</p><p>"He <em>says</em> I was right to respect his space.  That it helped him recover and come back when he could.  But I don't know.  I feel like I gave up on him."</p><p>Reno gives him a thoughtful look.  "You didn't, though, did you?  Maybe you gave up on your old relationship.  I don't think anyone could say you gave up on Hugh, least of all the man himself."</p><p>It's true that Hugh would never even think that.  "You're not wrong," he admits.  "And things are so much better now.  I know they're better for <em>him</em>."</p><p>"You're working harder."</p><p>"The thing about Hugh," Paul says, feeling himself get fired up, just the way he does when he introduces someone interested to the magical world of fungi.  "The thing about Hugh is, he's a giver.  It's in his bones.  He's never been one to think of himself if he can help it.  When we were first dating, he was always on starships and I was planetside, so I didn't see how exhausting it was for him.  And when we came to Discovery together... I let my work take over my life.  I wasn't really there to see.  Now it's different.  I make more time, but he asks for what he needs, too.  He doesn't drain himself any more."</p><p>"You make that sound like a really good thing."</p><p>"I'm proud of him," Paul says, feeling the truth of his words.  "He's brilliant.  I always knew he was brilliant, but I didn't realise how much genius was buried under that surface.  You know, he's the one keeping this crew mentally stable.  He's the one pushing for everyone to get the support they need.  He's the one who keeps <em>me</em> going.  And when he needs something, I get to be the one to help."  He grins, unable to stop himself, not really wanting even to try.  "I'm very lucky, you know."</p><p>Reno smiles.  "Yeah, you are, kid."</p><p>"Yeah."  A faint smile plays on his lips as he dissolves back into thought.  "I am."</p><p>He turns back to his work, but his mind is miles away, and it's a relief when the next interruption comes.  It's Hugh, calling him through the comm, just like he promised.  Paul smiles as he answers.  "Hi.  How're you feeling?"</p><p>"All the better for hearing your voice.  You sound like you're in a good mood," Hugh's voice comes back, amused.</p><p>"Hmm.  Just thinking about how much I love you."  Reno mimes gagging.  Paul makes a time-honoured rude gesture in return.</p><p>"What a coincidence," Hugh says, "I was just thinking the exact same thing."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Chapter 17</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>whumpapalooza prompted:<br/>I now want to see Hugh doctor-ing Adira.  Maybe they're injured on an away mission, or working to the point of collapse, or binding unsafely, or whatever.  Just some adorable parental concern!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <hr class="tmblr-truncated"/><p>"Hugh."</p><p>Hugh glances up from his PADD to see Paul, looking a little abashed, hovering in the sickbay doorframe, Adira hanging off him with one arm around his shoulders and one of his around their back.</p><p>A quick glance assures him it's nothing serious, but Adira looks a little freaked out, so he puts on his best casually-disapproving face.</p><p>"What did you do?"</p><p>"It wasn't my fault," Paul protests, manhandling Adira in as Hugh waves them towards an empty biobed.</p><p>"Hmm."  He allows a twinkle in his eye as he turns to Adira.  "Is that true?"</p><p>"Technically?"</p><p>"Et tu, Bruté?"</p><p>Adira blinks.  "What the hell does that mean?"</p><p>Paul smirks at Hugh.  "Kids these days.  It was only three thousand years ago."</p><p>"You're funny," Hugh says dryly.  This bit is kind of dumb, but it's successfully stopped Adira from panicking, so he considers their job done.  "Adira, what happened, please?"</p><p>"I only sprained my ankle, I think.  I was climbing down from a Jeffries tube and I lost my footing."</p><p>They've stuck their leg out obligingly on the bed, and Hugh gets to work removing the boot.</p><p>"They fell five feet," Paul says, "and landed on it funny."</p><p>"It can't have been more than four feet."</p><p>"Five," Paul says.</p><p>"Well, it's a bad sprain," Hugh says.  "You've completely torn a ligament, this must be painful."</p><p>Adira shrugs.  "A little."</p><p>"A <em>lot</em>," Paul corrects them.  "You can't put your weight on it."</p><p>"Can you leave, please?"</p><p>"Hey, I'm just here to help."</p><p>Paul's obviously ready to put up a fight, but even if Hugh thought he was right to argue - and he's not convinced that he is - this is, at the end of the day, a patient's right.</p><p>"Paul," Hugh says, allowing a little smile into his words, "go back to work.  I'll send Adira your way when we're done."</p><p>Paul huffs out a "<em>fine</em>," knowing better than to argue, but he hovers a moment longer.  "Lunch later?"</p><p>"I'm going at three," Hugh offers.  He knows that Paul takes his breaks these days without having to be hassled, but he still likes to go with him when he can.</p><p>"Three it is.  See you later."  There's no kiss, no touches, not when they're so on display, but the quick exchange of soft smiles says it all the same.  Hugh watches him go - too professional to outright stare at Paul's ass, though he's going to be thinking about that all day - and turns back to Adira.</p><p>"This shouldn't take long to fix," he promises.  "But it'll be tender for a couple of days.  No climbing in Jeffries tubes, okay?"</p><p>Adira frowns at him.  "I guess."</p><p>Hugh points a knitter at the offending ankle, getting to work.  "You know, you didn't have to kick Paul out.  I know he's being a pain, but..."</p><p>"Do we have to talk about this?"</p><p>Adira's almost family, but Hugh backs off, well aware that he could set things back if they overstep.  "What would you prefer to talk about?"</p><p>They shrug.  And that doesn't seem like the person Hugh's come to know; they might behave this way with a stranger, but with him?</p><p>"Adira," he probes gently, "is something bothering you?"</p><p>"What?  No.  No one's bothering me."</p><p>No one, but he didn't ask if a person was bothering them.  Adira blushes and looks away, realising their error.</p><p>"Okay, now I <em>know</em> you're lying.  Come on.  I might be able to help."</p><p>Finally Adira looks at him, as if sizing him up.  "Does doctor-patient confidentiality apply here?"</p><p>"As long as you're not in any danger," he promises, then, uneasiness flooding him, "I'm on your side, okay?"</p><p>"I know."  They're quiet for a second.  "What I mean is - you won't tell Paul, will you?"</p><p>"Not unless I have to."  He sits down on the bed beside them, sensing that family is needed here, not a doctor.  "But I promise to tell you if I think I must."</p><p>Adira seems to weigh this in their mind.  They take a little time over it, and Hugh nudges their elbow gently.</p><p>"You're starting to worry me, kid.  You know Paul and I are in your corner, right?"</p><p>"I suppose."  Adira finally decides, sits up straight - winces at the impact on their ankle, although the ligament's mended.  "There's just a few people down there who kind of think I'm crazy.  For seeing Gray.  Talking to him.  You know."</p><p>"Oh."  Really?  After everything else this ship has seen, this is what crosses the line?  "Is Gray here now?"</p><p>Adira shakes their head.  "I... may have told him to leave me alone," they admit quietly.  "I'm horrible."</p><p>"You're not horrible, you're just sixteen," Hugh tells them.  "But you shouldn't have to deal with this.  Who's been hassling you?"</p><p>They make a face.  "Do I have to tell you?"</p><p>"Not if you don't want to," Hugh says.  "But I'm here to help, however I can, okay?  What do you need?  Advice?"</p><p>"Advice would be good."</p><p>"Okay.  Then you mind telling me a little more about this?"</p><p>It seems Adira's finally decided to trust him with this, because their reservations are gone now, and they're leaning forward eagerly in their rush to tell him everything.  "It's just - there's a couple of ensigns in Engineering who've always been a bit off with me, I think because I'm good at my job, but since we got back from Trill they've been... worse.  Just making a lot of comments.  It's not that I can't deal with it, but... I guess I let it get to me."</p><p>Hugh thinks he has a pretty good idea which ensigns might be bothering Adira, but he doesn't say so, instead just waiting.  There's more to come, he can feel it.</p><p>"And today Ma- one of them was working in the same tube I was in, and I think he thought it'd be funny to push me."</p><p>So that's how Adira, usually cautious, managed to injure themself so badly.  Hugh takes a moment; he doesn't intend that Adira should see his anger.  Especially when they've just confirmed his suspicions.</p><p>"And nobody saw this?" he asks when he's composed himself.</p><p>"No," Adira mumbles, "I think they know how to avoid being spotted.  It's just 'cause we were in the tube."</p><p>"I see."</p><p>"I don't know what to do about this.  I want them to stop, but..."</p><p>They don't pick up again after trailing off.  Hugh smiles at them, communicating all the security he can.  "Okay.  Well, this is a discipline issue, and the best way to deal with that is by going to the troublemaker's superior officer.  Do you think you can do that?  I'll come with you if you like."</p><p>Adira shakes their head violently.  Of course, Matthews and Pagarr report directly to Paul.</p><p>"Or would you like me to report it?  You don't have to be involved."</p><p>"No.  No, I just - maybe if they saw that other people believe me?"</p><p>"Okay.  Well, I can help you with that, because <em>of course</em> I believe you.  And I won't say anything, but I think maybe you should tell Paul."</p><p>"Maybe."  A moment passes, and Adira's eyes snap away from him, to the foot of the bed.  They're silent, listening; Hugh pats their leg and gets up, ready to file his paperwork.</p><p>"I'm sorry," Adira's voice floats over to him a moment later, and he glances in their direction.  They're still focused on the other end of the bed, a little tearful, but smiling.</p><p>Twenty minutes later, Hugh walks Adira down to engineering, talking cheerfully as they walk together.  Paul looks up as soon as he hears their voices, but stays where he is, unsure eyes on them.  Hugh nods at him, trying his best to convey <em>everything's fine</em> and <em>follow my lead</em> at the same time.</p><p>Adira crosses the room to Paul right away, though, without any prompting, giving him an awkward but sincere smile and barely limping.  "Sorry for being an ass," they say.</p><p>"You're not an ass."</p><p>Hugh spots Matthews working in the corner.  He's not facing them, but couldn't be more obviously listening.  Good.</p><p>"Gray says I was an ass," Adira says, only a little abashed.  "He's usually right about these things."</p><p>"Well - where is he?"</p><p>Adira points, and Paul follows the gesture with his eyes.</p><p>"Hey, Gray," Paul says, "I know you're usually right, but I'm <em>always</em> right, and I say Adira's not an ass."</p><p>Adira laughs, and the look in their eyes as they face the open room indicates Gray might be laughing, too.</p><p>This is his cue.  Hugh strolls into the room fully, smiling when Paul's grin lands on him.  "No more climbing in tubes for Adira today," he says, mock stern.  </p><p>Paul gives him the sloppiest salute he's ever seen.  "Yes, Doctor," he grouses affectionately.</p><p>"Thank you.  See you at lunch.  And bring Adira and Gray with you."  He turns to the space where Gray must be.  "I want to hear more about your tournament idea.  It sounds like fun.  As for <em>you</em>," he looks to Adira, "listen to that boy.  He knows what he's talking about."</p><p>Adira's grinning widely at him.  They almost look like they want to hug him, and they don't, but there's an open trust there that gives Hugh a really good feeling.  "I will.  Thank you for fixing me."</p><p>"Any time."  He ruffles their hair a little, flashes one last smile at Paul, and turns one last glance on Matthews.  His face is red, his eyes cast down.  Paul follows Hugh's gaze, then meets his eyes questioningly.  Hugh shakes his head, but he knows Paul's got the message.  Somehow he thinks Matthews won't have many more chances to bother Adira.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Chapter 18</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Ceruleanscarab prompted:<br/>Adira does something wrong (minor rule breaking) and Hugh and Paul have to decide how they'll deal with it as their "parents".</p><p>underage drinking cw for this one!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Adira," Paul says, his voice more disapproving than he's ever had to use with them, "are you <em>drunk</em>?"</p><p>"No," Adira says, and hiccoughs.</p><p>Paul picks up an empty bottle from the table.  It's "wine", a sugary, fruity rosé that barely deserves the term, and he frowns at Adira again.  "Hugh and I don't drink this garbage.  And I hope nobody <em>else</em> has been in here."</p><p>"Just wanted to see what it was like."</p><p>The doors to their new family quarters are sliding open again behind Paul.  Good; he'd expected Hugh to be a little while longer.  He turns and waves his partner over.  "Would you please explain to Adira the effects of alcohol on a teenage brain?"</p><p>"What?"  Hugh takes the bottle from him and frowns at Adira.  "Did you drink this entire thing?"</p><p>"It's no big deal.  I'm not - <em>hic</em> - a kid."</p><p>"Oh, yes, you are."  Hugh marches into the bathroom and returns a second later with a huge glass of water.  "Drink this.  All of it."</p><p>"Don't want-"</p><p>"I don't care.  Drink."</p><p>Adira grumbles, but finally accepts the water.</p><p>"Good.  Now go to bed.  We'll talk tomorrow."</p><p>"Don't wanna sleep," Adira whines, but Hugh takes them by the shoulders and guides them towards their bedroom.  The doors slide shut behind them, finally leaving Paul and Hugh alone.</p><p>"Well," Hugh sighs, "they were bound to lose that halo of theirs eventually."</p><p>Paul flops down on the couch.  "Is that going to do them damage?"</p><p>"They'll have one hell of a headache tomorrow, but I'm not sure they don't deserve it."  Hugh takes a seat beside him.  "Don't worry.  They'll be alright, though I'm not sure I'm above letting them see the error of their ways the hard way.  Drinking at that age, what were they thinking?"</p><p>"They're supposed to be smarter than this," Paul sighs.  "We're supposed to be able to trust them."</p><p>Hugh shakes his head, studying the bottle.  "It's not just that they were drinking.  But <em>this</em>?  It's more syrup than wine."</p><p>Both of them are laughing then, softly, so as not to disturb Adira too much.</p><p>"I wasn't much older than they are the first time I got well and truly drunk," Paul says.</p><p>He doesn't think he's told this story before, and Hugh confirms it, turning on the couch to face him, amused interest on his face.</p><p>"Lizzie had come home with a six-pack of beer she won in an ill-advised bet.  She didn't tell me until after she'd tried some and decided she didn't like it, but she was only thirteen, so I confiscated the lot.  Then I drank it."  He laughs, thinking back to the unimpressed look on Lizzie's face as she stood over him, hands on her hips, watching him throw up in the bathroom.  "I put her off drinking for a few years after that.  She didn't have a lot of fun cleaning up after me, but it was just as well.  Mom and Dad never found out."</p><p>"I was younger."  Hugh's smiling at some fond memory.  "I used to have a little wine with dinner every now and then, my mom didn't really mind as long as I was sensible.  But one time when I was about fifteen I went hiking with my cousin and a couple of his buddies, and they'd brought some rum with them.  Alex tried to stop me drinking, but he didn't really have a leg to stand on.  I felt pretty horrible the next day, but I brought it on myself."</p><p>Paul sighs.  "You think we should let them ride out the hangover and leave it at that?"</p><p>"I think a first hangover's punishment enough, don't you?"</p><p>"It's a little cruel, isn't it?"</p><p>Hugh lets out a laugh and squeezes his arm.  "You're such a softie.  I <em>could</em> make up a cure, but I don't want them thinking they can get away with this.  We can't have them picking up any bad habits."</p><p>"You're right.  As usual."  Paul smiles, sinking into Hugh's side.  "I'm lucky to have you.  I'd be a terrible bad cop parent."</p><p>"Ah," Hugh says, a laugh in his voice, "I knew there was a secret reason you were keeping me around."</p><p>It's a joke, and Hugh clearly doesn't mean anything by it, but for a moment it strikes a little close to home.  Paul covers his flash of insecurity by tackling Hugh with a kiss.  "There are other reasons too."</p><p>"Glad to hear it," Hugh says against his lips.</p><hr/><p>The next morning, they're both up bright and early.  Paul sings cheerfully in the rarely-used kitchenette as he makes breakfast - huevos rancheros, because he <em>is</em> a little bit of a softie, and Hugh certainly isn’t giving Adira any sympathy.</p><p>Behind him, Adira's bedroom door slides open.  He grins to himself.  He's not <em>that</em> sympathetic.</p><p>"Morning, Adira!" Hugh calls out, at least twice his normal volume.  "Rise and shine!  Computer, lights, please."</p><p>"I <em>hate</em> you," Adira declares loudly.  Hugh laughs, backing out of the bedroom.  "Come and get breakfast, you've got work to do."</p><p>Paul's giving them the morning off, just this once, but they don't need to know that just yet.  He lifts his voice, and Hugh joins in, singing along to some classic rock song while the coffee brews.</p><p>Adira emerges a few minutes later, just as Paul's dishing up.  Their hair's a disaster, they're still squinting through bloodshot eyes in the brighter-than-strictly-necessary lighting, and their blanket is wrapped around them like a cloak.  Paul laughs at the disgruntled look on their face, and they glare at him.</p><p>"Is this what happens <em>every time</em> you drink?"</p><p>Paul and Hugh exchange looks.</p><p>"Yes," they say in perfect unison.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Chapter 19</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>bookwormnerdposts-blog on tumblr prompted:<br/>can we get one where Adira overworks themselves and faints and then Paul is like wtf was I really like this and Hugh finds the whole thing hilarious once he knows they’re okay cos he had to deal with Paul being like this and Paul being worried over it is really funny</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Paul bursts through the sickbay doors, breathless, red-faced, heart pounding.  From the biobed, Adira looks up at him, shamefaced.</p><p>"What happened?  Are you okay?"</p><p>"I'm fine," Adira insists.  "I'm ready to get back to work."</p><p>"Absolutely <em>not</em>," Pollard insists.  "Forty-eight hours medical stand down for you.  Stamets, you are not to let them within a mile of Engineering, understood?"</p><p>"Yeah, of course, understood," Paul lets out in a rush.  "But I don't - what happened?"</p><p>"I just passed out.  It's no big deal."</p><p>"Passing out <em>is</em> a big deal," Pollard puts in.  "What time did you say you started work this morning?"</p><p>"Seven," Adira answers.</p><p>Paul stares.  "That's fourteen hours!  When did you last take a break?"</p><p>Adira looks down.</p><p>"No breaks," Pollard explains.  "No food.  Just work."</p><p>"Adira, what were you <em>thinking</em>?"</p><p>"Gray needs a body," Adira snaps, "he's gone without for too long, and now we know it's possible, we need to make it happen.  I can't rest till we get there."</p><p>Ah.  Paul glances up at Pollard.  "I promise to make sure they don't work tomorrow and that they get plenty of food.  Can they go home?"</p><p>Pollard fixes them both with a look.  "Straight to bed.  I'm not above having Culber spy for me."</p><p>Paul smiles.  "He went on shift at five this morning; he's gone to sleep already.  You know, it's what <em>sensible</em> people do," he adds, prodding Adira's shoulder.  "Come on.  Let's go home."</p><p>Adira trails after him as they exit sickbay, but pauses when Paul takes a turn towards their family quarters.  "Okay, good, she bought it, now I'm going back to work," they say, and Paul grabs their arm.</p><p>"Stop it.  That's not funny."</p><p>"Well, I wasn't joking."</p><p>"Adira, you need to rest.  This problem isn't going anywhere."</p><p>"But-"</p><p>"<em>No</em>."  He does have one tool in his favour; he's their boss, technically.  Paul brings up his PADD from his badge, and with a few keys, Adira's access to Engineering is revoked.  "You ate in sickbay?"</p><p>"Yes," they huff.  "Doctor Pollard made me."</p><p>"Then we're going home.  I mean it.  If you pull this again I'll lock you out for a week, Adira, don't think I won't."</p><p>They stare at him as if he'd slapped them, wide-eyed and a little hurt.  Maybe he was too harsh?  But no, of course not, Adira is just a kid, and they really can't be risking their health like this.  Still, he offers an olive branch.</p><p>"Hugh and I have tomorrow off.  We'll look over what you've done so far and see if we can make any suggestions, but you are going to follow the doctor's orders."  He touches their shoulder, gentle but insistent.  "I promise it'll make the breakthroughs come all the quicker."</p><p>Adira frowns at him, but the fight is over; they really are exhausted.  Paul gives them a sympathetic squeeze before leading the way home, allowing no detours or distractions.  He sees to it that Adira at least enters their bedroom, hovering in the doorway just for a moment, and then finally, exhausted himself, crawls into bed.  Hugh stirs under the peck on his cheek.  He doesn't wake, but grabs onto the arm Paul slips around his waist, and sleep comes a few short minutes later.</p><p>It feels like the blink of an eye, but Paul wakes to an empty bed and the smell of coffee drifting through the room.</p><p>"Computer, lights," he mumbles, rubbing his eyes.  "What time is it?"</p><p>"Six-forty."</p><p>Early, but not horribly early, even for a day off.  Paul drags himself out of bed, drifts into the living room.  Hugh's preparing real coffee, and he glances over his shoulder to smile at Paul as he enters.  "Morning, babe.  Want some?"</p><p>"Please."  Paul gets close enough to kiss him over his shoulder.  "You sleep okay?"</p><p>Hugh hums an affirmative.  "I'm well rested and ready for whatever kind of activity we can find to occupy ourselves for the day."</p><p>Paul smiles at the hint of suggestion in his tone.  "Looking forward to it.  But I did promise Adira we'd look over their research into a new body for Gray."</p><p>"Oh, of course, we can make time for that."  Hugh hands Paul his mug and they head for the couch together.  "Do they have a lot so far?"</p><p>"They worked fourteen hours straight yesterday."</p><p>"They <em>what</em>?"</p><p>"And passed out at their desk."</p><p>"Are they..."</p><p>"They're sleeping it off, I hope.  Pollard said they'll be fine, but they were pretty pissed not to be allowed back to work."</p><p>"You're sure they'll be okay?"</p><p>"Prescription was just sleep and proper meals."</p><p>Hugh nods, but he's pulling up Adira's medical files too, skimming over Doctor Pollard's report before he's entirely satisfied.  "You revoked their access to Engineering?"</p><p>"I'm not having them work themself sick.  They are fine, but they gave me a scare.  I want to make sure they take care of themself."</p><p>Hugh smiles.  "You've changed."</p><p>"Changed?"</p><p>"Come on," Hugh prods further, his eyes twinkling, "don't pretend you don't know exactly what I'm talking about."</p><p>Damn it, he's blushing.  "I was never <em>that</em> bad."</p><p>"Oh no?"</p><p>"No!"  But... "Was I?"</p><p>Hugh laughs now, and once he's going he doesn't seem to stop.  "Much worse, babe, yes."</p><p>Well, at least Hugh thinks it's funny.  Paul frowns at him, but that just makes Hugh laugh all the harder.</p><p>"Morning," a mumble comes from behind them, and they both look up to see Adira emerging from their bedroom.</p><p>"Hey," Paul smiles, immediately softening.  "I'm sorry.  Did we wake you?"</p><p>"No.  Is there any coffee left?"</p><p>"Help yourself," Hugh says, "just make sure you eat something too, alright?"</p><p>"Yeah."  A brief pause, and Adira glares at the space just in front of the wall which must be Gray.  "I know.  I'm going to."</p><p>"Going to what?" Paul asks, half-rising.</p><p>Adira sighs.  "To apologise.  I'm sorry for freaking you out."</p><p>"Be sorry for overworking yourself,' Hugh tells them gently.  "And don't do it again.  You won't help anyone if you make yourself sick."</p><p>Adira nods, "I promise," and makes their way to the stove.</p><p>"What are you doing today?" Paul asks, then, smiling, "think carefully before you answer."</p><p>Adira smiles back.  "Linus promised to teach Gray and me the basics of three-dimensional chess.  And I haven't practiced my cello in a couple of weeks."</p><p>"Maybe I'll come by later.  I haven't touched the piano in weeks, either."  Paul jumps suddenly at a pinch in his side and stares at Hugh, mock-wounded.</p><p>"Maybe not," Hugh says lightly, "we have our own plans today."  </p><p>Paul thinks about protesting, <em>that won't take all day</em>, but he knows that look in Hugh's eyes.  He'll say <em>think again</em> in that tone that always makes Paul shiver, and that's no bad thing, but Adira is, after all, right there.</p><p>"That's right," he says instead, his voice half an octave above where it should be.  "Tomorrow?"</p><p>"Sure," Adira says, a little bemused, but smart enough not to probe further.  They down the remainder of their coffee in one huge gulp and run their fingers through their hair to tidy it a little.  "Well, I'm having breakfast with Tilly and Detmer.  See you tonight?"</p><p>"Have fun," Hugh calls after them as they hurry through the door.  As it slides shut, he turns back to Paul, a glimmer of a smile on his face, but eyes dark and keen.  "Now.  About those plans of ours..."</p><p>Paul sets his coffee aside.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Chapter 20</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>anon on tumblr prompted: <br/>Paul having a nightmare</p><p> </p><p>The way you people like to hurt that poor man...  ;)</p><p>When I get H/C prompts like this I try to come up with new things to do, because it would be so easy to just tell the same story over and over.  So here's a slightly angsty, soft Paul and Hugh on their first night together in the future.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"No... no, please..."</p><p>Hugh blinks awake, suddenly aware of the writhing, sweaty body by his side.  A moment passes before he remembers, <em>Paul, I'm home, I have him back</em>, and another moment of letting that sink in before -</p><p>"No!"</p><p>
  <em>He needs me.</em>
</p><p>Hugh presses a hand on Paul's shoulder and gently shakes.  "Paul.  Hey, it's me.  Wake up, Paul."</p><p>He ducks just in time as an arm flies out towards his head.</p><p>"Paul!"</p><p>Now he shakes harder.  Paul finally stills, then opens his eyes, and flinches away from Hugh's grasp.</p><p>"Hey.  It's okay, Paul, it's just me, remember?"</p><p>It takes a second, but finally Paul relaxes.  "Hugh, I... I forgot you'd be here."</p><p>"It's okay."  He lets a hand drift to Paul's hair, stroking; there's no better way to soothe his partner.  "We've both got to get used to this again, hm?"</p><p>"I guess we do."  Paul leans into Hugh's hand, signalling that the touch is welcome, but his voice is broken and when he meets Hugh's gaze his eyes are filled with tears.  "I'm sorry.  Did I wake you?"</p><p>"It sounded like you were having quite the nightmare."</p><p>Now Paul looks away.  "You don't have to deal with that."</p><p>"I think I do."</p><p>"Hugh, this is... this is day one for us.  We need to learn each other again."</p><p>Hugh knows that waver in his voice, knows the way he sets his jaw, knows that chilly look in his eyes; Paul is putting all his effort into trying not to cry.  It's a look he's seen a dozen times since he came back to life, and how did he miss it all that time?  But the answer's right there; he chose to miss it, he ignored it.  Maybe he had to, but all the same, if he wants Paul - and he <em>does</em>, he wants Paul with everything he is - he can't allow them to drift apart.</p><p>"I don't need to learn you.  I <em>know</em> you," he says.  He clasps Paul's hand in his, presses a brief kiss to the knuckles.  "I know you by heart.  Now you're mine again, I'm not letting you go.  And I'm <em>not</em> letting you hurt.  Okay?"</p><p>Paul allows a tear to slip through.  "I love you so much, Hugh."</p><p>"I love you too, sweetheart, I love you," and Hugh is tearful now, too.  When was the last time he cried?  Has this body ever cried before?  He wipes away Paul's tear and his own, kisses his cheekbone tenderly.  "Tell me, okay?"</p><p>"It was just... the network," Paul admits, and he's not quite looking at Hugh now.  "I'm sorry, I don't want to make that day about me."</p><p>"That was a rough day for you, too," Hugh says carefully.  It does sting.  Just a little, but nothing's more important than rebuilding the honesty and trust between them; they agreed on that, and he's really just so glad Paul's talking to him.  He focuses back on stroking Paul's hair, a gesture that soothes him as much as it does Paul.  "We both went through a lot in there."</p><p>Paul sniffs a couple of times, lets his hand trail down Hugh's chest - that feels nice - and finally looks back up to him.  "I'm so sorry I didn't realise before.  I could have gotten you out of there sooner, if only I'd <em>thought</em>-"</p><p>"Hey."  Hugh pulls Paul against him, cradling him close.  Paul presses his face in between Hugh's pecs, inhaling, clinging to his shirt.  "Don't even think that."</p><p>"I know you, too," Paul says into his sleeve.  "We agreed on honesty, that goes both ways."</p><p>Hugh smiles sadly, pressing his face into the top of Paul's head.  "It's true I... had a lot to work through when I came home.  It was bad in there.  But I didn't live all of it."</p><p>"What does that mean?"</p><p>"I... it's hard to explain.  I was aware for some of it, but when I think back, it feels like... maybe I lived a month of it?  Not the whole time I was gone.  I remember seeing you the first time, you you and the other you.  And there were a few other Pauls who weren't real, towards the end, I was... not in my right mind.  But most of all I remember how safe I felt when you found me."</p><p>There's a long inhale, uncertainty, before Paul speaks again.  "Will you tell me the truth about something?"</p><p>Hugh withdraws enough to see his face.  "I promise to tell you the truth about anything.  Everything."</p><p>Paul nods, accepting.  "Then... have you ever wished I'd let you go that day?  That I hadn't found you, hadn't sent you to the network, and hadn't... hadn't brought you back?"</p><p>The lie springs to Hugh's lips, but he won't.  He <em>won't.</em>  "Yes," he says, "I have.  But I don't any more.  Okay?  When I came back I was so angry and lost, but I never wanted our story to end like that.  I wanted to live, we had all those plans for our future and I wanted every minute.  I still want them.  I have a lot to give, and now I get to keep giving it.  And I get my second chance with you.  We're going to grow old together, Paul.  We're going to retire together, you and me, whatever happens - we've got our future back.  I'm so grateful you saved me."</p><p>Paul's eyes study him for a second, hesitant, but before Hugh can reassure him, he's moving forwards, pressing his lips to Hugh's in a sweet, tender kiss.  "I'm so grateful you came with us."</p><p>"I came with <em>you</em>," Hugh says, kissing him again, because it's been so, so long, and he's missed it so much.  "We're going to be okay."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. Chapter 21</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>anon on tumblr prompted: accidental baby acquisition</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Hey," Paul says, slipping an arm through Hugh's, "how about a hot dog?  I'm hungry."</p><p>Hugh gives him a look.  "Please don't put that in your body."</p><p>"But they taste so good!"</p><p>"Do I need to tell you again what goes into those things?"</p><p>Paul huffs, but there's no malice in it.  "You're no fun."</p><p>Hugh kisses his cheek.  "How about we find something without any meat in it?  That should be safe."</p><p>Arm in arm, they wander through the crowded market street.  It's full of mostly junk, but sometimes these flea markets turn up something exceptional, and even if not, they're a good day out.  Besides, any day off Discovery is a good day, they come along so rarely.</p><p>They chatter cheerfully as they walk, enjoying the vibrant atmosphere, and occasionally stopping to look at a stall.  Paul sees Hugh's interest in a certain set of earrings, but he decides they're too much of an extravagance.  Two stalls over, Hugh stops to argue about the authenticity of a so-called 23rd century PADD, and Paul takes the distraction as an opportunity to slip back and get the earrings.  Hugh's worked so hard lately, he deserves something for himself.</p><p>(And he looks hot in earrings.)</p><p>Hugh's still arguing when the deal is done, so Paul sidles up to him - from the other side, just in case he needs to throw him off the scent - and takes his arm again.  "Food, darling," he says gently, and Hugh relents at once, departing with one last glare at the storekeeper.</p><p>"That was little more than a piece of rock," he grouses as they walk along.  "He's ripping people off."</p><p>Paul laughs.  "High and mighty's a sexy look on you."</p><p>"I don''t know what you're talking about."  But there's a twinkle in Hugh's eye as he says it.</p><p>Paul leans in a little, prepared to whisper something a little saucier, but withdraws as something grabs onto his leg.</p><p>"Papa!"</p><p>Odd.</p><p>Paul glances down to see a tiny, pale clinger-on.  A human child, no more than three years old, and tear-stained.  He shoots Hugh a quick look and bends down to lift the child.  "Hi," he says cautiously.  "Have you lost your papa?"</p><p>The kid looks in Paul's face and tears up again, nodding.</p><p>"We'll help you find him, okay?  Can you tell us your name?"</p><p>"Sell."</p><p>"Hi, Sell.  My name's Paul.  This is Hugh."</p><p>Hugh tucks in close, sliding an arm around Paul's lower back as he gives Sell his best reassuring smile.  "Where were you when you lost your papa?"</p><p>"Hot dogs."</p><p>"Okay," Hugh says, "we'll start there."</p><p>They retrace their steps.  As they pass a stand full of uniquely ugly mirrors, Paul catches a glimpse of the three of them together: Hugh's arm still wound around his back, Sell in his arms, head rested on his shoulder.  Something twinges inside him.  They look like a family.</p><p>In the mirror, he catches Hugh's eye.  One glance is enough for understanding to pass between them.  Hugh's thinking the exact same thing - he confirms it in the way he squeezes Paul's side just that little bit harder.  This is an old dream, one that hasn't come up for some time, but maybe, if he and Hugh really are on the same page...</p><p>Sell's growing restless in Paul's arms, but he daren't let go.  "Hey," he says instead, "you okay?"</p><p>"Papa," they insist, tearful again.</p><p>"Is he here?" Hugh prompts, soft, and strokes back a lock of Sell's soft white hair.</p><p>"No... want <em>Papa</em>."</p><p>"We know," Hugh soothes, "we know, honey, we'll find him."</p><p>But what if they don't?  Paul looks at Hugh for a second, sees him thinking the same thing.  They might want to talk about this, but talk is one thing.  Sell's a person, in need of parents, of constant support, and the two of them can't be that right now.  Sell is already a little attached, nobody else on Discovery would do.  It would be... more than either of them wants to commit to.  They still have stuff of their own to work out.</p><p>"Sell!"</p><p>Hugh's first to turn at the panicked-sounding voice, but Paul is right behind him, instinctively grasping tighter to Sell, still clinging onto his shirt.</p><p>A man runs over, wiry and paler even than Sell, reaching out.  Sell's fingers tighten in Paul's shirt.</p><p>"Hey," Paul says, shuffling to look Sell in the face.  "Is this your papa?"</p><p>Sell nods.</p><p>"Okay.  Here we go, you ready?"</p><p>"Noooo," Sell whines, gripping tighter.</p><p>"I think you might need to go home, kiddo, don't you?"  Paul tries a gentle tickle, but Sell just squirms closer still.</p><p>"Come too."</p><p>"I don't think we can do that, honey," Hugh says, then glances to Sell's papa.  He's anxious, but hesitant; Hugh gives him his best doctor smile.</p><p>"Sell, come on," the man says finally, "let the nice fellas go about their day.  We were going to get hot dogs, weren't we?"</p><p>Sell sniffs against Paul's shirt and looks up.  "Hot dogs?"</p><p>"I think somebody was hungry."</p><p>Finally Sell offers one arm.  The man shifts, awkward as Paul passes his child over to him, but Sell cuddles him at last.  He smiles, relief painting his face.</p><p>"Thank you," he says, "I don't know what I'd have done if... thank you."</p><p>"Any time," Paul says, smiling.  He reaches out one last time to tweak Sell's cheek.  "Bye, kid."</p><p>"Bye," Sell whispers back, and with one step the two of them have disappeared into the crowd.  Paul sighs despite himself, and then Hugh's arm is around him again, turning him so that they're facing, both arms wrapping around his waist.</p><p>"I'm fine," he says, leaning forward for one quick peck on Hugh's lips.  "I promise.  Are you?"</p><p>"I'm okay," Hugh says, releasing him, "but maybe we should have a talk later?"</p><p>"Yeah.  Maybe."  Paul reaches down and takes his hand, interlacing their fingers.  "Now, I believe you promised me food that’s safe to put in my body."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0022"><h2>22. Chapter 22</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>potterfan2006 prompted...</p><p>actually I'm not going to copy the prompt here bc it's quite detailed and tbh it's half the plot of this fic lol.  I've been looking forward to writing this one all week!  It's a follow up to chapter 14.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Paul wakes to a hesitant hand shaking his shoulder.  </p><p>"Paul?" a small and distant voice whispers.</p><p>He groans, swiping at the hand, but it comes back more insistent, until Paul finally rolls over and looks Hugh in the face.</p><p>He looks <em>terrible</em>, Paul thinks, all thoughts of sleep gone.  "Hey," he murmurs, reaching out, tracing a hand along Hugh's jaw, "what's going on?"</p><p>Hugh sniffs inelegantly.  "I just..." he shakes his head.  "Rough night," he finishes lamely, and Paul wishes he'd talk right now, but they have all night.  He knows Hugh will tell him when he can.  In the meantime, he needs him.</p><p>"What can I do?" he murmurs.  </p><p>"Just hold me."  Hugh's voice is wavering.  Paul pushes back until he's half-sitting, slouched with his shoulders against the headboard, and Hugh curls into him, face buried in his chest.  Paul wraps his arms around him, holds him close, rubbing soothing circles into his back.  Hugh isn't crying, but he's obviously distressed; his fingers clasp Paul's shirt, and if he pulls on the chest hair a little too much, Paul isn't saying anything.</p><p>"I'm sorry," Hugh says after a few minutes.  His voice is small and hollow, and all Paul can do is cling to him tighter, shower kisses into his hair.</p><p>"You have nothing to be sorry for.  I'm glad you woke me.  Always wake me, okay?"  He lets his fingers trail up, ghosting the surface of Hugh's hair.  "Think you can talk about it?"</p><p>Hugh shakes his head into Paul's chest.  "Later."</p><p>"Okay.  I'm here when you're ready."</p><p>Some part of the back of Paul's mind registers that this isn't going to be good for his back.  But the fact that Hugh hasn't said so already is proof of just how badly he needs this, and when Hugh needs him, nothing else matters.  </p><p>Ten minutes of solid cuddling pass before Hugh finally wriggles in his arms and pulls back a little, shifting so he can look Paul in the eyes.  Paul smiles down at him, pouring every inch of love he can into the look.</p><p>"How're you doing?" he asks, pressing a quick kiss to Hugh's forehead before pulling back to look at him again.</p><p>"I love you," Hugh says in answer.  "Thank you for being here with me."</p><p>"Always."</p><p>Hugh's shuffling again; he twists until he's sitting up properly.  "You're going to hurt your back like that," he murmurs.  "Sit up."</p><p>Paul laughs.</p><p>"What?"</p><p>"Nothing."  He wriggles to sit up properly, and as he does, Hugh's arm slips around his back against the headboard.  He snuggles back in, reciprocating by slinging his hand over Hugh's ribs, pressing against him.  Hugh values touch, he knows that, and right now it's one way he can offer comfort without pressing.</p><p>Hugh rests his head on Paul's shoulder, signalling that he's ready to talk.  Paul turns his head slightly, facing him without jostling him, and waits.</p><p>"I just can't stop thinking about my mom."</p><p>Paul lifts the hand trapped in between them, carefully; he runs it over Hugh's hair a couple of times, lets it drape over Hugh's shoulders.  </p><p>"I never went to see her, you know?"</p><p>"I know."  After Hugh's return from the network, Admiral Cornwell had offered him the opportunity to go home, take some leave, but he'd refused.  Paul had never understood why - after their split he had expected Hugh to leave Discovery behind, but it hadn't been his place to ask.</p><p>"I was scared to go.  She would have cried all over me, and it would have been too much, I'd have ended up... I hurt you so badly, and - no, don't say anything, we've talked that out as much as we can - I just knew I'd explode at her too.  I didn't want to do that."</p><p>Having been on the receiving end, Paul has to admit to himself that it's a good thing that sweet, sensitive Lydia Culber hadn't had to face it.  Still.  "You thought you'd have more time," he says softly.  "You couldn't have known we'd come here."</p><p>"I know.  At least I talked to her on comms a lot.  And I sent a message before we left... I just miss her."</p><p>"Yeah, I know."  Paul kisses Hugh's head.  None of them have really been able to process that their families lived full lives, decades, and died out one by one, in less than a fraction of the blink of an eye.  So far, he's managed to not think too much, but he knows the time's coming when it'll hit him like a ton of bricks.  And when it does, he'll have Hugh at his side.</p><p>The two of them sit up all night, snuggled together, talking.  Paul feels a surge of pleasure when he finally draws a laugh from Hugh, and though he's exhausted, it feels really good to stay awake with Hugh.  They've talked a lot, of course, since their reunion, but never like this.</p><p>"You're thinking too loud," Hugh mumbles.</p><p>Paul laughs.  "I was remembering that vacation we took.  The first one, do you remember?  We hadn't seen each other in person since Alpha Centauri, and after all those months of dating over comms-"</p><p>"We had some truly amazing nights," Hugh finishes, grinning at him.  "And days.  I remember."</p><p>"Right, but I - after we'd worn ourselves out, we didn't go right to sleep.  We just sat up talking for hours.  I couldn't get enough of being with you."</p><p>It's true, and it's truer now.  All those months apart, all Paul has wanted was this.  He wishes they could have it without the cost of Hugh in pain, but how long has he yearned for this?  He's going to eat up every second he can get.  Hugh is a finite resource.</p><p>"Morning, Commander!"</p><p>Tilly's voice is light and cheery as Paul drags himself into Engineering.  He attempts to smile at her, but that's too much sunshine for him.  He swallows down the last mouthful of his double-strength coffee and does his best not to snap at her.</p><p>"Is everything alright?  You look awful."</p><p>He left Hugh fast asleep this morning.  Hugh's on a later shift, he can sleep; he's under strict instructions to comm if he needs Paul, too - but that doesn't seem likely now that they've talked.  All Paul needs to do is get himself through today and crash.  He's worked through longer bouts of sleeplessness, why does this one feel worse?</p><p>"I'm fine," he grinds out, "let's get this day over with."</p><p>But it's not as simple as that.  Paul's the one who implemented the no-coffee-in-Engineering rule, but once Tilly's been called to the bridge, nobody else is brave enough to argue with him, and they're probably all hoping it'll take his edge off.  No such luck; Matthews jostles him in passing and sends the coffee flying.  Paul swears, yells at him probably longer than necessary, and bellows for someone to fix it.</p><p>"Aren't you all sunshine and rainbows today."</p><p>"Oh, God, not you."  But it's no good, Jett is the best person to get his equipment up and running again.  </p><p>"Who pissed in your oatmeal this morning?"</p><p>He doesn't dignify that with a response more than a glare.  "Fix it, please, I have work to do."</p><p>"Calm yourself, boo-boo, it's not going anywhere."</p><p>"You know what, Reno-"</p><p>She stares at him.  "What's wrong with you today?  Didn't have your coffee?"</p><p>"He's had three since he got here," Matthews says helpfully.  Under Paul's glare he shrinks a little.</p><p>"Are you ill?"</p><p>"I'm <em>fine</em>," he growls.</p><p>"You're no help to anyone in this mood."</p><p>"It's lovely to spend time with you, too."</p><p>"Okay, cut the crap, please?  You should take the rest of this shift off."</p><p>"I have work to do."</p><p>"Actually, sir-" Matthews pipes up, but Paul's glower silences him.</p><p>"Anyway, I don't care.  There's nothing that can't wait till tomorrow.  You look like you need to sleep."</p><p>"Who are you to tell me what to do?"</p><p>"Do I need to call Culber?"</p><p>"Don't bother him, he's sleeping."</p><p>A flicker of amusement appears in Jett's eyes.  "Late night?"</p><p>"Stop it."  Damn it, the room's full of ensigns who answer to him, he can't have her undermine him.  </p><p>Thankfully, Reno relents.  "Alright.  But you should go home.  I'll make sure these toddlers you hired don't cause any trouble."</p><p>"Fine.  Comm if I'm needed, I mean it.�"</p><p>"Go <em>home</em>, Stamets."</p><p>"I'm going."</p><p>He hears a titter behind him and is about to whirl back, but Reno's beaten him to it.  "What are you looking at, Matthews?  I didn't dismiss you."</p><p>Paul drifts into their quarters and finds the bed empty.</p><p>It's still two more hours till Hugh's shift; Paul had hoped he would sleep longer, but they're a pair for this kind of behaviour, really.  And Hugh has left their quarters in a horrible mess, how many thousands of times does Paul have to ask him not to?  The bed's unmade, his pyjamas are lying in the middle of the floor where he must have stripped, and there's a dirty coffee mug on <em>Paul's</em> nightstand.  Hugh must have crawled onto his side after he left.  Seeking the comfort of his smell, hurting in his absence, the way Paul did so many times -</p><p>Before he knows it he's fallen onto the couch.  His breath comes in aggressive, shallow pants; his vision blurs; his ears ring.  He can't -- he <em>can't</em>-</p><p>"Paul."</p><p>Strong arms gather him up.  He's cradled against a firm, stable chest.  Fingers thread through his hair, soothing him.</p><p>"Hey," Hugh's voice says, "you're safe.  I'm right here.  Just let it out."</p><p>It's all the permission he needs to hide his face between Hugh's pecs and sob.</p><p>Hugh's body shelters him, Hugh's voice soothes him, Hugh's hands guide him, and for five minutes Paul just lets it all fall out.  </p><p>Finally he stills, sniffing, drying his eyes.  He's left a stain on Hugh's rattiest DISCO shirt.</p><p>"Oh, baby," Hugh murmurs, looking in his eyes, "you're exhausted."</p><p>"'M okay," he mumbles, but it's not his most convincing work.</p><p>"You were awake all night," Hugh counters gently.  "Come on.  Let's get you back into bed."  He strips Paul down to his boxers efficiently, ushering him towards the bed.</p><p>"I won't sleep," he admits.  "Too amped up."</p><p>Hugh kisses his forehead and presses him into bed anyway.  "I can help.  I have time."  He draws away for a second, ignoring the moan of protest that slips out of Paul.  A minute later he reappears, something in his arms.  "I, uh... I was going to ask you about this sometime.  I found it hidden in the back of the wardrobe..."</p><p>Oh.  Paul reaches for Hugh, making space so he can tuck in beside him on the bed.</p><p>"Is it the same one?  From when you..."</p><p>"Yeah."  Paul ducks his face, but he won't fully hide.  Hugh kept his promise to ask for help when he needed it; so will Paul.  "After we got back to Earth and everything sank in, I... hit a bad spot.  I stayed with Lizzie for a few days after the funeral."  He's a little proud not to choke on that word.  "I guess she'd kept hold of it, she dug it out for me."</p><p>"Did it help?"</p><p>Paul shrugs.  "It wasn't you.  But... yeah, I guess, it was kind of comforting."</p><p>Hugh smiles at him, leans forward, spreads the blanket over both of them.  The weight presses Paul into the bed, shrouding him.  It does feel better - and better still for having Hugh right there.  He curls into Hugh's arms, half on top of him.  "How long can you stay?"</p><p>"I have another hour before my shift.  But I can switch with someone if you need me."</p><p>Paul shakes his head.  "I'm okay now.  But thank you."</p><p>"Want to tell me what happened?"</p><p>He burrows his head further against Hugh's shoulder, breathing in his scent.  "I just overdid it.  Should have pushed my shift back and slept, that's all.  Another time I will.  Promise."</p><p>"I shouldn't have kept you up talking so long," Hugh says softly.  Paul twists in his arms.</p><p>"Don't say that.  I want you to wake me up, wouldn't you say the same if it were the other way round?"</p><p>"Hey, shh, I would.  I would," Hugh repeats soothingly.  "I'm not sorry for that.  You helped me, you made me feel safe, I'm glad I woke you.  But I could have gone back to sleep after an hour or so.  Another time I'll tell you when I think I can.  It doesn't help either of us to be drained the next day."</p><p>"I suppose."  Paul's eyes drift shut.  "I wanted to talk, though.  We haven't talked like that in so long."  He's vaguely aware of his words slurring, but it doesn't matter.  Hugh has him.  He's talking now, but the words aren't clear, just the rhythm and tone of a quiet, murmured speech.  Paul smiles, breathes in his scent, absorbs the comfort of loving arms around him, and finally succumbs to sleep.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0023"><h2>23. Chapter 23</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>bitch-we-have-a-hulk on tumblr prompted:<br/>Heeeey, here I am asking for some angst with a nice ending 🥺🤭 Paul is always talking back and trying to make Lorca understand that he needs time to make the spore drive work but this time he answers too ironically and receives a broken nose from Lorca. I'll let to you the rest and Hugh's reaction 😌😏</p><p> </p><p>This one was tricky because Lorca's entire plan hinges on everyone believing he's a good guy in a bad position, and he's pretty good at playing it.  I do love a challenge!  And all appreciation to the discord crew for helping me crack this!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Paul Stamets has a pretty good sense of self-preservation.  He's not a fighter, he's not sly, but he's made it where he is by keeping himself invaluable.</p><p>What he's saying is, he really ought to know better than to talk back to Lorca.  But if the captain would just <em>listen</em> he'd understand how more time and better resources would lead to results.</p><p>But the captain isn't a patient man, and these military heavy types are used to getting their way with bullying.</p><p>"You can't <em>beat</em> science into submission," Paul spits out.</p><p>The back of Lorca's open hand connects with his nose, and Paul registers an almighty crack echoing around his head.  He stumbles backwards with the force of the impact.</p><p>"What about <em>scientists</em>?" Lorca asks, towering over him.</p><p>Paul glowers, but he's beaten.  "I'll get to work."</p><p>"See that you do."  Lorca strides away as if nothing happened, ignoring the blood that still lingers on his knuckles.</p><p>Paul knows better than to show his face in the medical facilities over something like this, but while a scar might make some of his shipmates look tough, for him, it smarts of weakness.</p><p>"Computer, private transport to personal quarters J 36.2.  No need to keep a record."</p><p>A second later he materialises in his pristine bedroom.  There's a bone knitter in the safe, but - <em>blood first</em>, Hugh's voice echoes in his head - he goes to the bathroom, soaks a cloth in lukewarm water, carefully cleans his face.  There are a couple of twinges, but he does his best not to wince or grit his teeth.  It's good practice.</p><p>Finally, it's done; the blood cleared and the wound just starting to bruise.  This is going to be the tricky part, but Paul knows the basics.  Carefully, he lowers his face, and balancing his elbow on the shower door handle, points the knitter to his nose.</p><p>"What are you doing?"</p><p>It's the lesser of two possible accidents that he drops the knitter.  He turns around, fuming.  "Don't <em>do</em> that."</p><p>"You're going to hurt yourself."  Hugh smiles at him toothily, and squats to pick up the knitter.  His fingers trail along Paul's leg, up his hip, around his ass as he rises.  "How did you manage this?"</p><p>"Some people don't appreciate my smart mouth as much as you do."</p><p>Hugh hums, taking hold of Paul by the jaw and holding him still with one hand while he knits with the other.  "Who'd you piss off?"</p><p>"Lorca."</p><p>There's a twitch in Hugh's jaw there, but he remains still and cool.  "I can do something about that."</p><p>Paul pulls back a fraction.  "Don't."</p><p>"This is my world.  I've got authority here, and I won't have-"</p><p>"Hugh, I mean it.  Don't make me look weak."</p><p>Hugh knows he's right, but his whole body is clenched.  "I want to know if it happens again."</p><p>"I would have told you."</p><p>"Hmm.  I don't believe you.  Keep <em>still</em>."</p><p>"It itches."</p><p>"We can stop, but it'll leave a scar."</p><p>"How much longer?"  Paul keeps the whine out of his voice, but he knows Hugh sees through him.  As always.</p><p>"Nearly there."</p><p>Paul grits his teeth and waits while Hugh finishes his work.  Finally it's over, and he pulls his face free from the firm grip, heading for the door.</p><p>"I have to get back to work," he says.</p><p>"Thank you for fixing my nose, Hugh, how can I repay you?"</p><p>Paul can't stop the grin that rises to his lips as he turns back to face Hugh.  "Oh, you want something out of me?"</p><p>"You could say that."</p><p>Hugh closes the distance between them in a few short strides.  His hands grasp Paul's hips, and he keeps walking, crowding Paul against the wall.</p><p>"What do you have in mind?" Paul asks breathlessly.</p><p>Hugh's red jacket hits the floor.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0024"><h2>24. Chapter 24</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Dkdkd prompted:</p><p>Can I ask for a prompt involving Adira and Tilly? I can totally see her just dropping in when they’re all having lunch and just... talking.</p><p> </p><p>this fits so nicely with something I'd been toying with - I did consider Adira having this conversation with Paul, but honestly Tilly makes so much more sense.  Thanks!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Excuse me, Ensign Tilly?"</p><p>Tilly looks up from her dinner - a rare solo meal thanks to a middle-of-the-night shift - and smiles at Adira.  "Hi, Adira, do you want to join me?"</p><p>Adira slips into the seat opposite her, looking uneasy.  "I... I don't know who else to ask about this."</p><p>"Is everything okay?"</p><p>"Nothing's wrong, it's just..."  Adira falls silent, staring at their tray.  Tilly gives them a smile.</p><p>"Is everything alright with Gray?" she tries.</p><p>"Yeah!  Yeah, he's fine, he's getting used to his body, he's settling in.  I think he's enjoying not being around me all the time."</p><p>It doesn't seem self-deprecating from the way Adira says it.  Tilly squashes her ever-present urge to talk, waiting for more.</p><p>"It's just... well."  They blush, look away.  "We're older now.  And we've kind of been talking about... well... sex."</p><p>Suddenly Tilly's overcome with a fit of coughing.</p><p>"I'm sorry," Adira mumbles.  "I just... I really didn't want to ask Paul and Hugh."</p><p>No, Tilly can see why that would be a traumatic experience for everybody.</p><p>"Okay," she says, resigning herself to the conversation.  "What do you want to know?"</p><p>Adira's blushing even more now.  "I mean... I guess you figured this would be the first time.  For both of us.  And we have Tal to help, but it's still... a little scary?  I don't seem to be looking at it the way most people do."</p><p>"What do you mean?"</p><p>"I mean.  Gray is <em>beautiful</em>.  I love him so much and I can't imagine wanting to share this experience with anyone but him.  But what if I can't do it?"</p><p>Tilly reaches forward and touches their hand, offering a smile of support.  "How did your first date go?"</p><p>"What does that have to do with anything?"</p><p>"Just humour me."</p><p>"We pooled all our pocket change to buy a couple of hours in the holodeck, and we went hiking."</p><p>"Aww.  That's nice.  I mean, it's not for everyone, I'm terrible at hiking, but-"  Tilly's rambling again.  She stops, breathes out, and grins ruefully at Adira.  "Did you have a good time?"</p><p>Adira looks more eager now as they lean forward, enthusiastic in their story.  "We'd packed a picnic, and we went over some cliffs, down to a sunny beach.  You know holos, the sun doesn't quite feel real, but the water does.  We ate, we got sand all over the sausages, we ran in and out of the sea.  It was freezing, but it felt really good."</p><p>"And what about the two of you?  You talked a lot?"</p><p>"Yeah.  I mean, we'd been friends for a while.  We were fourteen.  Neither of us ever really fit in with anyone else, but Gray and I clicked right away.  So in a sense we'd always been together.  The date was just... making it official.  But it was really special, too.  Gray told me about his life before the ship.  It was really personal stuff.  I felt like he was trusting me with something."</p><p>"Trust is really good.  Especially for your first time.  Especially at your age."</p><p>Adira smiles, but it doesn't quite reach their eyes.  "I know."</p><p>"Okay, let's try looking at it this way.  I've had... I've had a <em>lot</em> of sex.  It can be meaningful, it can be intimate, but it's also just a lot of fun.  I think you and Gray deserve to have some fun together."</p><p>"I'm just afraid that... I won't know what to do, or I'll make a fool of myself, or... you know, mess up.  I don't want to spoil <em>his</em> first time."</p><p>Tilly's heart melts.  "How could you possibly do that?"</p><p>"I know he wants to have sex.  I like the idea of it too, but I don't... I don't know.  I'm afraid.  Maybe I'm just being a coward."</p><p>"You're young," Tilly suggests gently.  "Do you feel like you might not be ready?"</p><p>"I don't know."  Adira's looking down at their hands, folded in their lap.  "I want to be ready.  Gray deserves this."</p><p>"Have you mentioned feeling this way to him?"</p><p>"Of course not!"  Agitation suddenly floods Adira, their eyes lit up.  "I don't want to make him feel unwanted.  I <em>do</em> want him.  I love him so much, and I... we're older than we were.  It's part of growing up."  There are tears pricking Adira's eyes.</p><p>"For most people, yes it is, but Adira, you're not grown up yet."  Tilly squeezes their hand.  "I was nineteen for my first time.  Some people wait decades to find the right person, or to be ready for themselves.  Some people never want it.  That's okay too.  Sex is an optional part of relationships, but it doesn't work unless every participant is excited and involved."</p><p>"I don't want to let Gray down."</p><p>"Oh, Adira, you could never.  I know you couldn't.  Think back to the way he trusted you on that first date.  All the trust that's grown between you ever since.  If this was something you wanted to do and he didn't, what would you say to him?"</p><p>"I'd tell him the most important thing was that we were together.  Any way he was comfortable."</p><p>"Exactly."  Tilly smiles at Adira approvingly, feeling a bit like a teacher rewarding a correct answer.  But Adira shakes their head.</p><p>"Gray's been through so much this year.  I just want him to have a normal experience.  Feel like normal teenagers."</p><p>"Okay.  Look at it this way.  Your first time isn't going anywhere.  If you wait a week, a month, a year, longer, it'll still be your first time.  You shouldn't rush it.  And you absolutely should not make yourself do something you're not sure about.  Gray is a good kid.  He'll understand."</p><p>"Understand what?"</p><p>Commander Stamets is hovering behind Adira suddenly, a mildly interested look on his face as he slips into the spare seat at their table.  Adira's face turns bright red as they stare at Tilly, wide-eyed, the message clear: <em>please, please don't tell him.</em></p><p>"Uhh... Adira wants to change the plans for their next date."</p><p>Adira nods furiously as Stamets turns his eyes on them.  "I thought you were looking forward to your stargazing night.  You've been talking about it all day."</p><p>"Oh, no, I - I am, I just - I want to push it back, that's all."</p><p>"You shouldn't be working that late."</p><p>"I won't be."</p><p>"Adira-"</p><p>"I promise, okay?  I'm just going to - I don't know - cook."</p><p>Stamets doesn't look convinced as his eyes flit between Adira and Tilly.  Finally his questioning gaze lands on Tilly, a little threatening, like the old days, but she isn't scared of him now.  She smiles and shakes her head.</p><p>"Don't worry, Commander.  Oh, I wanted to ask you about the changes you made to the spore drive.  Book said you had some new ideas talking to him?"</p><p>Commander Stamets launches into a lengthy description of the insight gained from Book's empathic connection with the spores, suitably distracted.  Adira locks eyes with Tilly and mouths a "thank you" across the table.  Tilly grins back at them.  It's so nice to make a new friend.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0025"><h2>25. Chapter 25</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>anon on tumblr prompted:<br/>Could we get one where Hugh and Paul catch Adira and Gray once he’s Corporeal....just them finding the two asleep together nothing major but it just makes them both so happy to see them happy all the fluff really</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It's the end of a particularly successful date night on the observation deck, a lovely private meal with plenty of full-bodied red wine.  Paul and Hugh wander back to their quarters slowly, hand in hand, whispering sweetly to each other as they go, and somehow manage to avoid running into many people, even though it's not really that late.</p><p>Hugh kisses Paul from behind as he goes to open their door - kisses his cheek, his neck, pulls his shirt out of the way to press lips against his bare shoulder.</p><p>"Don’t you want to wait till we get inside?" Paul asks through a barely-smothered smile.</p><p>"Hmm.  No.  No waiting."</p><p>"What about our plans?"</p><p>"We can do all that right here."</p><p>Paul laughs.  "I don't think we can, babe."</p><p>"Mmmph."  Hugh leans forward, resting his forehead on the back of Paul's neck, braced by his hands on Paul’s hips.  "Don't care.  Anywhere."</p><p>"How about that lovely big room we have?  The one designed specially for this purpose?"  Finally, the door springs open under Paul's unsteady fingers.  "Here we go.  Come on, then, I think we need to get you to bed as soon as possible."</p><p>"Yeah.  Yeah, I think so."  Hugh stumbles after him, laughing a little, intertwining their fingers.  "Can't wait, baby, this is going to-"</p><p>He stops abruptly.</p><p>"Yeah?" Paul presses, teasingly, stretching backwards into him.  "It's going to what?"</p><p>Hugh puts his finger to his lips and points.</p><p>The couch is not empty, as they'd assumed.  Curled up together, the freeze-framed credits of a holonovel still flickering in front of them and a bowl of popcorn precariously balanced on the edge of a cushion, Adira and Gray sleep.</p><p>Hugh’s puppy-eyes are downright adorable.  Paul really has no choice but to kiss him.</p><p>"Should we wake them?" he whispers.</p><p>"No," Hugh says, "they should sleep."  He lets go of Paul's hand, fingers trailing, and disappears into Gray's bedroom.  Paul takes care of the popcorn, and a moment later Hugh returns with a blanket, draping it over the kids.</p><p>Gray shuffles, and Adira turns their head a little, trying to get comfortable on his elbow.</p><p>Paul reaches down and turns off the projection on the PADD, careful not to make any sudden moves.</p><p>Hugh’s arm slides around him as he rises, but all suggestion is gone from the touch.  It’s intimate, loving, but not heated.  Paul reciprocates the gesture, dropping his head onto Hugh’s shoulder.  Hugh kisses his temple.</p><p>“How’d we get this lucky?” Paul murmurs.  “What did we do?”</p><p>“That’s all you,” Hugh whispers back.  “That kid was alone in the world till you took care of them.  You did good.”</p><p>Paul’s free hand drifts down to entangle with the fingers on his hip.  “We both did.  Wow.”</p><p>They really are lucky.  How did they ever deserve this?  All those years, waiting for the right time, both too tentative to talk of having children, both too hesitant to think of a future they might want, afraid in case speaking the words aloud would jinx them.  It’s always been that way.  Paul would never leave his mushrooms, Hugh would never leave Starfleet, and their relationship fit around that, with no space for anything or anyone else.  And they thought they were content with that, once upon a time.</p><p>It seems crazy now.  He and Hugh always fit together, but Adira and Gray… they belong.</p><p>“Hmm?”</p><p>Paul holds his breath, but it’s useless; Gray is stirring.  He blinks up at them blearily, registering first the two faces watching him, then the dead weight lying on top of him.  He watches Adira for a second, then turns back to Paul and Hugh with a sleepy smile.</p><p>“Hey,” he whispers.</p><p>“Hi.  Did you have a good night?”</p><p>Gray smiles in that way that lights up his whole face.  “Yeah.  How was yours?”</p><p>“It was nice.”  Hugh pauses to squeeze Paul a little closer; another nice thing to add to the list of nice things about tonight.  “Should we wake them?”</p><p>Gray looks back to Adira, his arm draped around them, and he pulls the blanket further up around their shoulder.  “No.  We’ll sleep out here, I’m comfy.”</p><p>“Okay.  Come get us if you need- actually, no, don’t come get us tonight,” Hugh edits himself a little sheepishly as Paul pinches his ass, out of view.  Gray snickers, stifling himself against his sleeve.  Adira stirs, but doesn’t wake.</p><p>“Goodnight,” Paul says, and tightens his arm firmly around Hugh’s waist, pulling him away towards their bedroom.</p><p>Gray watches after them, eyes barely open.  They seem so happy, so sure of themselves.  It’s hard to believe where they were a year ago.</p><p>His eyes drift down to Adira, comfortable at his side, right where they belong.  Nobody in the known universe shares a bond like the two of them.  If Paul and Hugh can be okay, then just maybe, so can they.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0026"><h2>26. Chapter 26</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Cyfga prompted in response to chapter 19:<br/>actually, I'd love a chapter about Adira and Gray spending time with Tilly and Detmer or Linus.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p></p><div class="">
  <p><em>One</em>:</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Two sixes," Tilly says, dropping the cards face-down on the pile.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Can't be," Gray says, studying Adira’s hand.  Adira glances at him sideways, questioning.  He shrugs.  "We put down two sixes five minutes ago, they're in Detmer's hand now.  And you've got one there."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Bullshit," Adira says, just as Detmer is pulling out three cards from her hand.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"You're suspiciously good at this," Tilly says, pulling the pile back.  </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Gray's better at keeping track than I am."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Detmer squints at them.  "Hey, isn't that cheating?"</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"He's only looking at my hand.  Anyway, I have a disadvantage too, I've never played this game before."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Don't you have all the memories of Tal's former hosts in there?"</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Adira shrugs.  "So?"</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"You can't seriously tell us none of them ever played Bullshit."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"A twentieth-century Earth game?  The Trill aren't super familiar, no."  Well, Jovar did play a few card games on his starship full of humans.  But Adira doesn't recall this being one of them.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Well, anyway, it's totally not fair," Detmer says.  "You two are too good at counting cards.  Adira only has three left."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Hey, it's not our fault you can't count."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Detmer kicks Tilly under the table, laughing.  "Can we play something else?"</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Adira, you said you had some board games in your quarters."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"Well, I do, but I think... I've kind of been exiled for the day."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>"What do you mean?"</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I’m supposed to find something to occupy myself all day.  I… kind of overworked yesterday.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Kind of?” Gray prods gently.  Adira glares at him.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“And now I’m not allowed to work for two days.  Paul locked me out of Engineering.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Commander Stamets banned you from working?”  Tilly sounds legitimately astonished.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Yeah.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“That’s a first.”  </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“He wasn’t always this... protective?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Detmer laughs.  “He was not, no.  Half the ship was intimidated by him.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Adira blinks.  “<em>Paul</em>?  I mean - he can be crabby, sure, but he’s also so <em>nice</em>.  Wasn’t he like that before?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“He always cared,” Tilly puts in.  “But he used to be a lot more… single-minded, I guess?  Nothing mattered more than the spore drive.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Adira thinks back to the two men they left behind at home.  Sure, of course Paul loves his work, but anyone can see that nothing matters more to him than <em>Hugh</em>.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Which is quite nice, in its own way.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p><em>Two</em>:</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Adira hums to themself and leans forward, taking one of the movable levels and lowering it.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Check,” Linus says with deep satisfaction as he makes his move.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“What about-” Gray begins, but Adira waves him off.  They’ve seen it.  Their knight captures Linus’s queen with no fanfare.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I thought you said you hadn’t played before,” Linus grumbles.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Senna used to play.  It was a long time ago, but it’s starting to come back.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Hmmph.”  Linus turns back to study the board, twisting it a little to get a better angle.  “Aha.”  He moves his rook.  “I’ll have you in check in one move.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Oh, I didn’t see that.”  Adira glances at Gray.  “Did you?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He shakes his head.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Adira leans forward again, focusing on the board.  “I can figure this out,” they say.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Linus gives them a kind smile.  “There is a way out,” he says.  “Don’t limit yourself to the obvious move.  There’s a deceptively powerful piece in play that looks too weak to move.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Well, there’s the queen one level up.  She could get in between Linus’s rook and Adira’s king, but then they’d just lose the queen, and they’d rather not.  Besides, Linus said <em>deceptively</em> powerful.  Maybe - no, the bishop’s trapped.  There are no pawns in easy reach.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Hey,” Gray says, “I think I see it.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Don’t tell me.  I want to figure it out.”  Adira sees Linus’s questioning look and explains, “Gray says he spotted it.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Don’t give the game away,” Linus says in an approximation of Gray’s direction.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Ten minutes later, Linus deposits a cup of tea on the table beside Adira.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Thank you.  I don’t see it,” they moan.  “I’ve looked at every piece I have in play.  What am I missing?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Do you surrender?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Adira sighs heavily and knocks over their king.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Here.”  Linus picks the piece up and leans over to demonstrate.  “You move this pawn and put <em>me</em> in check.  Then I have no choice but to take your pawn.  Now I’m more vulnerable.  You put me in check again <em>here</em>, and I have to move my rook to take your bishop.  Which gives you an opening to put your spare knight here.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Wow, I hadn’t played it out that far ahead,” Gray says.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“This still doesn’t put you in checkmate.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“No, but it gets you out of the woods.  For now.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Adira grins at him and starts to reset their pieces.  “Can we try another round?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p><em>Three</em>:</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“You’re still sloppy on the bowing,” Gray says.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He’s sitting cross-legged on the floor across from Adira, watching as they go over their scales.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I’m out of practice.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I know.”  Gray gets up, comes to sit beside them.  “And… I really appreciate that you’re going to all that work for me.  I don’t want to be stuck here forever.  But it’s not your fault, and you’ve got to be a person sometimes too.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Ugh.  I suppose.”  A light knock at the door forces them both to look up.  Paul’s hovering there, Hugh just behind him, both looking unusually relaxed.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Hey,” Paul says, “can we come in?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Adira gestures vaguely with the bow and waits as they enter.  “You want to duet?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Maybe tomorrow,” Paul says.  “We actually have something to talk to you about.  We were looking over your work from yesterday.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Adira sighs.  “I know, I know, I went too hard, I won’t go so long without a break again, please can we move on?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Hugh smirks at them.  “Are you done?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I suppose.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Good.  We have an idea.”</p>
</div>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0027"><h2>27. Chapter 27</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>potterfan2006 prompted:</p><p>now I NEED to see what Hugh does if Paul hits a depressive funk that he can't shake on his own (after a span of maybe weeks?)....god especially AFTER That season ender! &lt;---- your next prompt (LOL) make it extra dramatic and whampy - can you tell I'm in a mood as well? LOL!</p><p> </p><p>Obviously there's a depression content warning on this one.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Paul," Hugh whispers, running a hand over his partner's shoulder.  "Baby, it's time to get up."</p><p>Slowly Paul rolls onto his back and blinks up at Hugh.</p><p>"There you are.  How're you feeling?"</p><p>Paul shrugs.  "I'm okay."</p><p>Hugh presses a gentle kiss to his forehead.  "What do you feel like eating?"</p><p>At least Paul has accepted that this funk won't get him out of having breakfast.  He's actually thinking about it.  "I could manage some toast," he says, slowly sitting up.</p><p>"Good," Hugh says, though he'd be happier if Paul would take some protein.  Still, food is food, better than nothing.</p><p>They shower together - the easiest way to get Paul ready in the mornings just now.  Hugh kisses his nose and washes his hair and brushes off the soft thanks and apologies that keep coming from his partner.</p><p>"It's nothing, love.  You'd do the same for me.  You have done the same for me."</p><p>"You don't have to, though.  I know I'm a lot to deal with..."</p><p>"I like dealing with you," Hugh tells him firmly.  </p><p>They exit the shower together, and Paul manages to towel himself off.  Getting into uniform is no issue, and personal grooming is one thing that Paul does perfectly no matter his mood.  Today is no exception; he dries off and styles his hair carefully, peering in the mirror and somehow ignoring the dark circles under his eyes.</p><p>Hugh has his own grooming to handle.  This is the moment of the day that still feels normal, and he relishes it, carefully steering the trimmer around his beard and bumping shoulders with Paul just for the sake of touching him.  They brush their teeth, exchanging soft smiles, and exit their quarters not hand in hand, but close together.</p><p>Paul eats as much as he can, not noticing the extra sugar Hugh stirred into his coffee, and they share the turbolift to work.  Hugh gets off first, kissing Paul discreetly just before the doors open, and heads to sickbay with a busy mind.</p><p>This has been going on for too long.  Paul isn't trying to be difficult, of course; Hugh knows he wants nothing more than to get away from this sunken, heavy heart of his.  This has happened before, and the only thing that worked was waiting it out.  If this is what it looks like to love Paul right now, this is what Hugh will do.</p><p>Still, he does wish there could be some other way to help him.  Can't he make this end?</p><p>"Morning, Culber," Pollard calls as he enters sickbay.  "You okay to take walk-ins for a couple hours?  I've got some reading to do, turns out the future has made a lot of headway in treating a skin condition one of my patients has."</p><p>Oh.  Hugh is an idiot.  They're in the <em>future</em>.  Of <em>course</em> there's a new way to help Paul.  He just has to find it.</p><p>The day passes quickly.  The <em>week</em> passes quickly.  Hugh and Pollard trade off for shifts and research, and every day he clocks out at six-thirty on the dot.  He'd happily keep reading for hours on end, but for all Paul needs treatment, it's just as important that Hugh be present while they wait.  </p><p>Today is different, though.  Hugh arrives in Engineering an hour early, knowing what he'll find.  Paul is still there, of course, head buried in his work.  Tilly is the only other one there; working far away from Paul.  She gives Hugh a relieved smile as he enters.  She nods over to Paul and then packs up her things, disappearing in one swift movement.</p><p>Hugh approaches, careful to make sure Paul can hear his footsteps and see him before he gets close enough to touch.  "Hi, love.  How was your day?"</p><p>Paul only glances behind him to be sure they're alone before slumping sideways, leaning into Hugh.  "It was okay.  Are you here to drag me home?"</p><p>"I am."</p><p>"Okay."  Paul heaves himself to his feet.  "Straight home?"</p><p>He ought to socialise more, but Hugh knows he'll just be miserable, and he doesn't want that.  "Sure.  We'll just stop by the mess to get some dinner and take it home with us, 'kay?"</p><p>Hugh talks as they walk, filling the silence with inane chatter.  Quiet between the two of them has drawn attention before, and he doesn't want undue eyes on Paul.  Still, Paul is even quieter than usual, barely mumbling responses to the things Hugh says, not quite shying away as others nod in passing, but clearly uncomfortable.</p><p>"Why don't you just go home," Hugh offers as they enter the turbolift.  "I can fetch dinner.  You're exhausted."</p><p>"It's fine," Paul mumbles.  "I'll stay with you."</p><p>Ah.  It's been that kind of a day.  "Alright," Hugh says as they exit the lift and head towards the mess hall.  "I don't know about you, but I'm feeling comfort food.  I'm gonna get the greasiest burrito I can replicate.  How about you?"</p><p>Paul shrugs.  "I don't know.  I wouldn't bother, but I know you'll make me eat anyway."</p><p>Hugh reaches out and squeezes his hand.  "Yes, dear, I will."</p><p>"Grilled cheese," Paul concedes.</p><p>"Alright."  Hugh leads them both to the replicators and makes a start on their food.</p><p>"Hugh?"</p><p>He half-turns, smiling.  "Yeah, babe?"</p><p>"You're acting odd."</p><p>"I am?"</p><p>"No lecture about how I should eat some real food?"</p><p>"Today you get a treat.  Two treats," he corrects himself.  "I have something to share with you later.  But we need to eat first."</p><p>"Should I worry?"</p><p>"No."  Hugh reaches just enough to brush the back of Paul's hand.  "It's good news.  Promise."</p><p>Paul nods, still unsure but trusting in Hugh.  They head home and eat with no incident, but when Hugh takes their dishes to put out of the way Paul grabs his hand and pulls him back down.</p><p>"What's wrong, darling?"</p><p>"I just," and those are tears, "thank you for looking after me.  For being here."</p><p>Hugh puts an arm around him, tugs him close, waits until he relaxes just a little.  "We look after each other.  When you need a break, I pick up the slack, that's how this works."</p><p>"Don't you ever get frustrated?"</p><p>Hugh cuddles him closer and kisses his head.  "You're not to blame.  I'm just so sorry you're feeling this way, but, Paul, I think I can help."</p><p>He takes a hypospray from his pocket and lays it on the table in front of them.  Paul stares.</p><p>"Nothing's ever worked before."</p><p>"We're in the future now.  Will you let me give you this?"</p><p>"I trust you," Paul says quietly.  "But what if it doesn't work?"</p><p>"If it doesn't work I will still be here and we'll keep going.  We've got through this before.  But let me try?"</p><p>Paul doesn't speak, just holds out his arm.</p><p>Hugh leans over to give him a quick peck on the lips, then picks up the hypospray and injects the compound into Paul.</p><p>"It might take a couple of hours to kick in," Hugh says.  "What do you want to do?"</p><p>Paul shrugs and says, "Sleep."</p><p>They change and go to bed in quiet comfort, curled up together.  In the dark, with Paul's back pressed against his chest, Hugh can pretend nothing is wrong, just breathing in his scent until morning comes.</p><p>Finally the alarm gently beeps at him.  He leans forward, stroking Paul's hair.  "Paul?  It's time to get up."</p><p>Paul rolls onto his back, blinking slowly up at Hugh.</p><p>"Hi," Hugh whispers, searching those eyes for answers.  "How are you doing, love?"</p><p>The unspoken question hangs between them.  <em>Did it work?</em></p><p>Paul smiles sadly, and shakes his head.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0028"><h2>28. Chapter 28</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>pencilguin prompted in response to chapter 18:<br/>I guess as a doctor you need to be able to play that "bad cop" role with difficult patients so he's probably got some practice.<br/>And, hmm... Now I'm wondering what that would be like (maybe the first time?) when he has to do that with Paul.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Hugh wakes naturally for the first time in months.  Salty air drifts into the room on a gentle breeze, dislodging the curtains and sending streaks of sunlight across the floor and onto the bed.  Onto Paul's bare back.</p><p>That's right.  He's here with <em>Paul</em>.</p><p>It's only the second time they've seen each other in person since they started talking.  It's been months, and in that time their relationship has progressed from two or three dates a week to talking every day, calling each other "boyfriends", and - at <em>last</em> - taking a vacation together.</p><p>It's perfect, and he's so lucky to be here.  Paul's amazing.  So smart, so witty, and kind too if you don't let the sarcasm scare you off.  He seems to think a lot of Hugh, too, heaping on praise until Hugh thinks he could crawl into a hole and hide there for a month.</p><p>And Hugh gets to wake up beside him for a whole week.  How lucky is he?</p><p>"Are you staring at me?"</p><p>Hugh grins as Paul rolls onto his back, squinting up at him with too much sunlight in his eyes.  "No..."</p><p>"You were."  Paul pushes up on his elbows to kiss Hugh.  "When do we have to get up?"</p><p>"You're the one who wants to scuba dive.  I'm perfectly happy to stay right here all day.  We don't <em>have</em> to get up at all."</p><p>Paul pouts at him in the most adorable way.  "But I want to scuba dive!"</p><p>Hugh flops down on the bed, but he's already lost the argument.</p><p>-----</p><p>"<em>No</em>."</p><p>"Hugh, it was only an accident."</p><p>Hugh raises a single eyebrow, a technique he's perfected over many years.  "Yes, I would hope so."</p><p>"I'm <em>fine</em>."</p><p>"You're literally leaking blood on me right now."</p><p>"I'll buy you another shirt."</p><p>Like that's what matters.  Hugh huffs, reaching for the dermal regenerator in the essentials-only kit he always carried.  "You told me you'd dived before."</p><p>"I have.  Just not in the real ocean."</p><p>Oh, for the love of - "<em>Paul</em>."</p><p>"I thought it would be the same!"</p><p>Hugh checks Paul's foot.  The injuries are clear at least; he reaches for the pathetically inadequate flip-flop.  "You didn't anticipate coral?"</p><p>"It's not a big deal, Hugh, really.  I'm fine.  I'm sure I can walk on it, we can still do everything we planned."</p><p>Hugh gives him a stony look.  Paul winces, reaching out for his hand.</p><p>"I'm sorry I ruined our day."</p><p>"You know, I didn't even want to do this in the first place."  Hugh gets to his feet, finally taking enough pity on Paul to help him up.</p><p>"I'm sorry."</p><p>"Well, it's done.  So much for hiking tomorrow."</p><p>"I'll be fine to hike, Hugh, I promise."  Paul takes a few steps, and in fairness to him, he doesn't seem to be having any trouble.  "Why don't we go back to the hotel?  We can take a long bath, order room service, have an early night?"</p><p>"I don't think you understand how serious this could have been."</p><p>Paul is starting to get frustrated, he can tell, but he needs to get this.  If anything ever happened to him...</p><p>Paul takes three steps forward, clasping Hugh's hands in his own.  "I understand.  I could have been trapped in the coral.  I could have gotten an infection.  I could have been more seriously injured and left unable to walk.  But none of that happened, because you were here."</p><p>"I won't always be here."</p><p>Paul ventures to kiss him, just the briefest peck on the lips.  "I know.  But you're not my doctor, Hugh, you're my boyfriend.  Sometimes that's going to mean forgiving me when I do stupid shit like this.  So please can we go home so I can make it up to you?"</p><p>Hugh shakes his head, but he knows Paul is right.  He can't exactly act like he's never done anything stupid.</p><p>"Alright," he says, giving Paul a small smile.  "But I reserve the right to veto any activity for the rest of this vacation."</p><p>Paul squeezes his hands and releases one, turning to walk by his side with fingers intertwined between them.  "Does this mean I'm forgiven?"</p><p>"You're an idiot, is what you are," Hugh says affectionately.  "But yes.  You're forgiven."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0029"><h2>29. Chapter 29</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>beantown on ao3 prompted in response to chapter 17:<br/>Could we pretty please get a chapter in which some douche is bugging Adira again but Paul DOES find out this time and goes Full Protective Dad Mode?</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Paul enters Engineering with his mind miles away.  He's just come from a particularly enjoyable lunch with Hugh, as carefree as the early days of their romance, full of fun and flirting and cheeky promises for <em>later</em>.  Things have been so good since they reunited.  He's never felt quite so happy.</p><p>A laugh drifts across from the other side of the lab.  He glances up to see Adira grinning, typing furiously but eyes focused just past their screen.  Another source of his recent happiness.</p><p>Someone's talking to Adira - probably Matthews - and that seems perfectly normal, but Adira's snapped "I wasn't talking to you," isn't.  Paul snaps out of his daze, eyes on the scene.  Neither of them has noticed him yet.</p><p>"That's right," Matthews sneers.  "The invisible boyfriend."</p><p>Adira's eyes snap right back to their screen.  They're blushing and clenching their teeth - something about this is not right at all.  Is this why Adira's been a little off lately?  Ensign Matthews is hardly an open mind, but if he's been giving them a hard time...</p><p>"Oh, come on," Matthews says, "we all know you're just after the attention really."</p><p>"Matthews."  Paul's voice cracks across the lab like a whip.</p><p>Matthews glances up, the picture of nonchalance.  "Yes, sir?"</p><p>"Do I hear you disrespecting a fellow scientist?"</p><p>Matthews gapes at him for a few seconds.  Beside him Adira stares at the floor.</p><p>"Well?"</p><p>"I - I didn't mean..."</p><p>"If I hear of anything like that again, Ensign, there will be severe consequences," Paul says, doing his absolute best to keep his voice even.  "Am I understood?"</p><p>"Yes, sir."  The words are spoken through gritted teeth and to the floor, but Paul doesn't want to take it further, not this time.  Matthews has had his warning, that's enough for today.</p><p>"Good.  Now stop bothering my staff and get on with your own work.  You're dismissed."</p><p>Matthews turns on his heel and marches out without another word.  Paul watches after him for a moment.  Damn.  Something needs changing there.  For now, though, he's got another priority.</p><p>"Adira?"</p><p>Finally they look up at him, red-faced and mortified.  "I... please can we not talk about this?"</p><p>Poor kid.  Paul crosses the room to them and lays a gentle hand on their shoulder.  "No," he says quietly, "We need to talk about this.  Shall we go and get some coffee?"</p><p>Adira shakes their head at once.  "I don't want anyone to know.  Please."</p><p>He wouldn't like that much either, if it were him.  "How about our quarters?"</p><p>Adira waits a second in the mode of listening to Gray.  "Okay," they say.</p><p>Ensign Hamill is recruited from Reno's staff to keep an eye on things at the lab for an hour.  It's a short walk back to their family quarters; when they moved they managed to get a place close to the lab, and today that choice is paying off.  Paul glowers at everyone they pass in the corridors to keep curious eyes off Adira's distressed face, and they're home in no time, safe and hidden behind closed doors.</p><p>"Okay," Paul says once the two of them are sitting on the couch, awkwardly facing each other.  "How long has Matthews been bothering you?"</p><p>"He hasn't... he's not really..."</p><p>They can't look at him.  They're twisting their hands together in their lap, and their voice wavers dangerously.</p><p>"Hey," Paul says, carefully, daring so far as to touch Adira's knee for a second.  "Adira.  It's okay.  I know it's upsetting, I know it makes you feel powerless, but I promise you'll feel better when you've said it out loud."</p><p>Adira's quiet for a moment.</p><p>"What does Gray say?" Paul prompts gently, getting a smile for the question.</p><p>"He says I should tell you it's been like this for a few months."</p><p><em>Months</em>?  This has been going on under his nose for that long?</p><p>"It's not been bad," Adira hurries to add.  "Not really.  But... I guess you heard what he was saying.  I think he just doesn't believe me."</p><p>"He doesn't have to believe you, but he has to respect you.  Why didn't you tell me?"</p><p>Adira shrugs.  "I kind of didn't want to make a scene.  I don't want anyone to think I'm running off for protection every time things don't go my way."</p><p>"Okay," he says, wishing he had some help here, wishing for Hugh - hopeless, given the scheduled surgery taking place this afternoon.  "I understand that.  But I promise not to deal with this in a way that makes your life harder.  Alright?  You... I know you've been on your own for a long time, but you're still a kid.  I'm responsible for your welfare now."</p><p>Adira obviously has to think about that for a minute, but eventually they nod. Paul exhales, relieved.  He's never had to take care of a kid before, and Adira's so near adulthood that he sometimes forgets they're still a teenager, still at one of the most difficult phases of life, and they need a lot of support.</p><p>"So tell me again what's going on?" he tries.</p><p>"Matthews... and Pagarr... just don't like me very much.  They already didn't when I joined Discovery.  But since I told you I was seeing Gray... and word kind of got around... they think I'm just doing it for the attention, I guess."</p><p>"But Hugh and Saru saw Gray, too, in the nebula.  They must believe you now."</p><p>Adira shrugs.  "I don't think they want to admit they were wrong."</p><p>That's his ensigns all over.  Paul huffs.  "I see.  They're intimidated by your intelligence.  They're bullying you because they want to feel better than you, and they can't come up with another way to do it. Believe me, I've been there."  Plenty of times.  It's even happened to him on Discovery, at least in the early days, but it dates back to middle school.  Paul's gotten good at ignoring that kind of thing, but Adira's so young and innocent, and he really doesn't want them feeling that their intelligence is anything but an asset.</p><p>Adira blinks at him, disbelieving.  "But you're so sure of yourself."</p><p>"Sure.  I'm the smartest person in the room, about ninety-five percent of the time.  But I'm not exactly physically imposing.  I'm not exactly a social butterfly."</p><p>"So how did you deal with it?"</p><p>"Well.  As a kid I just ignored it, because there was nothing I could do.  But it didn't go away, if anything it just made it worse.  By the time I changed schools I was feeling so crummy that my work was suffering.  In high school I tried fighting back, but I ended up flat on my back pretty quick every time.  After college I stuck close to Straal, and that was better, but we couldn't be glued to one another's sides all day.  When I came here... I tried to handle it myself, but it wasn't working. Eventually Hugh figured out something was up and I had to tell him.  He took it to Saru, and Saru did something, and then there wasn't an issue any more."</p><p>"But you never knew what Saru did?"</p><p>"Military disciplinary action is best left alone if you're not directly in the line of fire.  But their behaviour was out of line and Starfleet doesn't allow that.  It was their shortcoming, not mine.  So I had no reason to feel embarrassed."</p><p>"But you did anyway," Adira says, surprisingly insightful.  "Didn't you?"</p><p>Paul shrugs.  "Well, yes.  But that was my problem to overcome."  He tries another way; Adira is so much like him in many ways, no doubt they need some reassurance.  "Look, you're smart.  You and I both know you're the smartest person on this ship, but you're also a <em>person</em>, okay?  If you didn't have all those brains hidden inside that head of yours, you'd still matter.  The way they've been treating you is unjust, and you deserve better.  Not just because you're clever.  And not in spite of it, either.  You deserve to be treated with respect just because you're a person.  And-" turning to the empty chair near them - "you too, Gray."</p><p>"He says thank you," Adira says softly.  "And, uh... so do I."</p><p>"You're welcome," Paul tells them.  "Now, I want you both to promise I'll hear about it if anything like this happens again.  Okay?"</p><p>"We promise.  Both of us."</p><p>"Good," Paul says, moving as if to stand, but suddenly he's pressed back against the seat, the full force of a human body heavy in his arms.</p><p>Oh.  Adira's hugging him.</p><p>That's nice.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0030"><h2>30. Chapter 30</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Jinarrow prompted:<br/>Hugh and Paul never had their Kasseelian opera date from S1 (prior to the mirror universe jump) given the chaos that happened after. Would you be open to writing something about them finally going on that date? Maybe after the temporal jump? Bonus if you want to add Adira, Gray and/or Tilly being supportive of the idea!</p><p>I had some of this written already as I ditched an opera sequence from an upcoming fic.  I'm glad you gave me the chance to use it!<br/>The number of opera synopses I've read on wikipedia since I started writing culmets fic is really getting out of hand.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"So," Paul says, striding into their quarters with a certain swagger that gets Hugh's attention, "Adira told me something very interesting about our shore leave destination."</p><p>Intrigued, Hugh sits up,  cross-legged on the bed, his PADD instantly forgotten.  "Oh, yeah?"</p><p>"Mhaalin," Paul announces, a grin on his face, "is home to the galaxy's oldest surviving Kasselian opera house."</p><p>"You're kidding."</p><p>"Right on our doorstep."  Paul's eyes soften a little.  "I believe I have a promise to keep."</p><p>Hugh thinks back to that moment, the last happy moment with Paul before everything went wrong.  The unexpected kiss, the romance of that promise - he'd been swept off his feet.  He'd forgotten all about that, after his death.  Maybe he'd chosen not to remember.</p><p>"You'll be bored sick," he says.  </p><p>"I know."</p><p>Hugh can't help but let out a soft laugh at that.  "Ten minutes in, and you'll be wishing you sent someone else in your place."</p><p>"Well," Paul says, "about that."</p><p>A drop of disappointment, but Hugh squashes it; he could have found someone willing to hang on his every word at all times if he'd wanted, but he loves Paul, and Paul is always going to be who he is.  "What?" he asks, smiling.</p><p>"I kind of invited Adira to join us," Paul admits.  "It seems that Cara Tal was a fan of the Kasselians, and they want to understand it.  They've been lonely since Gray disappeared on them, and I thought... maybe you'd like to talk to someone who could appreciate the art more than I do."</p><p>It's hard to be upset about that.  Hugh likes their newest passenger, feels for them; he's intrigued by what they bring out in Paul, too.  And Paul isn't wrong, it would be nice to share his love of opera with someone who understood.  Hugh knows how much patience it takes Paul to sit through a show, and loves the good-natured grousing that goes along with it, but maybe Adira will see what he sees.</p><p>The three days he and Paul have together on Mhaalin are nothing short of perfect.  Discovery is entirely forgotten, their troubles behind them.  It's like dating for the first time all over again, the excitement, the energy - but they know each other so well that their second honeymoon period is something unique, trusting, loving, precious.  They can't keep their hands off one another; pulling away from several activities over the course of the trip to hide in a broom closet and make out.  </p><p><em>God, I love Paul</em>.  The thought echoes around Hugh's head, repeating itself like a mantra, unforgettable.  He can't help himself; Paul is so sweet, so adoring, so infectiously happy.  It's really, really good to see him happy like this.  It's been a long time.</p><p>The night of the opera, they go for dinner first.  Adira joins them, picking Hugh's brains about the show they're about to see, intensely enthusiastic about the night ahead.  Paul refrains from groaning even once, though his eyes glaze over a bit.  Hugh knows he's got a PADD stashed in the lining of his jacket, but he'll live with it.  At least Adira's interested.  </p><p>They enter the theatre in good time.  Paul seems to have planned this evening out to the second, and he takes Hugh's arm as they walk through the doors, the picture of classy dignity, none of the low grumbling Hugh had grown used to in their earlier years.  Adira follows close behind them as Paul fishes out their tickets, allowing an usher to show them to third row of the upper circle.</p><p>Paul actually looks a little embarrassed.  "I tried to get better seats," he confides, "but..."</p><p>Hugh grabs his hand.  "Stop it.  This is wonderful."</p><p>"You always say there's no price too high for the best seats in the house."</p><p>Hugh laughs, interlocking their fingers.  "These are lovely seats.  The show's great, the company's perfect, I promise not to spend the entire evening fuming over the people at the front of the dress circle."</p><p>"Are the seats that important?" Adira queries, tucking into the seat beside Hugh.</p><p>"Some people have strong feelings," Hugh says.  "But-"</p><p>"Some people, like you haven't talked my ear off about it a dozen times," Paul interrupts, leaning against him - more to make sure Adira hears him than to demonstrate that he's teasing, Hugh suspects.</p><p>"But," he continues as though Paul hadn't spoken, "we could be sat at the back of the stalls with half the view obstructed, and tonight I'd still have a good time."</p><p>"Wish I'd known that before I spent so much time getting the seats we did manage," Paul says.  "Ow!"</p><p>Hugh delicately withdraws his elbow from Paul's ribs.  "Are you going to be in this mood all night?"</p><p>"It's a definite possibility."</p><p>Hugh makes a face, but inside his heart's singing.  It's so nice to be with Paul when he's this, prickly and acerbic, but warmth running underneath, every inch the man Hugh fell in love with all those years ago.  The war and Lorca sharpened some of Paul's softness, and their troubles in the year that followed didn't exactly help, but now things are getting closer to the way they were before, except more so.  Paul is happy, Hugh thinks; this witty repartee is his way of showing it.</p><p>Adira has a bunch of questions about the show they're seeing, and Hugh enjoys himself with answering, and discussing, and beating Paul at his own game of banter - because Paul might be happy, but Hugh is happy, too; gleeful, in fact, and he can't help the snarking brought out by unspeakable joy.  You can't scare me away, it says, I've chosen you, and the light in Paul's eyes tells him the message is well and truly received.</p><p>The curtain rises, and Hugh's attention is immediately captured.  At the interval he realises Paul is still holding his hand - he disentangles himself to fetch them all drinks, and returns to find Paul and Adira eagerly arguing over the romance of "Fidelio" and Marzelline.  Paul stops abruptly when he sees Hugh hovering, and he looks a bit sheepish, but Hugh just passes him his drink and prods him in the thigh until he moves over, settling into the debate with ease.</p><p>Paul grins at him and rests a hand on his knee and actually watches the whole show.</p><p>"At least I understand a bit of German," he says afterwards as they walk hand-in-hand back to their hotel, where they have one last night of bliss before they have to return to the ship.  "So I could sort of follow it.  It's not so bad when you can understand what they're doing.  Anyway, it's different hearing a professional perform when you've paid to see it, compared to a stranger humming it off-key in a bar."</p><p>"Oh," Hugh laughs, "that's how it is?  You can't convince me after all these years that it was me you objected to.  I know you too well to fall for that one."</p><p>There's something soft in Paul's eyes over that.  "No, you're right, I'm as surprised as you are that I had a good time.  I can see why you like the music, but I didn't expect to enjoy two and a half hours of it.  Although that fifteen minute overture stretched my patience."</p><p>"I could tell."  Paul's leg had jogged the entire time, but he'd remained quiet.  Hugh pulls him aside, towards the side of the road where they won't be in anyone's way.  "Thank you for tonight.  You were perfect."</p><p>Paul grins, flushing, and looks towards their clasped hands.  "I'm glad you had a good time.  That's all I wanted."</p><p>They start to walk together again, slower now, shoulders bumping against one another.  The moonlight is magical, the night is clear, the stars are shining.  The moment is perfect.</p><p>"So," Hugh says at last, running his thumb across Paul's knuckles, "does this mean you'll stop complaining when I sing in the shower?"</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0031"><h2>31. Chapter 31</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>potterfan2006 prompted in response to chapter 22:</p><p>Also rereading it this many times got me thinking about this story from Hugh's POV</p><p> </p><p>I wasn't sure about writing from two perspectives at first but the more I thought about this I could see there's a way to tell a different story happening at the same time.  Thanks!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sometimes Hugh wakes up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat.  It's just become a part of his life, he can't seem to get away from it.  He glances back at the warm body beside him, bending down to drop a brief kiss in Paul's hair.  He looks so peaceful like this, asleep and innocent of the troubles of the world.</p><p>Hugh carefully disentangles himself from Paul's arm and gets out of bed.  He can do this, right?  He's fine.  He's not freaking out, maybe he just woke up because he needs the bathroom.  That's it.  This isn't about the situation they're in, the risk he took, everything he left behind, his mom...</p><p>Oh, God, his <em>mom</em>.  He never went to see her after he came back.  He sent her a message, rushed and distracted, but he never said goodbye...</p><p>Tears spring to his eyes unbidden, and in the next instant they're flowing, sobs caught in his throat.  Hugh shoves his hands over his mouth.  He can't wake Paul.</p><p>But he has to, doesn't he?  If Paul wakes on his own and finds Hugh gone, crying in the bathroom and hiding from him, after he <em>promised</em>... talking to Paul about things like this is part of rebuilding their trust.</p><p>And he wants Paul to hold him.  He wants to feel safe.</p><p>Hugh splashes some water on his face and towels off, glad to at least feel a little cleaner, and stares at himself in the mirror.  He's put this off long enough.  He has a promise to keep.</p><p>"Paul," he whispers, approaching the bed, "Paul," and starts shaking his shoulder.</p><p>Paul wakes, bleary confusion transforming to warm-hearted concern as soon as he lays eyes on Hugh.  He pulls him into his arms and hugs him close, patient and focused as Hugh lets the smell of Paul surround him.</p><p>Paul probes, gently, but doesn't press; he lets Hugh calm down and draw comfort, take his time.</p><p>Hugh's still getting used to having Paul in his life again.  It's great, of course.  They're happy, they're together, and most days are really, really good.  Hugh still has to remind himself to tell Paul when he needs something, he sometimes still has to remind himself to go to the third deck and not the fourth at the end of the day.  But Paul has been patient, they're making this work.  And Hugh isn't alone any more.</p><p>They talk for hours, and even when Hugh feels better he can't stop.  There's a special intimacy about tonight, something they've skirted up against since he moved back in, but they've never fully reached.  Now they're here, Hugh would like to stay forever.  Forget the world, forget their duties, let it just be the two of them, talking in this bed, for the rest of their lives.</p><p>Until Paul's alarm bleeps.</p><p>"Oh," Hugh says intelligently, suddenly realising the time, "I've kept you up all night.  I'm sorry."</p><p>Paul grins at him, unbothered, but a little drowsy-looking.  "I'll have an extra coffee before I go in.  Unless you want me to stay?"</p><p>"No, go do your work," Hugh says through a stifled yawn.</p><p>"Are you going to sleep?"</p><p>"Think so."</p><p>"Good."  Paul smiles, pulling away from Hugh's arms and getting out of bed.  "You need anything before I go?"</p><p>Hugh shuffles to lie back down, grabbing Paul's pillow and holding it to his chest.  "I'm all good."</p><p>"'Kay."  Paul bends down to press a quick kiss to his cheekbone.  "Comm if you need anything, alright?"</p><p>"Love you," Hugh mumbles into the pillow, and if Paul speaks again, he doesn't hear it.</p><p>When Hugh wakes, he's tangled in the sheets, having migrated through the morning onto Paul's side of the bed, so far that his leg dangles off the edge.  He lies awake for a few minutes, letting himself drift into proper consciousness slowly.  </p><p>There's still a long while till his shift starts.  He drags himself over to the replicator and orders a coffee, then heads back to Paul's side of the bed to drink it, PADD propped up on his knees.  He passes a pleasant twenty minutes like that, then, finally a little more awake, heads for the shower, stripping as he goes.</p><p>He stays in the bathroom to dress after his shower, bothering just with sweatpants and an old DISCO shirt that's just scraping by the line of still acceptable to wear to the gym - he's got a good two hours to wait still - and opens the door to find Paul hyperventilating on the couch.</p><p>"Paul," he murmurs, across the room in a flash, pulling his love into his arms and holding him there.</p><p>No wonder, either; Paul is so tired.  How did Hugh not realise last night?  He'd only had a couple of hours' sleep before he woke him.  It had been the right thing to do at the time, but he should have said something, should have made Paul sleep in with him, should've, should've... but it's okay.  Paul is home now and Hugh can look after him.</p><p>Hugh makes nonsense soothing noises, waiting it out while Paul cries into his chest.  He really must be exhausted to let loose like this.  He's rarely fallen apart so badly, even just alone with Hugh.  It proves just how badly he needs comfort and guidance, and those are things that, for Paul, Hugh can offer in abundance.</p><p>"Come on," he says eventually, when Paul's eyes are dry and he's talked a little.  "Let's get you back into bed."  Paul clambers to his feet and Hugh takes his hand to keep him in place.  "Let me help you with this first," he murmurs, freeing Paul from his jacket, his undershirt, his pants, until all that remains are his boxers.  The room is warm and Paul is tired, so Hugh doesn't bother digging out his pyjamas, just leads him straight to the bed, depositing him there with a half-hearted attempt to right the sheets in such a way that Paul won't complain later.</p><p>"I won't sleep," Paul mumbles.  "Too amped up."  But Hugh has ideas for that.  He gives Paul a kiss on the forehead and drifts away for a moment.</p><p>Their wardrobe is tiny and mostly empty, save for the few non-uniform clothes they brought with them for a taste of home, but last month, while searching for an old shirt he used to be fond of, Hugh came across a box hidden away.  Opening it revealed something he hadn't seen in a long time.</p><p>Years ago, when he and Paul had been dating a little under a year, he went home for a short visit to learn that Paul lay awake for hours at night instead of dropping off to sleep.  A few gentle questions revealed that Paul felt he simply couldn't drift away, imprisoned in consciousness by a whirling mind.  The weighted blanket had been one of a few remedies Hugh provided, and over time many of them went away.  He didn't know Paul still had this; it certainly never used to be there.</p><p>He climbs into bed beside Paul and lays the blanket out over them both, listening to the explanation Paul offers.  Of course he kept it, struggling after the funeral, coming back to Discovery alone, and everything since then... who wouldn't have needed whatever extra comfort they could get?  "It wasn't you," Paul says, and Hugh's heart breaks a little.  He couldn't have been what Paul needed in that time, but he wishes, he <em>wishes</em>.</p><p>God bless Lizzie Stamets for looking after her brother when Hugh couldn't.  He'll send her flowers - oh.  Right.  No, he won't.  Lizzie's been dead for a long, long time.</p><p>But Paul's here, and clinging to him, needing him.  Hugh kisses him and kisses him, promises not to keep him awake all night again if he can help it.</p><p>"We haven't talked like that in so long," Paul mumbles.</p><p>"No," Hugh agrees quietly.  "I think maybe we need to work on that, right?  We can make more time for just us.  I get off at eight tonight, so maybe afterwards we can have a quiet dinner in.  And we'll make sure we get at least two nights like that a week, no interruptions, no work, just us.  What do you think?"</p><p>But Paul is fast asleep.  Hugh smiles and presses a kiss against his forehead.  "Computer," he murmurs, "set an alarm for one hour.  Quiet.  Just my side."</p><p>"One hour," the computer echoes.  Hugh pulls the blanket a little tighter around them both, and closes his eyes.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0032"><h2>32. Chapter 32</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>anon on tumblr prompted in response to chapter 24:<br/>Hi loved the Adira and Tilly fic would it be possible to get one where Gray is asking Hugh about this ? </p><p> </p><p>This was fun, but I should say for the record, I'm suuuuuper asexual and have no idea what I'm talking about.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Gray scrolls through the screen of his PADD without really reading anything, feet propped up on the coffee table in the family quarters.  </p><p>He sighs, shifting on the couch, trying to get comfortable, and returns his gaze to the PADD.</p><p>"Something up?" Hugh asks.  He's in the kitchen, making himself a cup of tea, out of uniform for his afternoon off.</p><p>"Hmm?"</p><p>"You're very fidgety," Hugh explains, amused.  "Is something the matter?"</p><p>"Oh.  No."</p><p>"Okay."  Hugh joins him on the couch with his tea, opening up a medical journal on his own PADD.</p><p>Gray tries to focus on his reading.  Then he gets up.  Walks halfway to the kitchen.  Returns to the couch.</p><p>Hugh lowers his PADD.  "Gray."</p><p>Gray glances at him with absolute nonchalance.  "Yeah?"</p><p>Hugh chuckles and pats the seat.  "Sit down.  What's on your mind?"</p><p>Gray sighs.  "Do you think I'm a good boyfriend?"</p><p>"Of course you are, what makes you say that?"</p><p>"I just think... now that Adira and I are older, aren't we at the stage where we're supposed to want to... to do other things?"</p><p>"What kind of things?"</p><p>Gray feels his face heat up.</p><p>"Oh," Hugh says blankly.  "You're talking about..."</p><p>"Yep."</p><p>"Well... you know it's okay to feel pretty much any way about it.  How do you feel?"</p><p>Hugh's always so good with things like this, getting straight to the point and giving Gray the right space and direction to express himself.  "I don't know.  I mean... I think I'm ready to try something more.  But it's hard to figure out what the boundaries are."</p><p>Hugh nods thoughtfully.  "What does Adira say?"</p><p>"We haven't really... talked about it?"  Gray makes a face.  "At least.  We used to, a long time ago, before I died.  In the abstract, I guess.  We didn't plan to do anything back then, but now we're a long time past the age we both thought we'd be okay with it."</p><p>"Well, you've been through a lot since then.  And even just the normal experience of being a teenager can be enough to change ideas like that."</p><p>"I guess."  Gray shakes his head.  "But life has been so crazy the last couple of years.  Why shouldn't I get to do something normal?"</p><p>Hugh smiles at him and pats his shoulder.  "You're absolutely right.  You should get to do normal things.  But are you completely ready for this?"</p><p>Gray sighs.  "Some things I think I'd be ready for.  I kind of want to find out."</p><p>"Okay."  Hugh smiles at him, warm.  "That's a good start.  Now you need to figure out where your boundaries are.  And you need to talk to Adira about where their boundaries are.  It only works when you're both open with each other."</p><p>Well, yeah, Gray isn't exactly sure how Adira might feel about all this.  "What if we're not on the same page?  I mean... I know we go slow and don't cross either of our boundaries.  But what if it makes things, I don't know.  Uncomfortable.  Won't they think of me differently?"</p><p>"I don't think so.  Just, when it comes to sex, you have to talk about everything.  It's about trust and connection, and you two have that in spades, right?"</p><p>Gray thinks of Adira, their smile, their sense of humour, their kindness, art, intelligence.  If the two of them they do this wrong, he could lose them.  He could hurt them.  He can't picture that.</p><p>"Yeah," he says, because Hugh's still looking at him.  "How do you know when it's the right time?"</p><p>"With a lot of talking.  It's all about honesty, Gray, that's all."</p><p>"<em>Ugh</em>."  He drops his head backwards onto the edge of the couch.  "This is already the worst conversation of my life.  Having it with Adira will be a million times worse."</p><p>Hugh laughs.  "Hey, it's no delight for me, either.  But it's important, so we get through it, right?"</p><p>"I suppose.  Did you and Paul-" but Gray cuts himself off quickly.  He doesn't actually <em>want</em> to know the answer to that question.</p><p>"We had a lot of conversations about it before we got there," Hugh says calmly.  "But I think maybe we don't need to go into any more detail than that."</p><p>"Definitely not," Gray agrees.</p><p>"And you can ask me anything," Hugh adds, "either of you, but I also don't need you to tell me any details about what you're doing, okay?"</p><p>Gray grins.  "That's good.  I really don't think we'll want to."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>now with one more follow-up story by the wonderful jackwabbit <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29683137">here</a>!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0033"><h2>33. Chapter 33</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>kelliesharp2006 on tumblr prompted:<br/>Paul with a Migraine story heavy on angst and drama</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There couldn't be a worse place to have a technological dead zone.  The sun is so <em>hot</em> and the only thing Paul can do is stay by the cliffside, clinging to what shade he can.  Hugh, thank God for him, came prepared with sunscreen, and Paul applies it liberally on the hour like clockwork, determined to avoid burning.</p>
<p>But it's still so hot, and he feels awful.  Paul covers his eyes and drops his face to his knees.</p>
<p>"Paul?"  Hugh drops down to sit beside him.  "Are you okay?"</p>
<p>He nods, but stops when a wave of dizziness hits him.  "Don't feel so good," he admits, and Hugh's hand rises to rub soothing circles into his back.</p>
<p>"Can you tell me anything specific?"</p>
<p>"Head hurts," Paul grunts.  "I'm queasy.  And sweaty.  Dizzy.  So uncomfortable... Hugh, I want to go <em>home</em>."</p>
<p>"I'm sorry," Hugh murmurs.  "It sounds like a migraine.  I know you've been overworking more than usual lately, more stressed, that might have brought it on."</p>
<p>So much for Hugh's plan to spend a day on the beach destressing.  "Sorry for ruining our day," Paul mumbles, and Hugh's arm slides down across his back, pulling him into a side-hug.</p>
<p>"None of that," Hugh says, "it's not your fault Lorca's like this.  Can you drink some water?"</p>
<p>Paul thinks about it.  "Maybe a little," he concedes.  "Just not sure what my stomach can take."</p>
<p>"Okay."  Hugh reaches for a bottle and helps Paul to drink.  "I'm sorry I don't have anything to give you.  Back on the ship I could make it go away, but with the transporters down..."</p>
<p>"'S okay," Paul mumbles.  "Just hurts."</p>
<p>"I know."</p>
<p>Paul tips sideways, letting his head land somewhere in the vicinity of Hugh's thigh.  He welcomes Paul immediately, combing fingers soothingly through his hair, gentle as ever.  "It'll be okay, sweetheart," he whispers, "I'll stop it as soon as I can."</p>
<p>Paul closes his eyes and presses his face into Hugh's leg for one short moment, then pulls up.  "We should keep walking," he mumbles.</p>
<p>"Are you sure?  Can you manage?"</p>
<p>"Have to.  Waiting won't make it better."  They need to make it out of the dead zone, they need to find their crew and get back aboard Discovery so that he can get a painkiller, sleep for ten hours, and never feel like this again.</p>
<p>"That's true," Hugh sighs.  "Alright.  Lean on me, okay?"</p>
<p>Paul allows Hugh to grip his waist, and the two of them walk on.  Paul squints in the sun and almost dares to walk with his eyes closed, if it weren't for the few jagged rocks sticking out of the sand.</p>
<p>God, it does hurt.  He's never felt so terrible in all his life, it's all he can think about... that, and Hugh's arm around him, holding him together.  Hugh's here.  It's going to be okay.  Right?</p>
<p>Then everything's spinning, and going black.</p>
<p>
  <em>"Paul!"</em>
</p>
<p>Hugh suddenly feels Paul weaken in his hold, catching him just in time to safely lower him to the ground.  "Paul, come on," he tries, "we've got to keep going."  </p>
<p>Nothing.</p>
<p>"Paul," he whispers, feeling his forehead, his pulse point.  He's just overheated, he's passed out, he'll be okay, but the migraine must be worse than he let on.  "Come on," Hugh says, watching as Paul slowly blinks awake.  He moves, carefully, letting his body cast a shadow across Paul's face.</p>
<p>"Huh?" Paul manages.</p>
<p>"It's okay, sweetheart," Hugh says, "you just passed out for a second there.  Here."  He reaches for the water.  It's warm, but it will have to do.  "I know you don't feel good, but you've got to drink something."</p>
<p>Paul takes the drink, thankfully, but Hugh also knows it's a sign that things have gotten bad.  He's not even bickering, he must feel terrible, and he's not sure about the water, but he's putting himself in Hugh's hands entirely, trusting his knowledge to make the pain go away.  </p>
<p>"That's good," Hugh murmurs, watching as Paul swallows as much as he can.  "How're you feeling, love?"</p>
<p>Paul shakes his head, then stops quite abruptly.  "Bad," he admits.  "Do we have to keep going?"</p>
<p>He sounds so small and pathetic that Hugh can't bear to put any pressure on him.  "There's a cave a little way ahead.  It might be cooler, and it'll keep us out of the sun, then we can have a longer rest.  Do you think you can make it?"  He points to demonstrate the distance, and Paul squints but follows his finger, chewing his lip thoughtfully.</p>
<p>"I think so," he says.  "Don't let go of me."</p>
<p>"I won't," Hugh promises.  "Here, put your arm over my shoulders, that's it.  I've got you, babe."  They get to their feet carefully and soldier on.</p>
<p>Hugh really doesn't know what they're going to do now.  He can't get Paul far enough to make it past the dead zone.  He can't go looking for help alone, either, because that would mean leaving Paul, and he really can't do that.  They're not quite out of food, but they brought enough for a relaxing day at the beach, not a five mile hike in the scorching sun.  Not enough to tackle a migraine as bad as this.  He supposes Lorca will send out a search party for them eventually, but will it be enough?  Will they ever be found, or will they be left here, alone, lost, dying?</p>
<p>"Hugh," Paul whispers, "hey, you're freaking out."</p>
<p>"No," he denies at once.  Oh.  He's speaking through gritted teeth, and he's shaking, just when he needs to be a rock for Paul.  "I mean.  I'm sorry, it's okay.  Hey, we're here, let's get inside."</p>
<p>The cave is narrow, not very deep, but gives them enough space to stretch out their legs and enjoy the drop in temperature.  Hugh drops his pack outside the entrance, a signal of their presence should anyone come this way.  He coaxes Paul to lie down completely, using his leg as a pillow, and settles himself with his back against the wall.</p>
<p>"You okay?" Paul asks quietly, interlocking their fingers on the ground by Hugh's hip.</p>
<p>"Just worried," Hugh admits.</p>
<p>"Yeah," Paul sighs.  "Me too."</p>
<p>Hugh squeezes his hand.  "They'll be sending search parties for us soon."  Paul doesn't know a whole lot about protocol, he remembers.  "And when they do, they'll bring medicine, they'll bring stretchers.  So if we sit tight for a couple of hours, I think we'll be found."</p>
<p>"But suppose they don't."</p>
<p>"They will, hon, I promise.  It's going to be okay."</p>
<p>"But if they don't..." Paul twists a little, wincing.  "You have to go for help."</p>
<p>"I'm not leaving you."</p>
<p>"Hugh.  It's a migraine.  Won't kill me.  We need help."</p>
<p>No.  No, Hugh knows Paul is right, knows what he'd say if the positions were reversed, but no.</p>
<p>"We'll see if it comes to that," he says instead.  "Don't worry right now, okay?  Do you think you can rest?"</p>
<p>"I'll try,' Paul says.  He closes his eyes, lets his fingers tighten around Hugh's.  "Love you."</p>
<p>And Hugh loves him so much too, of course he does, how could he ever leave him in this state?  But he says nothing.  Just strokes his hair, and tips his head back against the wall, and closes his eyes.  He's just resting a little while.  That's allowed.</p>
<p>"Doctor Culber?"</p>
<p>Hugh opens his eyes to Commander Landry hovering in the entrance to the cave, backlit by a dimming purple sunset.</p>
<p>"Hi," he says intelligently, shifting.  "What?"</p>
<p>"We've been searching for you for hours," she says a little roughly.  "Come on, it's only twenty minutes to get a signal."</p>
<p>Hugh shifts and feels Paul's head turn against his leg.  Right.  "Lieutenant Stamets needs medical attention," he says.  "Do you have a kit?"</p>
<p>Landry hands him a small box.  There's definitely not a full complement of tools here, but enough to get the job done.  Hugh reaches down and shakes Paul's shoulder as gently as he can.  "Hey," he says, "wake up, I've got a painkiller for you."</p>
<p>"Hmm?  Hugh?"</p>
<p>Landry's right there, but at least she's backed off a little.  "Morning, Lieutenant," Hugh says gently, "or, evening, I guess.  The search party showed up."</p>
<p>"Are we going home?"</p>
<p>"Yeah.  How are you feeling?  Still crummy?"</p>
<p>Paul blinks up at him.  "I don't think I can walk it."</p>
<p>"Here, let me give you something for it, okay?"  Hugh waits for Paul's nod and then presses the hypospray into his neck.  "Just give it a minute to kick in."</p>
<p>Slowly, Paul sits up.  "Can I have the water?"</p>
<p>Hugh hands him the bottle and waits while he drains it.  "Better?"</p>
<p>"Yeah.  Yeah, let's go."</p>
<p>The two of them emerge from the cave together, shouldering their packs.  Landry marches on ahead of them, not bothering to see if they're following.  Probably she just trusts they'll say so if they need her to slow down, Hugh thinks, editing the uncharitable thought in his head.  Anyway it's fine, it gives him a chance to check in with Paul.</p>
<p>"My head still hurts," he confirms, "and my stomach, but it's a lot better.  All I want is to crawl into bed and stay there for a week."</p>
<p>"I know exactly how you feel," Hugh sighs.  Paul smiles at him.</p>
<p>"Are you okay?"</p>
<p>"Yeah," Hugh says, then, because he doesn't want to omit a truth, "it'll probably hit me later, but right now I'm just glad we're getting out of here."</p>
<p>Paul reaches to squeeze his hand once and then releases him.  "Thank you for getting us out of here," he says.  "Don't say it was anyone else.  We're making it out because of you."</p>
<p>"You know, I don't care why we're getting out," Hugh says, "as long as we are.  Just promise me something?"</p>
<p>"Anything."</p>
<p>"Don't scare me like that again."</p>
<p>Paul tips sideways a little to bump their shoulders together.  "Promise."</p>
<p>As far as first months on new ships have gone, this one's certainly been the most eventful of Hugh's career.  But at least Paul is safe.  Hugh can live with everything else, as long as Paul keeps that promise.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0034"><h2>34. Chapter 34</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>anon on tumblr prompted:<br/>season 1 (before Hugh's death) hurt/comfort</p><p>This ended up being a little pre-season 1, just so canon didn't get in the way.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Paul wakes slowly to the sound of Hugh's alarm going off.  "Mute," he says absently, then turns to the warm body curled up against his chest.</p><p>It's not like him to miss his alarm, Paul thinks, and he leans forward, pressing a soft kiss to his jaw.  "Hugh."</p><p>Hugh just wriggles a little and snuggles further into his pillow.  Paul stifles a laugh, propping himself up on one elbow.</p><p>"Hugh, babe, you have to go to work."</p><p>"Hnngh."</p><p>"Yeah, I know.  But you're due at sickbay in forty minutes."</p><p>Hugh twists and blinks up at Paul.  He coughs a couple of times, like he's clearing the sleep from his throat.  "Hmm?"</p><p>Paul smiles down at him.  "Time to get up."  He leans down to press a kiss to Hugh's lips, then pulls back, concerned.  "You're hot."</p><p>"Now's not the time," Hugh mumbles.  His voice is kind of nasal, Paul observes, and his eyes are bloodshot.</p><p>"No, I mean you're burning up."  He touches the back of his hand to Hugh's forehead.  "Are you feeling alright?"</p><p>"Fine," Hugh says, and makes as if to sit up, but freezes in place, clutching Paul's sleeve.</p><p>"Hugh?"</p><p>"Just - just a dizzy moment," he says through gritted teeth.  "I'll be fine."</p><p>"Hugh," Paul tries, but Hugh shakes his head, sitting up in one swift movement, then he blanches and immediately flops back down onto the bed.</p><p>"Okay," Paul says, "that's enough.  You can't go to work in this state."</p><p>"I'm not sick," Hugh insists.  "I don't <em>want</em> to be sick.  I <em>hate</em> being sick."</p><p>"I know."  Paul runs his fingers along the edge of Hugh's hair, down his cheek.  "But you are.  Let me look after you."</p><p>Hugh closes his eyes and leans into the touch.</p><p>"Can I get you anything?  Tea?"</p><p>"No.  Tissues, though."</p><p>"You should eat something, too."</p><p>Hugh groans.  "Don't make me."</p><p>"Darling, what would you say to me if I was the one sick?"</p><p>Hugh scowls up at him.</p><p>"How about some fruit?  You can manage fruit, right?"</p><p>"I'll try yogurt," Hugh concedes.  "If you go by sickbay Pollard will give you flu meds."</p><p>Paul finally gets out of bed, changing into his uniform with more than his usual efficiency.  He fetches a glass of water, plopping a straw into it, and sets it on Hugh's nightstand.  "Anything else?"</p><p>Hugh pouts at him.  "Come back soon," he says.</p><p>Paul's heart melts a little.  Poor Hugh really is terrible at being sick.  He bends down once more to kiss Hugh's forehead, then makes a face.  "Sweaty," he mutters, drawing a weak smile from Hugh.  "I'll see you in a little while," he says instead, "try to sleep, okay?"</p><p>"'Kay."</p><p>He collects the medicine first, so he can warn sickbay not to expect Hugh in, and gets lunch along with their breakfast, chicken broth for Hugh and pasta for himself, in heated containers so that he doesn't end up having to leave Hugh alone again in a few hours.  He's back at their quarters within twenty minutes, and when he enters the lights are low, the glass on Hugh's nightstand is empty, and Hugh is still wide awake, staring at the doorway like he's been waiting for Paul, and utterly miserable.</p><p>"Hey," Paul says in a low voice, "how're you doing?"</p><p>"This is terrible," Hugh tells him through a dejected sniff.  </p><p>Paul approaches the bed, perching on the edge to hold out the yogurt.  "Can you have some breakfast?"</p><p>Hugh nods, dragging himself to half-sit against the headboard.  He makes no effort to reach for the spoon, so Paul wriggles closer, carefully feeding him small mouthfuls at a time.  Hugh makes a face and pulls away.  "This has stuff in it."</p><p>"It's only mango," Paul says.  "You like mango, and it's good for you."</p><p>Hugh gives him his best pout, but Paul ignores it.</p><p>"Come on.  Do it for me?"</p><p>"Unfair.  You can't use that on me, that's <em>my</em> trick."</p><p>Paul smiles.  "I learned from the best.  Now eat."</p><p>Hugh frowns, but opens his mouth.</p><p>When the yogurt is gone, Paul administers a hypospray of flu medicine and hovers until Hugh drops off to sleep.  He goes to move, but Hugh's arm is wrapped vice-like around his thigh, and dislodging him would be cruel.  Thankfully, his PADD is in arm's reach, so he grabs it, pulling up his notes from yesterday's shift.  Today is his day off, thankfully, so he doesn't have much to do.</p><p>He works for a few hours, not horribly uncomfortable, pausing every now and again when Hugh turns or coughs in his sleep.  He isn't really cooling down, either.  Eventually, Paul eases the arm from his leg, gently laying it down on the bed, and rises.  He fills Hugh's glass with ice-cold water and prepares another bowl with a cloth, then resumes his place where he belongs, at Hugh's side.</p><p>Hugh stirs as he takes a seat, mumbling something into the pillow, and slowly opens his eyes to stare up at Paul.</p><p>"Hey," he says, his voice rough and dry.</p><p>"Hi.  You feeling okay?"</p><p>Hugh squints.  "Hot."</p><p>Paul reaches for the cold cloth, wringing it out to gently cool Hugh's forehead.  "I'm sorry you're feeling so crummy."</p><p>Hugh lifts a slightly shaky hand to touch his arm, sniffing inelegantly.  "Glad you're here."</p><p>"Always."</p><p>"Paul?"</p><p>"Hmm?"</p><p>"Do you have to work?"</p><p>"No, it can wait a little while.  What do you need?"</p><p>Hugh gives him his best puppy-dog eyes.  Paul laughs a little, running his palm down Hugh's cheek.</p><p>"I need cuddles," he says.  "Please?"</p><p>Paul smiles and sets the cold cloth aside.  "How could I possibly say no to that?"</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0035"><h2>35. Chapter 35</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I found some motivation!</p><p>this prompt from ceruleanscarab, thank you &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The mess hall is eerily quiet as Tilly enters.  She tries to keep her voice down as she orders a sandwich, but the whole room must hear her.  Surely there's somewhere she can hide?  </p><p>There's Detmer, Airiam, and Rhys at their usual table, but they're silent - even Detmer.  Tilly scurries over and slips into a seat, leaning over to whisper to Rhys.</p><p>"What's going on?"</p><p>"Stamets and Culber are having a domestic," he whispers back.  "Shh."</p><p>Oh no, that can't be good.  Tilly <em>really</em> wants to impress her boss, but if he's fighting with his partner - especially so publicly - he's going to be in an awful mood, which means yelling, which means making her nervous, which means mistakes right at the worst possible time.</p><p>Besides, even if Lieutenant Stamets is snappish and demanding, Tilly suspects there's someone beneath the surface that she could like.</p><p>Okay, far beneath.</p><p>Tilly looks over to the next table, hoping that Rhys is exaggerating, but the atmosphere is as cold as ice.  It's rude to eavesdrop, but in the quiet it's impossible not to hear every word.</p><p>"You're making a huge deal out of nothing," Doctor Culber is saying, sounding fiercer than Tilly has ever heard him.</p><p>"If it's nothing, why are you going behind my back?"</p><p>"I'm not.  Look, if you don't trust me-"</p><p>"Not with this, no, I don't."</p><p>"You're acting like a child."</p><p>Lieutenant Stamets clenches his fists on the table till his knuckles turn white.  It looks kind of uncomfortable, Tilly thinks, but that doesn't seem to be high on the priorities in Stamets' mind right now.  "Why won't you just tell me?"</p><p>"Because I don't want you to know yet."  Doctor Culber grins at him, all teeth, devoid of warmth.  "You're making a scene."</p><p>That breaks the moment.  Stamets's glare snaps over to the next table, and of course he lands right on Tilly's nervous eyes.  She drops her gaze down to her plate immediately, feeling the heat flooding to her cheeks, but it's no use.  The Lieutenant stands, scraping his chair against the floor so that it screeches, ensuring the whole room is looking at them.  With one last glare for her, and not so much as a second look for Doctor Culber, he stalks from the room.</p><p>Oh god.  He's going to absolutely <em>murder</em> Tilly.  He's going to give her every horrible assignment he can think of, and then he's going to yell at her for failing, and she's going to get nervous and ruin everything, her career will be over before it's even begun.  She'll be a laughing stock in Starfleet.  She'll never make Lieutenant, let alone Captain, and - and - </p><p>And Stamets must feel <em>awful</em> after the whole mess hall witnessed him fighting with his partner.</p><p>They're very private people, Tilly knows; always professional in public even when they're off duty.  It was months before their relationship was common knowledge, and Tilly's perhaps the only one on board who's seen them without their guard up - of course, they didn't realise she was there, and she was careful to get out quickly without disturbing them, slipping through the cultivation bay doors without letting her eyes dwell on them as they cuddled against a pillar.</p><p>To fight like this in public, it must be very serious.  Doctor Culber is blushing, obviously self-conscious as he gathers everything up from his tray and the Lieutenant's, clearly eager to flee the room as quickly as possible.  Tilly averts her eyes, focusing instead back on her dinner.</p><p>"Hey," Airiam whispers, "you with us?"</p><p>Tilly blinks, forcing herself back into the present.  "Of course," she says, smiling, and turns her attention back to Rhys.  "So what's the deal with you and Ensign Harris, anyway?"</p><p>The rest of lunch passes that way, informal and irresponsible as ever, and Tilly's forgotten all about Lieutenant Stamets right up until she enters the lab and finds him scowling at her.</p><p>"You're late, Cadet."</p><p>She's not, she knows she's back with a full three minutes to spare, but it doesn't seem wise to provoke him right now, so she just murmurs an apology and hurries to her desk.  Maybe he'll leave her alone.</p><p>He does, actually, spending half the afternoon comming with Lieutenant Straal, off in some corner where nobody can hear without deliberately eavesdropping - and none of them are foolish enough to do that.  Tilly knows that the Lieutenants have been partners for years - could Stamets be asking his friend for relationship advice, or perhaps venting his feelings?  </p><p>It's none of Tilly's business, and she oughtn't think too much about it.  As long as she stays out of Lieutenant Stamets's way for a few days, she'll be in the clear.  That's the choice any ambitious person with a bad-tempered boss and a fraction of common sense would make.</p><p>When the Lieutenant sends the team home for the evening, Tilly hovers behind.</p><p>"Didn't I dismiss you, Cadet?"</p><p>"Yes, sir," Tilly admits, "you did."</p><p>"Well."  He points his head at the door.  "Go on."</p><p>"Sir..." Tilly takes a small step forward; not too far, as if approaching a wounded animal.  "Is everything alright?"</p><p>"Cadet."  His voice is clipped, but not as harsh as Tilly might have expected.</p><p>"I just... well, I'm a good listener."</p><p>Tilly almost can't believe what happens next.  Lieutenant Stamets almost smiles.</p><p>"Go home, Tilly," he says, and there's no bite in his words at all.</p><p>"But are you okay?"</p><p>The Lieutenant makes a show of rolling his eyes, but for whatever reason, he decides to indulge her.  "My meddlesome partner and my meddlesome sister are conspiring behind my back.  I caught them talking on the comms this morning.  About what, I could not say.  But I don't really think I have anything to worry about."</p><p>Oh.  "But at lunch you seemed so upset, it seemed like a big fight."</p><p>"Tilly.  There's really nothing to be concerned with."  </p><p>He seems sincere, at least.  Tilly blushes and nods and grabs her things, ready to leave.</p><p>"Paul?"</p><p>Oh.  Oh, god, no.  Doctor Culber is striding into the room, making directly for Lieutenant Stamets.  Thankfully, the Lieutenant stops him with a hand against his chest.</p><p>"We've got company," he hisses.</p><p>"I'm leaving," Tilly blurts out, "Sorry, sirs!  Good night!"</p><p>She flees the lab as fast as her feet can carry her.</p><p>The next morning, Lieutenant Stamets approaches her desk when he enters the lab to find her already working.  "Cadet Tilly."</p><p>Her fingers freeze against the screen.  "Sir?"</p><p>"Since you showed such an interest in my personal affairs yesterday-"</p><p>"Oh, I, um, I'm sorry about that, sir, I didn't mean-"</p><p>"I just wanted to tell you," Stamets tells her.  He's grinning, obviously in a good mood.  "Everything turned out alright.  I thought you'd like to know."</p><p>Oh.  "I would?  I mean, yes!  Of course I would!"  Tilly hesitates before pressing a little further, "So, did he... explain?"</p><p>Now Lieutenant Stamets is blushing.  His skin is even fairer than Tilly's, and his blush is even more obvious.  "I may or may not have forgotten my own birthday," he admits.  "Hugh and Lizzie were arranging something.  It was nice, actually."</p><p>Tilly smiles.  What would it be like, she wonders, to have a sister to love her?</p><p>"Thank you for caring," Stamets adds, heading for his own workstation, "it's not a quality I've seen a lot of around here.  You're one of a kind, Cadet."</p><p>Tilly's grin lasts the whole morning.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>housekeeping:<br/>1. I won't put the full text of the prompt in the notes at the start, because sometimes that leads to spoilers.  any content warnings will always be added.<br/>2. if there's a prompt I don't think I can manage (or just don't feel inspired by), I'll open it up to the floor.  I'll always give you a chance to object before I do that.<br/>3. as ever, there is absolutely no consistency in my turnover time, just so nobody goes expecting a miracle or anything.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0036"><h2>36. Chapter 36</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Prompt from Snorlax_on_USS_Discovery!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Paul wakes up to an empty bed.</p><p><em>Odd</em>.  He doesn't think enough of it to worry; although this thing with Hugh is still new, it feels pretty serious.  There's a level of trust there that he hasn't always felt with past boyfriends.  Still, the bathroom door is open, and there's not many other places Hugh could have gone.</p><p>Paul half-sits up on his bare elbows, enjoying the pleasant soreness that comes with the movement, memories of yesterday's activities flooding back, of hiking and dinner and home for dessert - only their second real, in-person date, though they know each other so well after months of talking that it may as well be their hundredth.  </p><p>When the bedroom door slowly opens, he makes no effort to move further; after a moment Hugh appears, barely dressed more than Paul is in a pair of soft boxers, bearing a tray laden with coffee and breakfast food.  "Hey," he says, eyes twinkling.</p><p>"Hi," Paul echoes, voice still rough from sleep.  "What time is it?"</p><p>"Nine."  Hugh balances the legs of the tray around Paul's lap and sets the two mugs of coffee on the side tables, climbing back into bed beside him.  "I didn't think you'd sleep that long."</p><p>Paul smiles; he's still drowsy, and that really is odd for him, but he doesn't think it's anything to worry about.  "I've never been able to relax this much," he offers to alleviate the slight hint of concern behind Hugh's words.  "I feel really good."</p><p>"Good."  Hugh tips sideways slightly to kiss his temple.  "I've got plans for us today."</p><p>"Can't wait."  Paul turns his attention to the overloaded tray in front of him.  "Did you think there was an army hiding in here?"</p><p>"Do you want breakfast or not?"</p><p>"I want it, I want it."  Paul takes a sip of coffee and turns his attention to the food.  "I don't even know where to start."</p><p>Hugh plucks a slice of mango from the tray and takes a bite, humming in satisfaction with the most obscene noise.</p><p>Paul pouts at him.  "I wanted to eat that."</p><p>"No, you didn't.  You didn't know what you wanted."</p><p>"Well, now I do."</p><p>"There's plenty more."</p><p>"But I want <em>that one</em>."</p><p>Paul lunges for the uneaten half of the slice.  Hugh lifts it out of his reach, laughing.  Paul can't have that; he smirks, backs off, waits till Hugh has almost lowered his guard before attacking him with tickles.</p><p>Hugh <em>squeals</em>.</p><p>After a second his arm is in reach, so Paul lets up on the tickling and snags him by the wrist, pulling him close enough to pluck the mango from between his fingers with his teeth.  The juices are all over Hugh's fingers, and he takes his time, licking them away with satisfaction.  Hugh tastes a little salty, a surprisingly nice contrast to the sweetness of the mango.</p><p>"So that's the game you want to play," Hugh hums.  He picks up another slice from the tray and holds it out, waiting as Paul leans in and draws the fruit into his mouth.   "I'm hungry, too, you know."</p><p>Paul smirks at him, fingers hovering over the tray in indecision.  Finally he settles on a morsel of pastry, a miniature croissant that will take at least two bites and is bound to leave flecks of pastry all over him.  Hugh's grin says he knows exactly what Paul's doing as he takes a bite, teeth grazing his fingertips.  Just as predicted, flakes of pastry fly everywhere.</p><p>"You're making a mess," Paul tells him.  There are flakes all over Hugh's face, and that's a good enough excuse to lean forward and kiss him, tracing his tongue over lips and stubble, picking up every morsel before he pulls away.  Hugh chases him, first with his mouth and then with his hand, catching hold of his chin and drawing him back in.</p><p>This kiss is longer, sweeter; Paul retreats before they get too carried away in favour of finishing the croissant and licking the flakes from his fingers.  He looks up to Hugh's hungry gaze, daring him with his eyes; Hugh only resists for a second before grabbing his hand to kiss away the crumbs.</p><p>Hmm.  Breakfast doesn't seem to be all that important any more.  </p><p>Eyes on Hugh's, Paul reaches for a cream-filled pastry and takes a bite.  A thick dollop of cream lands on his chest, snaking down between the crevices of his torso to leave an enticing trail which Hugh's lips follow barely a second later.</p><p>"I suppose all you're going to leave me for my breakfast is one single tasty snack," Hugh gripes against his collarbone, and Paul must be a weak man, because he can't even bring himself to object to the line.  Instead he just grins, dips his finger in the little pot of jam, and smears it in a line down Hugh's chest.  It's going to be a good breakfast.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0037"><h2>37. Chapter 37</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>prompt from potterfan2006!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Paul stirs a loaded spoonful of honey into the mug of tea, ears pricked for any noise coming from the couch.  It's quiet; that's probably a good thing, he decides, carefully making his way back out to set the mug in front of Adira.  He hesitates, but after a moment reaches forward to smooth sweat-slicked hair away from their forehead.</p><p>"How're you doing, kid?"</p><p>Adira lets out a low groan.  "This <em>sucks</em>."</p><p>He laughs a little.  "I know.  Give yourself a break, you'll feel better."</p><p>"What is that?"  Adira eyes the tea with a suspicious look.</p><p>"Chamomile.  It'll make you feel better," Paul adds, trying his best to sound encouraging though it feels awkward and unnatural to his ears.</p><p>"It smells funny."</p><p>"Would you just drink it?"</p><p>Adira scowls at him, but the effect is mostly undone by their stuffy red nose.  Paul grins back at them, unbothered.</p><p>"<em>Fine</em>," Adira huffs, and takes a gulping mouthful, then immediately spits it out.  "Hot!"</p><p>"You're supposed to <em>sip</em> it," Paul scolds, hurrying over to mop up the tea before it leaves a stain.  "Seven lives and you've never learned that tea's hot?"</p><p>"Shut up."</p><p>This is nowhere near as nice as looking after a sick Hugh.  It's only a cold, and their bad temper is really a good sign that there's nothing seriously wrong, but Adira is grating on Paul's last nerve, and he's not sure how much more of this he can take on his own.  He pats Adira's shoulder in a conciliatory gesture, and wanders away, opening up his PADD to message Hugh.</p><p>
  <em>Please tell me you're coming home soon.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>&gt;&gt;not long now, how's it going?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>They're having a mood.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>&gt;&gt;give them plenty to drink &amp; let them be crabby if it helps<br/></em>
</p><p>
  <em>I'm not enjoying this :(</em>
</p><p>
  <em>&gt;&gt;I'll try to be quick x</em>
</p><p>"Will you please just <em>stop it</em>?"</p><p>Paul sighs and shoves the PADD out of the way.  "Stop what?"  He manages to control himself enough not to snap, but it's a close call.  Adira glares, but quickly drops their gaze to their lap.</p><p>"Sorry.  Uh... Gray's bugging me."</p><p>"Oh."</p><p>For a moment Adira looks utterly miserable, and Paul can't help feeling a twinge of sympathy despite the irritation of the evening.  He wanders over to the couch, plopping down beside them.  "What does he say?"</p><p>"That I'm behaving like an ass."  Adira glances up at him through red-rimmed eyes.  "Am I?"</p><p>"You're sick," Paul tells them.  "The bar of acceptable asslike behaviour is higher."</p><p>Adira pauses for a moment.  "Gray says I'm still clearing it.  I think he's probably right."  They hesitate, then, "I'm sorry," they add, in a small voice.  "You're trying to help and I'm..."</p><p>They fall silent.  Paul realises that they're getting tearful, and he doesn't hesitate, dropping an arm around their shoulders in cautiously offered comfort.  Adira tucks into his side at once, snuggling close.</p><p>"It's okay," he says, softening his tone.  "That's what families are for."</p><p>"I wouldn't know," Adira mutters, then, blushing, hides their face against his sleeve.  "Ugh.  Forget I said that."</p><p>"You're going to have to learn, kiddo," Paul tells them, hugging them against him, "you've got us now."  </p><p>Adira sniffs roughly and squirms against him, reaching for the tea.</p><p>Together they sit quietly, Adira drinking and occasionally sniffing.  It's peaceful, Paul thinks; the kind of nondescript but comforting moment he can't imagine ever sharing with his father.  Aaron Stamets was always more of a hands-off kind of parent.  </p><p>Adira won't ever have to feel that way about <em>him</em>.  He glances down at them, now comfortably cuddled into his side, and smiles.</p><p>The door slides open a moment later, and Hugh enters, looking weary but satisfied with what must have been a good day's work.  He crosses over to kiss Paul, then to ruffle Adira's hair.</p><p>"Stop it," they grumble, swatting at his hand, but Paul doesn't miss their pleased little smile.</p><p>"You're very warm," Hugh says.</p><p>"'M fine."</p><p>Paul lifts a hand to feel.  "You should have some more tea."</p><p>Adira takes a big mouthful; gulping down the cooled drink.  "Tired, mostly."</p><p>Paul glances up at Hugh; he settles a comforting hand on Adira's shoulder, rubbing gently.  "I bet you are.  Why don't you go lie down for a bit?"</p><p>They make a face.  "'Cause it's only seven.  Anyway, I won't sleep feeling this crummy."</p><p>Hugh smiles at them and reaches into his pocket, digging out a few pills.  "Take one of these.  You'll sleep right around the clock and you'll feel better in the morning."</p><p>"Then back to work?"</p><p>Paul winces.  "We'll see," he offers in compromise, though he knows Hugh is going to say they need another day's rest.  Adira's too much like him, though; they need stimulation to keep their brain afloat.  "Why don't you start by sleeping and see how you feel?"</p><p>Adira huffs, but slowly they pull themself to their feet.  "Thanks for looking after me," they tell Paul, blushing again.  "Sorry for being a pain."</p><p>"You're not a pain."  He has to hug them; there's no other option.  "Sorry you're feeling so bad.  It'll be better tomorrow, promise."</p><p>They return the hug and then finally drift away towards their bedroom.  Paul waits till the door closes before he slumps back on the couch, finally allowing himself to feel his exhaustion.  Hugh drops down beside him, intertwining their hands on his knee.</p><p>"You're doing a great job with them," he says.  "You don't see it, but you really are."</p><p>Paul shakes his head.  "I don't know how to be enough.  They've been alone for so long, I... they deserve more than I can give them."</p><p>"Oh, honey, you have no idea."  Hugh leans sideways to kiss his cheek.  "You're doing amazing.  I wish you could see what I'm seeing.  I'm really proud of you."</p><p>Paul's tempted to just flop all over him, but Hugh is at least as tired as he is.  Instead he settles for resting his head on his partner's shoulder, soaking in the warm comfort.  "Do you think they'll be alright?"</p><p>"It's only a nasty cold, babe.  They'll be fine."</p><p>"I suppose."</p><p>Hugh chuckles quietly.  "I'll give them a scan at breakfast, but they really will be alright.  I'm more worried about you getting yourself sick after all that cuddling."</p><p>Paul smiles.  "I'm a lost cause by now.  You probably want to steer clear of me."</p><p>Hugh just snuggles in closer.  "Never," he says.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0038"><h2>38. Chapter 38</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>prompt from lezwatchtrek on tumblr!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"What's the matter with you?" Hugh demands as Paul sets his lunch tray on the commissary table.</p><p>"Hello to you too.  How's your day going?"</p><p>Hugh grins at him.  "Seriously.  You look like you've seen a monster."</p><p>It wouldn't be going far wrong.  "I had an unfortunate encounter this morning."</p><p>That raises Hugh's eyebrows.  "Oh?"</p><p>"A certain diplomat who happened to be visiting Starbase 22 just as we were.  Cadet Tilly's mother."</p><p>"Can't imagine what kind of a character <em>she</em> must be."</p><p>"Well, she's nothing like her daughter."  Paul thinks back to the stern, imposing woman who had demanded to speak with Discovery's captain, but eventually determined Tilly's supervisor an "acceptable substitute".  In hindsight, Paul's glad that he was the one to deal with her; he doesn't like to think that she might have said those things to Lorca, who wouldn't have cared what happened to the most competent person in his lab.  "She was actually kind of nasty."</p><p>Hugh winces in sympathy.  "Poor Tilly."  </p><p>"Yeah.  She was trying to tell me how her daughter actually isn't suited for this kind of work at all.  And that's crazy."</p><p>"Was... Tilly wasn't <em>there</em> for this conversation, was she?"</p><p>"No, I sent her to check on something in the lab."  Paul winces.  That doesn't sound so great of him, in hindsight.  "Actually, I might have been a little short with her."</p><p>"You?  Never."</p><p>He grins ruefully.  "I hope she wasn't upset.  I can't seem to help being like this at the moment."  Tilly doesn't seem to be easily upset, exactly, but she is the nervous type, and Paul has an idea of how it feels to have a hard-to-please parent.  Except his father would never have bothered to get involved in his career.</p><p>"You have been tense lately," Hugh agrees, hooking their ankles together.</p><p>"I have?"</p><p>Hugh smiles at him.  "You can't say you haven't noticed."</p><p>Well, he <em>has</em> been in a bad mood more often than not.  And maybe his team have borne the brunt of it.  He supposes.</p><p>"I... I guess I haven't been the greatest boss in the world."</p><p>They're too visible for any real displays of affection, but Hugh lays a palm on the table between them in an approximation of holding his hand.  "You're doing a great job, Paul.  You are.  Give yourself time to get it right."</p><p>"I guess."  Still, he knows he can do better with his staff.  Especially Tilly.  She is actually brilliant.  "I do feel bad," he says.  "She doesn't have anyone looking out for her.  Definitely not her mom."</p><p>"You're nicer than you give yourself credit for."</p><p>Paul scowls, but Hugh just grins back at him, then, glancing up, waves in the direction of the synthesisers.  "Cadet!  Join us, won't you?"</p><p>He glances behind him to see Tilly frozen in place, wide-eyed and bright red.</p><p>"O-oh," she stammers, "I - I mean, I don't want to - um - interrupt?"</p><p>Okay, Paul can do it; he does his best to offer Tilly an encouraging smile.  "We're inviting you, it's not an interruption."</p><p>"Um.  Okay."  Tilly sets her lunch on the table and takes a seat.  "Um... Lieutenant Stamets, I - I'm so sorry about this morning.  I - that was..."</p><p>"Cadet," Paul says before she can really get into the flow of it, "it's okay."</p><p>Tilly stares at him for at least five seconds.  "Sir?"</p><p>"Don't worry about this morning, okay?"</p><p>"But I... my mom, and you... she must have..."</p><p>"Tilly."</p><p>Tilly falls silent.</p><p>"I don't need anyone else to tell me how my staff are performing," Paul says.  "I say you're doing fine."</p><p>"Wow.  Um.  That is, uh, thank you, wow..."</p><p>"Breathe, Cadet," Paul prompts.  She's still annoying and cheerful and overflowing with nervous energy, but... he cares about her.  Just a little bit.</p><p>"She really didn't tell you all sorts of horrible things about me?"</p><p>Paul hesitates for just a moment.  "She didn't put me off," he tells her.  That's not a lie.</p><p>Tilly finally relaxes enough to almost smile.</p><p>He feels a little nudge against his foot, and glances up to see Hugh's eyes twinkling at him.  He must have done pretty good to earn that look.  He grins.</p><p>"So, Tilly," Hugh says, in that smooth way that means he's going to change the subject without anybody noticing, "how's your research project going?"</p><p>Tilly's grin widens as she launches into an extensive elaboration of the research she's been doing on the side of her work in the lab.  Paul only knew about half of it; she's actually doing some impressive work.  He might be able to help with some of it.</p><p>Tilly keeps talking, and he listens, but he's more aware of Hugh's hand slipping into his under the table.  Maybe not everything about this place is terrible.  Maybe there are even some things that will prove worthwhile.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>you are always welcome to send me prompts here via ao3 if you like, or on tumblr @youblowuponesun - I don't write every prompt but I do most of them and I promise to tell you if I don't think I can manage yours.  And if you've no objection to passing it along, I'll open it up to the floor so someone else can have a whack at it!</p><p>&amp; special thanks to everyone who leaves comments, your encouragement means a lot!</p><p>update 4/4/21 - I’m devoting most of my free time to my Camp NaNoWriMo project, so you might not see any fic from me for a little while, but you’re quite welcome to send prompts for me to queue up, and I’ll hopefully come back to them when I’ve finished my big project.</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>